arthur

Hi everyone. it's been a very long time since I posted. I just keep things inside and never let them out. I'm starting to realize that not the right way to do things. I have 4 years sober , but I'm not sober in my head. I'm a dry drunk. I don't know where to turn. I have huge trust issues with people in my life and it's not that they did anything wrong... I've been let down by them one too many times. I'm there anytime they need me and when I need them the most ... like now ... their absent. My marriage is falling apart, my wife wants to leave. There's so much more I can write .. but bottom line is I'm afraid I'm going to drink. I've spoken to my therapist and my psychiatrist , my meds are the same. I just don't know where to turn. I'm so depressed it's hard to get out of bed. But I do, for my kids and I have to work. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Hevyn

Hi arthur - I'm so sorry for the miserable time you've been having, but glad you wanted to talk about it.
It's natural to consider falling back on our old 'buffer' - but we already know it never truly helps. We only pile more troubles on top of what's already going on. You don't need the hangovers, shaky nerves, regret, etc. Staying clear headed during these times is the only way to make wise decisions. I hope talking things over here will help you feel less anxious.

Congratulations on your 4 years sober - a huge accomplishment, to be so proud of.

biminiblue

Are you "letting them out" somewhere? At the therapists? If not, maybe that's a place to start. You could write about it here - or start a journal on your computer or on paper.

We all have pasts, we all have secrets, and we all have betrayed and been betrayed in reality (or in our heads) by the people closest to us. We are imperfect creatures, we humans.

One of the biggest things for me is to just forgive. Myself, them, the whole mess. It also comes with the biggest payoff. I don't have to get even or wait for an apology. I can forgive right now, this very second.

Drinking is not the solution.

Dee74

I’m sorry for what brings you back but it’s good to see you Arthur.

Sometimes when I’m overwhelmed by fear, I am glad I have a support network like SR I find knowing I’m not alone really helps.

It also helps me unravel really bad ideas. Drinking again would be one of those.

Arthur, whatever things you have going on, drinking again can only make them 100 times worse.

Stay with us - have faith that, no matter what happens staying sober is absolutely the right thing for you to do.

D

least

Four years sober is wonderful. Have you ever tried practicing gratitude every day? Try it. It will make you happier.

Here's a good article about gratitude.

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0

fini

arthur, hello.
we are all imperfect, and therefore all let each other down occasionally. and just as you do, most of us try to “be there” when needed, but for various reasons aren’t.
not placing the expectation on others to 100% reliably show up for me has saved me from a bunch of disappointment and resentment, though i do fall into that at times.
after about four years sober is exactly when i started to explore the AA program, checking out meetings, chatting about the stepstuff, which i later did and which addresses the being-let-down-by-others quite nicely, among other things.

snitch

Hi Arthur and well done for sharing! The opposite of addiction is connection. Sharing what's going on in your head with other alcoholics helps us all to stay sober.

As others have said and I am sure you know yourself , drinking is not the answer. Alcohol solves nothing, only makes everything a million times worse.

People are fallible. They let us down. I try not to have any expectations amd tjen I am never disappointed. However saying that, do your friends and family know you are struggling and need some support? Have you tried reaching out? Sometimes I think people should realise I am struggling and then I remember that humans aren't mind readers lol.

Gratitude is a brilliant one. When things are tough in my life I write down everything I am grateful for today. My sobriety is always no 1. No matter how bad things are, nothing compares to existing as an active alcoholic. Acceptance as well. Accepting my situation exactly as it is. As if it is meant to be that way and of course the good old Serenity Prayer. I ask for the serentity to accept what I can't change and the courage to change what I can.

No matter what happens you are never alone here. Keep sharing. There will be people who identify with what you are going through and will be able to share their experience. Zoom AA is great too!.