Cellardweller

Checking in.

I'm tired. I reached three years of being dry/sober this past July. I am trying to do everything right, but I'm empty. My diet isn't perfect but I eat alright, I have an OK relationship, and a job that pays the bills and can buy us some new things every now and then. By most metrics, things are OK. Maybe I'm only dry. I feel like I've done a lot of work to try and make right the things in my life that I made wrong. I work hard, pay my bills, buy updates for the house we bought, tell the truth, and try to engage in new hobbies. I still feel kind of empty.

I think I used to love my old career. Not because of what it was, but because of the creative and business building aspects of the work. It led me all over the country, I met many interesting people, and was lucky to experience what I had. I just get through the day now, which is OK. I wonder if everything during my drinking days was a sort of half-truth? Experiences, thoughts, feelings, decisions, all distorted through the lens of being drunk or hungover. It is a grind though, work and everything else. There's a lot of things that pull from the well and not a lot of rain.

I'm tired. Who else has been there?

least

I've felt like that. Empty and not giving life my full attention. When I was experiencing this, I was advised to start practicing gratitude every day. It was hard at first but I kept at it and made it a habit. Now practicing gratitude every day is part of my routine and it's wonderful how many things I can find to be grateful for. Here's an article about how gratitude rewards us.

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0

fini

can you add something creative to your life, if your current job doesn’t have that? something that fires you up, so to speak?

Dee74

think a lot of folks are washed out with the pandemic and such. Could it be that way for you or do you think this is something else CD?

I need purpose in my life - a reason to feel good about myself and a motivation to get up in the morning. If thats missing for you, it's definitely something to think about.

Congrats on the 3 years tho, Being sober gives you a wonderful canvas to paint from

D

Cellardweller

Thanks for the replies everyone.

I tried practicing gratitude in the truck on the way to work this week and it did help a bit. It's easy to get stuck in a rut when things are hard. I have some personal challenges in my life that make work difficult and after longer days, I am pretty wiped out. I've been getting home from work at 5:00pm and going to bed at 7:00pm, not doing much more than eating a bit and watching a few youtube videos. I would like to have the energy of my 28year old self (I'm 35 now), where I felt in my peak condition/power over my life, but I don't know if I'll get that again. I haven't felt much impact from Covid to be honest. We have to wear masks at work, but we never missed a day (I work in the trades now) and are looking at steady work for the foreseeable future. (Something to be thankful for.)

A lot of my self-worth is tied up into my job. I can explore other options (partner said it was OK) but they would pay less than half of what I'll be making in two years. We have a house to fix up and a lot of other expenditures that are coming up. (I love my old truck, but it's headed to pasture soon, a new roof, fence repair, etc.) I thought it would be easier to just leave work at work, but it is challenging.

I think the things that sometimes make me think about drinking and getting back to my old career aren't hard days and let downs. It's the grind, over time.

I will try to practice gratitude more regularly. I have been hunting hard this year, which has been a bright spot in my weeks. My girlfriend isn't so keen on it but she is supportive mostly.

Thanks again.

aasharon90

I got sober at around 30 yrs old and now 30 yrs later,
i'm 30 yrs sober. Which means i've doubled my age too.

I was a wife and stay mom when I entered recovery
taking what I learned in a 28 day rehab facility or school
as I think of it, and living a day at a time appling those
lessons to help build a stronger, healthier, sober way of
living.

The past 30 yrs and still going, ive gone thru growing
pains as I think of it as for myself. Growing, changing,
repairing damage from the past, not repeating old behavior,
staying active and helping others.

It never fails that when i get into self or little everyday
things bother me, i come here to SR and do some sharing
and before here was going to meetings doing the same,
all to the best of my ability.

How did you feel after you came here to share with us?

Pretty awesome, im guessing?

I know i always do and before i know it, i'm on this
natural high and become more motivated to get outside
and garden, or what i use to do yrs ago, walk/jog at a
local park with a 2 mile paved walkway around soccer
field.

Also with small part time jobs with hauling in baskets
at a grocery store or cleaning someone's apt or home....
it was and still is mostly physical work that keeps me
active and fit still at my age today.

We use our recovery programs to help us remains
soberly fit, our physicians if needed for making sure
we are still strong and ticking properly inside.

I'm not a fan of doctors but was told that they are
there if needed. So getting a complete physical as
we get older makes sense.

They can let us know if we need to switch up on foods
we normally eat and add healthier ones to give us a boost.

Sometimes we get complacent in our recovery lives
and think it's okay to slack off, then before we know
it, we are back into old behaviors or patterns.

Continue to stay the course as 3 yrs is a good accomplishment
for any alcoholic in recovery but is still very young in recovery.

As it was explained to me, when i began drinking, which
was young, teens, my mentality slowed down to almost
stopped growing, maturing. So when i got sober and began
learning how to remain sober each day, i then began to
grow and mature in my mind.

At 30 yrs old when i got sober, i was basically just a young
teenager in my mind. So, over the yrs, ive grown and matured
to get me where I am today.

Mentally, physically and emotionally im still young in
heart, mind and soul.

You still have a journey in life to go, so enjoy it and
keep learning, growing all along your path in life.