Arthox

I've lost about 3 teeth since I've last been here. They're breaking and falling out of my mouth a little bit more, day by day.

If I don't drink, for months, I'm in such terrible agony. Can't eat. Can't sleep. Can't consume coffee. No sodium. No sugar. Nothing. Just water and bananas. I clutch my head in pain and try not to scream. And it never ends. I wish I was dealing with some type of emotional pain. I can't even smoke weed because it feels like ants crawling and eating at my brain. But that's also what sobriety is 24/7 after almost overdosing on K2 Spice over 10 years ago. Doctors keep feeding me drugs that make me forget. They make me sleep for days and days and I completely lose my memory and feel like I don't exist, but it's better than neverending pain. I understand it's a band-aid. If I keep taking these medications, things don't get better. They just lose effect. Which ultimately means I'm going to withdrawal and be in more pain than I was in to begin with. Doctors still haven't diagnosed this feeling of not having a skull and someone always prodding at my brain with a metal tool. They say you can't feel your brain, but that's not true.

Now I'm in a relationship where a girl works and brings me money and literally everything I need. She makes me food. Puts my food away if I fall asleep. We hang out and talk from sunrise to sunset. But she's very draining because she talks a lot, and it's too much... I'm more of a thinker and she's a talker, even if no one's there. But alcohol keeps it bearable, not that I don't enjoy being with her everyday, it's just super draining and I don't think she can understand that, and I also don't know if I should bring it up, because I know she's aware, it's just built-in to her at this point.

I don't even know what I'm writing here. Slowly losing cognitive function. I wonder what remembering things and feeling good feels like. Not even 30 yet.

Much love. ✌

Erica375

Oh, my, Arthox, that does sound like torture. I've heard of spice (is it the same as bath salts?) but I know nothing about it. I only have one suggestion. Do you think you might be grinding your teeth at night, causing them to break? Could you try a mouth guard? You don't have to go to the dentist for one. I've used the ones you can buy at CVS and fit them to your mouth yourself.

Please stay with us and keep posting. Someone else might have more wisdom to offer.

Obladi

Anthrox, you sound in a terrible state and I'm so sorry you are going through this. I've had issues with my teeth, too - in my dreams as well as in my waking hours. It's awful. For me, it added to the overall shame I was already living. Are you drinking and taking the medications the doctors prescribed? If so, do the doctors know? Do you have a team that knows the whole picture?

When I stopped drinking entirely, my memory and cognitive functions improved remarkably.
That could happen for you too?

I do hope you find the right care so that you can start getting better.

O

ScottFromWI

Very sorry to hear that you are still in a downward spiral Arthox. If nothing else, maybe think of the pain and suffering you are causing your new GF? Even if she doesn't say anything it's got to be very painful for her to slowly watch you kill yourself. There is such a thing as co-dependence too which may be paralyzing her from taking action to help. I'm glad you came here to share, but it's pretty heartbreaking at the same time - what exactly might we be able to to in order to help?

Aellyce

Sorry to hear about your teeth and despair, Arthox. I've had a lot of dental issues and treatments throughout my life, in part due to unfortunate genetics I think, but also because I didn't care for my teeth properly when I was very young. Do you see a dentist and hygienist at all? If you don't eat properly, part of the decay might be related to malnutrition as well.

I agree with the others that the relationship you describe is concerning, on both sides. It sounds like your GF is not helping but enabling, and your focusing on her talking too much and being draining does not sound healthy either. Do you guys actually talk honestly about the hardships you both are going through, together and separately, or mostly irrelevant distractions? Asking because I had a few of what momentarily felt like very close, intimate relationships where we mostly engaged in all kinds of distractions both together and individually, while the elephant(s) in the room remained unresolved. It didn't lead to anywhere progressive even if sometimes it felt pleasant and caring in the moment. If you need to drink or drug to tolerate the relationship, that does not sound good for you at all.

I also hope you find some things (and perhaps people) that help you more - keep looking!

Rockbottom1964

Hi, Erica. I pulled this off the internet:

Spice/ K2, Synthetic Marijuana

What is it?

A synthetic version of tetrahydrocannabinol (THC), the psychoactive ingredient in marijuana, K2/Spice is a mixture of plant material sprayed with synthetic psychoactive chemicals. Often looks like potpourri and typically labeled “not for human consumption." Dangerous to purchase from Internet because its origins and chemical amounts are unknown. The ingredients and strength of products containing synthetic cannabinoids are almost impossible for the user to know.
Regards
RB

Erica375

Thanks, RB. Sounds dangerous and scary. Won't be trying any of THAT!😲

Bubovski

It seems, at least that your girl friend is providing some help.
If your medical treatment is so bothersome, maybe you should try elsewhere.
Not all medications cause painful after effects.
If your condition is rare that is not to say you can't find help.
Try and keep positive and pro-active irrespective...