Hello Again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Hello Again
It's been a while since I've started a thread but I thought I'd say hello. I'm an old timer here at this point. I joined this site in 2010 and the people, stories, and support here was the support program I needed to take alcohol out of my life. I have not had alcohol since June 26, 2014. Don't waste four years like I did from 2010 to 2014. If you're new here, stay here. This place is top notch. I come here often to read people's posts.
I love hearing everyone's stories so I'll tell you a bit of mine. I found this place at 28 and joined as I watched the news coverage of the Deepwater Horizon oil spill in May 2010. At 28 I was drinking the better part of a fifth of vodka every night and I was hungover every day. I went to work every day and went through the normal motions but feeling rotten. I had also developed a tenderness on my right side under my ribcage which concerned me greatly. I was hopeful it was anything other than the alcohol. After all, I was only 28 and I was reading stories here of people who drank hard for longer than I'd been alive. I was a newbie. Couldn't be that bad, right? My husband at the time was also a heavy drinker, but not an alcoholic. I was an alcoholic but I wanted him and others to think I was a heavy drinker.
I was very secretive when I joined here, sitting far on the other side of the couch so he wouldn’t see what I was reading. I would erase my browsing history on my laptop and minimize the window when he got too close. Once I drove home from work on my lunch break because I was somewhat sure I had left the browser open to Soberrecovery on my desktop at home. I couldn’t let anyone know that I was questioning my relationship with alcohol. Then they might question my drinking around them.
It was impossible to picture a life without alcohol at that time. It was how I relaxed. It was how I slept. It was how I laughed and opened up. I was instantly extroverted. I also smoked back then and the drink and cigarette combination every evening on my porch was like nirvana to me at the time.
I poured my first drink within 30 seconds of coming in the door, or however long it took me to set down my keys and open the fridge. I would drink until my head hit the pillow. I rotated liquor stores. My hands were starting to tremble a bit when I’d put in my contacts every day.
May 2010 also brought me to Soberrecovery because in August I was beginning a very important internship to begin my career. It was a ten-week full-time internship where I’d be interviewing every moment of every day. I knew I couldn’t drink during this and screw it up.
My private alcoholism was becoming public a bit more and more. I worked with children at the time and they would ask me, “Why is your face so red?” Adults never asked me this but I’m sure they noticed. They commented on my eyes instead. “Why are your eyes so red?” My appearance was changing and I was 10 to 15 minutes late to work regularly because my mornings were chaos when I was drinking. Lost keys, lost ID badge, lost wallet, wrinkled clothes. Once I came to work with a blob of toothpaste on my mouth from brushing in a mad hungover race to get out the door. A coworker pointed this out. I was losing control and I knew it.
I made it ten days without alcohol. The worst side effects were terrible sleep and agitation. I could not relax and I could not sleep. I felt little joy. I felt like a zombie. After ten days I decided that I wasn’t as bad as I had initially thought and bought a Mickey of vodka. This was my equivalent of moderation. I figured I was doing better than before.
I drank every day after those ten days right up until my internship in August. I drank every night of my internship. I was hungover every day at my internship. I passed my internship with good marks but I could have done better. I was superwoman of going through the motions at work with a monstrous hangover.
The next four years was a decline in my health, an escalation of my drinking, and downward slope for every aspect of my life. I had bad bloodwork in June, 2013. Swore off alcohol forever. Drank a week later. I drank one more year. Every night.
I was an end stage alcoholic at 31. They say you either stop because of the law, your lover, or your liver. I had to stop because of my liver.
I woke up on June 27, 2014 with the worst hangover I had ever had in my life. That is saying a lot. I couldn’t do it anymore. There was not one part of drinking I enjoyed anymore. I didn’t even get buzzed anymore. I’d feel stone sober after 10 beers. Then horribly, terribly hungover the next day. I never stopped at ten.
I logged in here. I received support. I read every “story of recovery” here several times. People helped me. I helped people. I ate candy and drank soda in large amounts. I barely slept. I read, read, and read.
I only had one rule: no alcohol.
My recovery plan was no more simple or complicated than that - no alcohol.
There are no words to tell you how much better my life is today than when I was drinking. I haven’t had a hangover in six years and six months. Not one. I no longer think of alcohol. It has no meaning in my life. I’m a pretty ordinary person now. My gosh work is easier not hungover. I am still in my profession and enjoying it. The same profession from the 2010 internship.
If I had not stopped drinking when I did I would be dead today. My body was a wreck at 31. It has healed now according to medical checkups.
Hi Everybody!
I love hearing everyone's stories so I'll tell you a bit of mine. I found this place at 28 and joined as I watched the news coverage of the Deepwater Horizon oil spill in May 2010. At 28 I was drinking the better part of a fifth of vodka every night and I was hungover every day. I went to work every day and went through the normal motions but feeling rotten. I had also developed a tenderness on my right side under my ribcage which concerned me greatly. I was hopeful it was anything other than the alcohol. After all, I was only 28 and I was reading stories here of people who drank hard for longer than I'd been alive. I was a newbie. Couldn't be that bad, right? My husband at the time was also a heavy drinker, but not an alcoholic. I was an alcoholic but I wanted him and others to think I was a heavy drinker.
I was very secretive when I joined here, sitting far on the other side of the couch so he wouldn’t see what I was reading. I would erase my browsing history on my laptop and minimize the window when he got too close. Once I drove home from work on my lunch break because I was somewhat sure I had left the browser open to Soberrecovery on my desktop at home. I couldn’t let anyone know that I was questioning my relationship with alcohol. Then they might question my drinking around them.
It was impossible to picture a life without alcohol at that time. It was how I relaxed. It was how I slept. It was how I laughed and opened up. I was instantly extroverted. I also smoked back then and the drink and cigarette combination every evening on my porch was like nirvana to me at the time.
I poured my first drink within 30 seconds of coming in the door, or however long it took me to set down my keys and open the fridge. I would drink until my head hit the pillow. I rotated liquor stores. My hands were starting to tremble a bit when I’d put in my contacts every day.
May 2010 also brought me to Soberrecovery because in August I was beginning a very important internship to begin my career. It was a ten-week full-time internship where I’d be interviewing every moment of every day. I knew I couldn’t drink during this and screw it up.
My private alcoholism was becoming public a bit more and more. I worked with children at the time and they would ask me, “Why is your face so red?” Adults never asked me this but I’m sure they noticed. They commented on my eyes instead. “Why are your eyes so red?” My appearance was changing and I was 10 to 15 minutes late to work regularly because my mornings were chaos when I was drinking. Lost keys, lost ID badge, lost wallet, wrinkled clothes. Once I came to work with a blob of toothpaste on my mouth from brushing in a mad hungover race to get out the door. A coworker pointed this out. I was losing control and I knew it.
I made it ten days without alcohol. The worst side effects were terrible sleep and agitation. I could not relax and I could not sleep. I felt little joy. I felt like a zombie. After ten days I decided that I wasn’t as bad as I had initially thought and bought a Mickey of vodka. This was my equivalent of moderation. I figured I was doing better than before.
I drank every day after those ten days right up until my internship in August. I drank every night of my internship. I was hungover every day at my internship. I passed my internship with good marks but I could have done better. I was superwoman of going through the motions at work with a monstrous hangover.
The next four years was a decline in my health, an escalation of my drinking, and downward slope for every aspect of my life. I had bad bloodwork in June, 2013. Swore off alcohol forever. Drank a week later. I drank one more year. Every night.
I was an end stage alcoholic at 31. They say you either stop because of the law, your lover, or your liver. I had to stop because of my liver.
I woke up on June 27, 2014 with the worst hangover I had ever had in my life. That is saying a lot. I couldn’t do it anymore. There was not one part of drinking I enjoyed anymore. I didn’t even get buzzed anymore. I’d feel stone sober after 10 beers. Then horribly, terribly hungover the next day. I never stopped at ten.
I logged in here. I received support. I read every “story of recovery” here several times. People helped me. I helped people. I ate candy and drank soda in large amounts. I barely slept. I read, read, and read.
I only had one rule: no alcohol.
My recovery plan was no more simple or complicated than that - no alcohol.
There are no words to tell you how much better my life is today than when I was drinking. I haven’t had a hangover in six years and six months. Not one. I no longer think of alcohol. It has no meaning in my life. I’m a pretty ordinary person now. My gosh work is easier not hungover. I am still in my profession and enjoying it. The same profession from the 2010 internship.
If I had not stopped drinking when I did I would be dead today. My body was a wreck at 31. It has healed now according to medical checkups.
Hi Everybody!
Last edited by MelindaFlowers; 12-04-2020 at 09:37 PM. Reason: spacing
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 307
[QUOTE=MelindaFlowers;7552109]It's been a while since I've started a thread but I thought I'd say hello. I'm an old timer here at this point. I joined this site in 2010 and the people, stories, and support here was the support program I needed to take alcohol out of my life.
Inspiring, M - and thanks for sharing your story.
Just a question - How long before your liver started feeling/acting normal again? As in the quiet organ we hardly think of, that runs our bodies 24/7? I'm almost a year sober now (early days, I know), but mine still gives me an occasional bad twinge; a few times a week. The "brain fog", also, seems worse on some days; perhaps the sugar (lots of soda)? I sometimes think my brain will never be the same - the way it was before I drowned it in alcohol day after day.
Thanks again for sharing.
C
Inspiring, M - and thanks for sharing your story.
Just a question - How long before your liver started feeling/acting normal again? As in the quiet organ we hardly think of, that runs our bodies 24/7? I'm almost a year sober now (early days, I know), but mine still gives me an occasional bad twinge; a few times a week. The "brain fog", also, seems worse on some days; perhaps the sugar (lots of soda)? I sometimes think my brain will never be the same - the way it was before I drowned it in alcohol day after day.
Thanks again for sharing.
C
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 379
Hi Melinda and congrats on your sobriety. I joined here in 2012 at the age of 39 and having drank heavily on and off since 18. This site changed my life and your story resonates with much of mine.
I'm nearly 8 years sober now and my life is a million miles away from what it was the day I joined and decided enough was enough. I wasn't sure I'd get through a day, let alone a week, a month or a year. I did it with the help ofvthe wonderful people on here.
It is great you came back and posted. Your story will inspire others to stay strong because it is so worth being in control of your life again and not waking every morning to regret and shame.
Well done x
I'm nearly 8 years sober now and my life is a million miles away from what it was the day I joined and decided enough was enough. I wasn't sure I'd get through a day, let alone a week, a month or a year. I did it with the help ofvthe wonderful people on here.
It is great you came back and posted. Your story will inspire others to stay strong because it is so worth being in control of your life again and not waking every morning to regret and shame.
Well done x
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,359
Such an amazing story. I knew a young woman who lost her life at 33 to this. She made the comment a few months before she died that she knew lots of people who drank for decades. I'm glad you saw it for what it was and got yourself out of there.
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