Stayingsassy

Whenever I think I might be “overreacting” on this sobriety gig, I remember all the bathroom stalls I took drinks in.

You know, when you have to go places but drinking isn’t convenient?

Daughter’s Volleyball practices: grown woman in a girl’s bathroom at a school downing miller lites from my tote bag.

Family trip to deadwood, South Dakota: bathroom stall of train station drinking jack Daniels from a fifth quickly bought at a liquor store since the touristy bar beer didn’t prop me up enough

Hospital in home town: one of many trips to visit my father in the hospital after he had a stent placed; prepared this time with a bottle of Jack in my purse, drinking in a hospital bathroom down the hall.

At the movies with my kids: right before the movie, movie bathroom stall, swigging jack from my purse.

what a romantic notion, drinking in the bathroom, folks.

and all the other times I had to drink stealthily: in coffee thermoses, water bottles, cans of coke filled with whisky in the car, drinking all day in the backseat on road trips, drinking at sports games, arriving at family functions half tossed, going to any lunch or dinner already in the bag. Just an incessant need.

the fix, the fix, the fix: had to get the fix, at all costs. For me the costs weren’t as life altering as some, but that compulsion was real.

that’s the stuff, Sassy. That’s what it is.

sortofhomecomin

I never did most of the above, but my last drink was 70% proof hand sanitiser in a guesthouse, having decided that the eight cans of cider wasn't enough. Yeah, classy stuff.

Delilah1

I definitely cringe remembering some of my drinking moments, but then I smile thinking about my sobriety. I’m glad these moments are all behind you Sassy!

TiredCarpenter

I can’t help myself....interestingly, considering the above, I have to disclose....I’ve debated with myself for a few minutes now....ok...here goes....one of my low moments was slurping the 70% hand sanitizer in a bathroom stall.

Kindred spirits are we.


(not my lowest moment, sadly)
geez.

snitch

Yeh the insanity of it all. And then normalising it which is even more insane. Normal drinkers DO NOT do any of this. I was at lunch with a friend who didn't drink and I was going to the toilet via the bar where I bought wine to take to the toilet with me as i couldn't drink like i wanted to in front of them and necked it down in the cubicle plus I had a water bottle in my bag filled with wine to get my fix also. Crazy stuff. I am so glad I do not live like that now 🙏♥️

least

I never drank in bathroom stalls, but it was bad enough that I constantly drank wine, from the moment I got up til I went to bed. So glad I'm done with that.

LumenandNyx

Yep. Pretty gnarly. You paint a lovely picture.

I could add so much, but this is your thread.

Thanks for your post!

Hawkeye13

Excellent post Sass. I was a pre-trip Chugger as spouse always drove. That and some kind of booze mix in a tacky plastic go cup to “disguise” what I really had was a giant cup of drunk, and not a soft drink.

Good times. . . Not.

Don’t miss having the constant urge for the fix, as you say.

shortstop81

Most of the time my car was my secret drinking place during those times. Yes, my CAR, which I used to then drive to/from my destination.

I'm ridiculously lucky I didn't kill myself or anybody else.

Obladi

Not sure what the worst was, but I do remember the school bathroom stalls.
What a horrible place to be in - at that time I simply did Not Care. I couldn't - the thing had me in it's clutches.
Yuck.

biminiblue

I passed out in a bathroom stall at a wedding one time and was left there by my poor boyfriend who didn't know what happened to me.

I wasn't even 20 years old yet...

ciowa

I always remind myself of the reality of my drinking. When I was drinking I would tell myself I was being a super cool drinker and living the life of urban sophistication. When I would think of stopping, my addicts voice would say "Don't stop drinking, you might want to do shots in Key West next month, etc" The reality was, I wasn't drinking in Key west but instead holed up in my dark apartment, drinking cheap vodka, scrolling on social media and refusing to answer the phone from loved ones....hardly the life of urban sophistication I was telling myself I was engaging in by drinking.

violethope

I haven't done that but I have hidden bottles, pretended to be ill instead of too hungover to look after my child and spent rent money on booze and had to desperately scramble so we wouldn't get evicted. I'm done with that crap now. Here's to day 1!

Stayingsassy

Yep, if you ever wonder if you really needed to quit, just look at the weird parts.

There are grown up people who have never in their entire lives hidden bottles of liquor, drank in public bathrooms to top off their high, or started in on booze right after coffee.

Imagine never even knowing that life, and never knowing the split life we’ve lived as active and then sober alcoholics, the before life and the after life. Before quitting, after quitting. And what it means to adapt to the after part, the part where every moment, every day, every week of the life you live now is in black and white contrast to the one before.

27 drinking. 3 sober. No wonder I still feel like Alice in wonderland sometimes.

BullDog777

Especially towards the end, I would always carry around a pepsi bottle with it being full of booze. Maybe just a second or two of actual cola, but mostly booze. That just became the norm for me. The sick part of that was, it was only enough to get the dry heaves to slow down so i could actually go out or eat something. There were 2 sides to me...withdrawal me and drunk me.
I drank everywhere. I just got really good at hiding it. Or maybe I wasn't so good at it and people just left me alone to avoid a confrontation.

What a crappy way to live.

Gettingcloser

Ah yes....bathroom stall drinking. Those were the days....NOT. I remember drinking all Sunday and having to make the 3 hour trip to work that afternoon to be at work for 7am the next day. I took several bottles of beer in the car with me and began my drive. When I sensed my buzz was on its way out I stopped at a large gas station, got rid of my empties in a bathroom stall and chugged a couple more. It truly is insane to not care at that level. I am so grateful for my sobriety!!

Dropsie

Great post.

Very helpful to me and I am sure a lot of people.

Ringside

I can relate and did similar many, many times. In fact, I recall last spring I was in an office building bathroom after a meeting, at the end of the day on a Friday, and I had a moment where it seemed like a reasonable idea to do it right then and there. But, I didn't, so that's good. Public bathroom drinking...crazy, yet it was always a bit exciting for me. Glad those days are behind.

Dave42001

I can identify with everything listed above and more.. I'm so grateful I found SR and AA.. thanks for the share..

RecklessDrunk

Without experiencing alcoholism how would we ever be able to help other alcoholics? For many of us, would we have found a relationship with a higher power?

My drinking wasn't like that. I got up and went to work everyday and most weeks only drank twice. I dealt with work hungover Mondays then ran 6 miles as fast as I possibly could to shake it off. Ate right and exercised all week and started over on the weekend.

What I do have in common with many who drank like that.... An allergy to alcohol and an obsession to drink it. Much of the sober week i would day dream about alcohol.

Many times when I drink i turn into a junkie. Even though I swore id never touch hard drugs again so many times once I drank I could easily end up on crack and heroin.

I drank because I was full of fear. I was approval seeking. I was full of insecurities. I was all wrapped up in self. I did not trust in a higher power. I trusted in king alcohol, anytime I needed emergency comfort or maybe even felt particularly good, king alcohol would always be there.

Our drinking takes a hold of us in different ways but its sort of the same thing.