hellsbellssssss

When you take alcohol out of the equation what do you do to fill the time? Nothing interests me, I don't think depression, grief and anxiety help either. Alcohol was my escape, my fun and now I'm finding it hard to be present with myself to the point that I have posted on here - I'm usually quite shy and would never post on a public forum.

I keep trying to think of things to do but have zero motivation, I have lots to sort out in my life but get overwhelmed and end up doing nothing. The dark, cold nights and lock down aren't helping. I bought a kettle bell on a whim today and am hoping to use it as more than a door stopper. I don't know....any advice?

tomls

I understand how you feel. When I first got sober I felt the same way but there was no covid thing then. I stopped drinking and smoking, smoking pot and taking any kinds of drugs I could get my hands on. I remember it being very hard to do. Lots of anxiety that I dealt with by meditating, deep breathing exercises and naps. I didn't expect too much of myself to get anything accomplished except to not drink or get high. Some days seemed to last forever. Some days were a lot worse than others. But I am so glad that I went through all of that and I would do it again (but I hope I never have to) knowing how great I feel now. Please stay close to SR. There is a ton of help around here! Best wishes for you on your journey!

hellsbellssssss

Thanks for replying! Wow you gave up a lot at once must have been very hard, you must be proud of yourself.

You give me hope I will just take it day by day and try not to be too hard on myself. I'm alright in the day at work but sitting alone with my thoughts is difficult. I'm going to go down the exercise route give myself a goal to loose 10lbs, when the gyms open again I'll join. Now i'm in my 30s it's time to get into fitness lol. I'll keep coming back to the forum everytime I feel like i'm going to give in.

Cheers for your advice, I really appreciate it.

Obladi

I understand, too. What helped me was routine. And it wasn't things I "wanted" to do - I didn't want to do anything. I set out a modest list of things to do every day without fail. Put them on a whiteboard so that I'd be reminded and get satisfaction out of checking them off. It's good you have work - it's a bit more tricky (but do-able) to fill entire days.

Mine went like this:
AM
meds
meditate for at least 3 minutes (check out the app Headspace - the intro lessons are good - and free)
write an intention for the day
PM
walk
dinner
AA meeting (they are primarily online now)
read
gratitude list - 3 things per day, try not to repeat
meds
bed

Give it a whirl. We lived such disordered lives when we were drinking that it's good for us to practice following through on small commitments, even (maybe especially) those we make for ourselves.

O

hellsbellssssss

Yes work helps but I've also got to get out of the habit of stopping to get wine after work if I've had a bad day. I'll definitely do the gratitude thing I'd love to be able to meditate but my brain will not shut up but I've got headspace and i'll give it another try.

Of an evening I'll do my exercise, gratitude and choose a new show to watch on Netflix. I might try and give myself a non alcoholic treat every week as a reward. I need routine to learn how to be a normal person.

RecklessDrunk

That use to cross my mind, what will I do if I don't drink. Its amazing just how polluted our thinking can get.

Just what do we do that we can't do without alcohol? Besides get arrested and stuff.

If home alone i can feel the ease and comfort of a buzz but that will only last a little while. It will turn to just flopping around like a lumox. I will only get restless and possibly go out looking for trouble anyway, drunk driving, druggin. Its the 21st century so its really easy to make an idiot of myself from the comfort of home as well. Drinking does not make sitting at home suddenly fun, not for long and any fun has more strings attached then its worth.

I don't need alcohol to go out and socialize with people. I've learned alcohol best helps me socialize if the alcohol is in other people. Then they are loose and open and can be easier to talk to. Unless they are trashed. Do I need to drink alcohol to sit in a chair and talk to somebody? Thats how ridiculous this disease can be. I can drink a club soda and sometimes if they serve it in a fancy glass it looks like I'm drinking a mixed drink and people don't even know or care that I'm not drinking.

One of the first things I found amazing was watching football without drinking. I can't believe how much more of a level headed fan I am. No more flying off the handle over the stupidest stuff. I use to have this belief that i could not watch a game without drinking.

Hevyn

Hi hells. It's so good you wanted to discuss this. Not feeling alone is so important. Being here, among friends who understand, is what saw me through some dark days.
I think most of us have had your same thoughts in early recovery. I had been drinking most of my life & I was very disoriented when I quit. I had to learn to live in a new way - without getting numb. It felt strange - I was bored & feeling very down in the beginning. Yet I knew if I returned to drinking it would kill me. I tried to stay distracted as much as possible - as you mentioned, finding something new to watch is good. I walked a lot - telling myself it was going to get better & to not despair. You will get used to the new you - no regret, remorse, danger, drama. It might seem boring now, but hopefully you'll grow to treasure your sobriety & being free.

MaggieJ

Hey Hells. When I finally quit for good I spent ALOT of time of this site. Just reading. Sometimes posting but not often. I think it’s what made the difference after so many years of trying to quit. And I can tell you, the boredom and lack of interest in other things eventually subsides. You eventually discover a new “you”. This month it will be three years. Wasn’t until about the 6 month point that I started to discover the new me. But I did. And now living life....is a completely different experience.

tursiops999

Hi HB -- and welcome. Early sobriety can feel strange and disorienting, but it gets easier day by day. I had to make a plan to fill those first couple hours after work every day. Exercise is a great use of the time and makes me feel so much better. Movies, music and books are good. Maybe try something new -- do you like arts or crafts stuff? Sometimes I get coloring books for grownups - to use with color pencils -- very calming and relaxing. That may not be your thing... But read around the web and here on SR for ideas that appeal to you. If you stick with sobriety for awhile, you'll likely discover a whole new world and way of living.

hellsbellssssss

Thanks for all the support it so kind of you. I'm only on my second night but for me the problem was I kept telling myself I'll start Monday and Monday never came so two days is a big deal for me.

My Kettle Bell came today, the lady told me to get 8kg to start, I should really stop listening to people on youtube. I'll try and get the technique down so I don't end up giving myself a concussion. Anyway the main point is, trying to get myself started with using a kettle bell is giving me something to do. I'm keeping things simple and being patient with myself.

Thanks again for the advice, I'll keep re-reading your lovely messages when I'm feeling like i'm going to break.

SnazzyDresser

I have just 2 simple words for you, Hells: jigsaw puzzles.

Hevyn

Hells - Go ahead and post any time you're feeling anxious or restless. We all know how it feels in the early days.

hellsbellssssss

Thanks Hevyn.

I feel utterly ashamed of myself and like a complete failure I only two and a bit days . I work long days and right at the end of my shift we had 2 emergencies that weren't straightforward for several reasons, and I had to stay. I felt tired and overwhelmed and am now i'm drinking wine.

I'm so annoyed with myself, I keep reinforcing my subconscious beliefs that I cannot quit every time I stop the give in. I would usually pretend it have never happened but I need someone somewhere to know what I did. I need to read this tomorrow and feel deep regret.

kayboom

Hey HB, don’t get too down on yourself for caving. Quitting drinking requires practice, like anything else worth undertaking. Try to look at slip-ups as an opportunity to learn what your triggers are and to think through how you could react differently the next time. One mantra that has helped me in the past is “a craving is not a command.” Just because you get an urge doesn’t mean it has control over your actions. You can choose to “surf the urge”, knowing the craving will pass within a matter of minutes. Good luck!

tursiops999

Hi HB, glad you posted honestly about where you're at. Can you pour it out and drink some water? You can start again and we're here for you.

That voice that says you cannot quit? Its part of your addiction, its not the truth. It wants you to believe you'll fail so that you'll give it what it wants - more drinking. You are absolutely 100% capable of quitting. There are ways to deal with that voice.

hellsbellssssss

I'm thoroughly ashamed of myself I've been drinking every night. How did you just all do it, obviously I not a strong enough person.

Dee74

Hi hellsbells

I don’t think it has much to do with strength as it does to commitment

As silly as it might sound, I posted here - a LOT. I changed my life...when I wanted to drink - for whatever reason - I would come here instead and I would stay here until the urge to drink subsided...Then I would come back the following day and post again even if I was no in danger of drinking - just to keep myself in recovery mode, and get myself in the habit of asking for help and helping others....reinforcing the idea that things had to change.

I knew that, without concerted effort to change, the I would always fall back to default which is drink.

7 posts is good, but maybe slaying this beast is gonna take a little more effort than that?

Don’t let your addiction convince you you can’t do this - you can!

D

Zencat

Sorry your struggling Hells.

What helped me the most was having a recovery toolbox. I would use recovery focused worksheets like: Four Questions About My Addiction Using the CBA Worksheet (Cost-Benefit Analysis Tool) to help me quit alcohol/drugs addiction.
Maybe this can help?

MelindaFlowers

I spent probably 6-12 hours a day on here reading other people's stories, posting, and responding to posts here the first month or so. I've read every story in the "stories of recovery" thread maybe six times. It helped pass the time. Loved the stories too.
The further you get from the last drink the more normal it feels to not drink. You start to feel like the vast majority of people who drink very little or no alcohol at all. It takes time.

hellsbellssssss

Thanks everyone, I'm going to keep coming on here and reading. It doesn't matter about grief or if I don't think there's anything worth living for anymore or wandering what the point in anything is. I've got to pull my socks up because I'm making things worse. I'm not actually physically addicted to alcohol at the moment, I drink to numb the pain. But if I carry on drinking as I am I will become physically addicted.

I've just got to do it no one else can do it for me. I need to drum it into my head that drinking is not an option no matter what.