Found my way back here
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Yeah, my brain was really scrambled when I first quit.
I am concerned about your stomach and swelling...have you seen a doctor? Ascites is nothing to play with if that's what is happening.
Once you get past the detox of this first few days, "cravings" are just disordered thinking. If I decide to do something like Not Drink and I have ongoing thoughts of Yes Drink, then that's a mental distortion and I can easily move past it. It won't hurt me, it's just an annoyance.
I am concerned about your stomach and swelling...have you seen a doctor? Ascites is nothing to play with if that's what is happening.
Once you get past the detox of this first few days, "cravings" are just disordered thinking. If I decide to do something like Not Drink and I have ongoing thoughts of Yes Drink, then that's a mental distortion and I can easily move past it. It won't hurt me, it's just an annoyance.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 158
Originally Posted by biminiblue 
Yeah, my brain was really scrambled when I first quit.
I am concerned about your stomach and swelling...have you seen a doctor? Ascites is nothing to play with if that's what is happening.
Once you get past the detox of this first few days, "cravings" are just disordered thinking. If I decide to do something like Not Drink and I have ongoing thoughts of Yes Drink, then that's a mental distortion and I can easily move past it. It won't hurt me, it's just an annoyance.
I am concerned about your stomach and swelling...have you seen a doctor? Ascites is nothing to play with if that's what is happening.
Once you get past the detox of this first few days, "cravings" are just disordered thinking. If I decide to do something like Not Drink and I have ongoing thoughts of Yes Drink, then that's a mental distortion and I can easily move past it. It won't hurt me, it's just an annoyance.
I'm having quite the panic attack at the moment, today has sucked period, and then something happened that just set me off, didn't take much. So I'm definitely at high risk of drinking right now. Sleep last night was almost like torture, like I'd have been better off not even going to sleep at all. Day 3 from hell. Sorry, not sure if I'm supposed to swear on here.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
I found that focusing on right now (as best as I could) was enormously helpful.
Try not to anticipate what's next. You don't know; you've only just started this time.
That's a pretty great wife you have. Be good to her - and be good to yourself, too.
O
Try not to anticipate what's next. You don't know; you've only just started this time.
That's a pretty great wife you have. Be good to her - and be good to yourself, too.
O
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 158
I'm about 10 minutes from it's too late to order beer online. That was too close. I'm sweating.
This day was just awful through and through. I could not sleep last night at all. You ever have a fitful type of sleep? It was like that on steroids. I'd wake up sweating, feeling like I was just in a fight with something, tossing and turning, over and over again. Could not focus on work at all, mind just not working. Then I went to a local grocery to grab more junk food to get me through any craving or more withdrawal symptoms. Then someone texted me and when I read it, it just made me mad. I went home, told my wife I'm getting beer. He eyes just got all wide and she looked at me. She sort of looked surprised. Then I got on the computer to order beer and I had it up and my cart filled, and then I went to put away the groceries I just bought and talked to the wife, told her how upset I was, chatted with a friend online about other stuff, ate an entire bag of pork rinds and then started on some salt and vinegar potato chips and poured a Perrier on ice and then poured some cran grape juice in it. I love doing that.
Then I got the AV thing, learned about that last time I was here. It said 'beer's already in the cart, just hit submit order and just have a few beers. Well no more than 6 tonight, and you'll be better tomorrow then we can quit, easy peasy. 6 beers cannot hurt you, well maybe 8, but no more'. But somehow a sense of reason came over me and I said to myself 'Man, you know that will not work. If you do it, we will not be having this conversation again for who knows how long'. So close, so close.
Also, I looked at myself in the mirror today after my shower, for the first time in... well, it wasn't the first time I looked at myself in the mirror, I do that every day. But it was like I chose to not see anything, you know? I work from home. I have not been to the office for a very long time. I basically do not have to go anywhere unless I want to. Not much used to shave very often. My hair is long now.I have Zoom meetings, so I try to look presentable for those. But everyone is just wearing t-shirts these days and people even wearing baseball caps and wearing headphones and the webcams are not that high rez and you have that fix appearance thing on and it's hard to tell. But today I took a GOOD look in the mirror at me and it scared me. I was like 'Oh my God, man, what?'. My wife keeps saying 'you look like a homeless person, shave and cut your hair, and you look like you've had a rough time.'. Well, yeah, very rough time. Try staying drunk for years and see what you look like. I've never looked this bad.
I'm really worried, I think I done went too far this time. It's strange because day 2, I felt a little down at times and nervous a lot, but I also had some feeling of excitement that I'm going to turn this all around. And I started thinking about setting myself some goals and I started thinking 'you're going to lose all this weight again and you're going to get in the best shape ever and so many dreams, going to do this now, and that'. That seems an eternity ago now, just yesterday. I hope I can sleep tonight.
This day was just awful through and through. I could not sleep last night at all. You ever have a fitful type of sleep? It was like that on steroids. I'd wake up sweating, feeling like I was just in a fight with something, tossing and turning, over and over again. Could not focus on work at all, mind just not working. Then I went to a local grocery to grab more junk food to get me through any craving or more withdrawal symptoms. Then someone texted me and when I read it, it just made me mad. I went home, told my wife I'm getting beer. He eyes just got all wide and she looked at me. She sort of looked surprised. Then I got on the computer to order beer and I had it up and my cart filled, and then I went to put away the groceries I just bought and talked to the wife, told her how upset I was, chatted with a friend online about other stuff, ate an entire bag of pork rinds and then started on some salt and vinegar potato chips and poured a Perrier on ice and then poured some cran grape juice in it. I love doing that.
Then I got the AV thing, learned about that last time I was here. It said 'beer's already in the cart, just hit submit order and just have a few beers. Well no more than 6 tonight, and you'll be better tomorrow then we can quit, easy peasy. 6 beers cannot hurt you, well maybe 8, but no more'. But somehow a sense of reason came over me and I said to myself 'Man, you know that will not work. If you do it, we will not be having this conversation again for who knows how long'. So close, so close.
Also, I looked at myself in the mirror today after my shower, for the first time in... well, it wasn't the first time I looked at myself in the mirror, I do that every day. But it was like I chose to not see anything, you know? I work from home. I have not been to the office for a very long time. I basically do not have to go anywhere unless I want to. Not much used to shave very often. My hair is long now.I have Zoom meetings, so I try to look presentable for those. But everyone is just wearing t-shirts these days and people even wearing baseball caps and wearing headphones and the webcams are not that high rez and you have that fix appearance thing on and it's hard to tell. But today I took a GOOD look in the mirror at me and it scared me. I was like 'Oh my God, man, what?'. My wife keeps saying 'you look like a homeless person, shave and cut your hair, and you look like you've had a rough time.'. Well, yeah, very rough time. Try staying drunk for years and see what you look like. I've never looked this bad.
I'm really worried, I think I done went too far this time. It's strange because day 2, I felt a little down at times and nervous a lot, but I also had some feeling of excitement that I'm going to turn this all around. And I started thinking about setting myself some goals and I started thinking 'you're going to lose all this weight again and you're going to get in the best shape ever and so many dreams, going to do this now, and that'. That seems an eternity ago now, just yesterday. I hope I can sleep tonight.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,383
You will find good days and bad days for a while, and you'll realize everyone else in the world has them too.
We just don't drink on it, and with every hard day done sober, the way ahead gets easier
D
We just don't drink on it, and with every hard day done sober, the way ahead gets easier
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 158
Originally Posted by Dee74
You will find good days and bad days for a while, and you'll realize everyone else in the world has them too.
We just don't drink on it, and with every hard day done sober, the way ahead gets easier
D
We just don't drink on it, and with every hard day done sober, the way ahead gets easier
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 158
I'm sorry I'm rambling. I can't sleep too much. I know I won't be going to bed for a while now and I don't want to do anything, nothing seems interesting and I'm nervous. I should probably just keep myself a journal to do this. Is there a section like that here, or is it OK if I just keep rambling on in this thread? I don't want to be being rude of anything.
I'm a little lost because I don't know what to expect. The first time I quit, I didn't quit because I wanted to quit drinking. I quit because I was very ill, I was too sick to drink. 3 days into that, I was in the hospital, drugged up and completely out of it. About 7-8 days later I was sent back home. So that was close to 2 weeks without alcohol, for the first time in more than 10 years with a day without the stuff. I wasn't having cravings and I don't know if I was having any other signs of withdrawal because I was so weak. I spent a few days mostly sleeping or lying down or lying on the sofa with my wife waiting on me and helping me with everything. So any signs of anything from alcohol being gone would have just not been too noticeable, along with the pain medication I had for another week. About the 3rd-4th week, I wanted to go back to work. I was feeling pretty good by then.
Everyone at work was telling me how good I looked. One person who I work closely with, we had walked to another building for a meeting on a Friday and I was so short of breath I could barely make it. I know I was walking like an old man and I said I don't feel very well. He looked at me and said 'You don't look too good, you should just go home or get to the hospital'. On Monday I was in the Hospital. When I back, he said 'man, you look better!'. Well, that's all gone now, I look terrible again.
I hate to keep cramming junk food in my face all day, but I'll take it over drinking for now. I'm not sure If I'm writing the same thing over again, it's just keeping me a little sane for the moment.
I'm a little lost because I don't know what to expect. The first time I quit, I didn't quit because I wanted to quit drinking. I quit because I was very ill, I was too sick to drink. 3 days into that, I was in the hospital, drugged up and completely out of it. About 7-8 days later I was sent back home. So that was close to 2 weeks without alcohol, for the first time in more than 10 years with a day without the stuff. I wasn't having cravings and I don't know if I was having any other signs of withdrawal because I was so weak. I spent a few days mostly sleeping or lying down or lying on the sofa with my wife waiting on me and helping me with everything. So any signs of anything from alcohol being gone would have just not been too noticeable, along with the pain medication I had for another week. About the 3rd-4th week, I wanted to go back to work. I was feeling pretty good by then.
Everyone at work was telling me how good I looked. One person who I work closely with, we had walked to another building for a meeting on a Friday and I was so short of breath I could barely make it. I know I was walking like an old man and I said I don't feel very well. He looked at me and said 'You don't look too good, you should just go home or get to the hospital'. On Monday I was in the Hospital. When I back, he said 'man, you look better!'. Well, that's all gone now, I look terrible again.
I hate to keep cramming junk food in my face all day, but I'll take it over drinking for now. I'm not sure If I'm writing the same thing over again, it's just keeping me a little sane for the moment.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,383
HiTheWayBack
there is a blog section here but you're using the forums for exactly the right purpose, and this way you get feedback too
The more years I drank the rougher my detox was. Its a thing called kindling. It means that you might feel pretty bad some days for a little while - but the effects not permanent.
Try and think of it as your mind and body healing - all the toxins and poisons leaving
Stay sober and you'll be OK
D
there is a blog section here but you're using the forums for exactly the right purpose, and this way you get feedback too
The more years I drank the rougher my detox was. Its a thing called kindling. It means that you might feel pretty bad some days for a little while - but the effects not permanent.
Try and think of it as your mind and body healing - all the toxins and poisons leaving
Stay sober and you'll be OK
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Is this day four or five for you? You are KILLING this, you’ve got this!!
like Dee said, the forums can be used for exactly this purpose, you can use this very thread as a journal if you like, when it gets really long Dee will just create a new one for you to continue on.
i remember those early days, the eating, the anxiety, the weirdness. I had some depersonalization, sometimes I’d just “lose myself” for a minute and then come back...even up to a month later.
It’s all normal, but if you get the bad shakes: like severe tremors that don’t stop, or severe headaches, dizziness or palpitations, go to the ER. Sometimes people have seizures, but other times it’s blood pressure that goes through the roof, and if that crests high enough it’s bad news. I was once sent to the urgent care during outpatient rehab because I was 220/100 on day five of sobriety and didn’t even realize it. They had me lie down in a dark room on lisinopril and clonidine. So you may not even realize your bp is high. Reduce all stress. Sleep as much as possible. Don’t let the texts and messages get to you, just don’t read it if it’s all setting you off. Watch a mindless show or sports or something that calms you.
While on your eating frenzies, don’t forget the baths, do you have a bathtub? Dump some Epsom salts in and soak. It helps.
you’re doing this now. Don’t think about tomorrow. All you have to do every single day is not drink Today.
like Dee said, the forums can be used for exactly this purpose, you can use this very thread as a journal if you like, when it gets really long Dee will just create a new one for you to continue on.
i remember those early days, the eating, the anxiety, the weirdness. I had some depersonalization, sometimes I’d just “lose myself” for a minute and then come back...even up to a month later.
It’s all normal, but if you get the bad shakes: like severe tremors that don’t stop, or severe headaches, dizziness or palpitations, go to the ER. Sometimes people have seizures, but other times it’s blood pressure that goes through the roof, and if that crests high enough it’s bad news. I was once sent to the urgent care during outpatient rehab because I was 220/100 on day five of sobriety and didn’t even realize it. They had me lie down in a dark room on lisinopril and clonidine. So you may not even realize your bp is high. Reduce all stress. Sleep as much as possible. Don’t let the texts and messages get to you, just don’t read it if it’s all setting you off. Watch a mindless show or sports or something that calms you.
While on your eating frenzies, don’t forget the baths, do you have a bathtub? Dump some Epsom salts in and soak. It helps.
you’re doing this now. Don’t think about tomorrow. All you have to do every single day is not drink Today.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 158
Originally Posted by Dee74
HiTheWayBack
there is a blog section here but you're using the forums for exactly the right purpose, and this way you get feedback too
The more years I drank the rougher my detox was. Its a thing called kindling. It means that you might feel pretty bad some days for a little while - but the effects not permanent.
Try and think of it as your mind and body healing - all the toxins and poisons leaving
Stay sober and you'll be OK
D
there is a blog section here but you're using the forums for exactly the right purpose, and this way you get feedback too
The more years I drank the rougher my detox was. Its a thing called kindling. It means that you might feel pretty bad some days for a little while - but the effects not permanent.
Try and think of it as your mind and body healing - all the toxins and poisons leaving
Stay sober and you'll be OK
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 158
Originally Posted by Stayingsassy
Is this day four or five for you? You are KILLING this, you’ve got this!!
like Dee said, the forums can be used for exactly this purpose, you can use this very thread as a journal if you like, when it gets really long Dee will just create a new one for you to continue on.
i remember those early days, the eating, the anxiety, the weirdness. I had some depersonalization, sometimes I’d just “lose myself” for a minute and then come back...even up to a month later.
It’s all normal, but if you get the bad shakes: like severe tremors that don’t stop, or severe headaches, dizziness or palpitations, go to the ER. Sometimes people have seizures, but other times it’s blood pressure that goes through the roof, and if that crests high enough it’s bad news. I was once sent to the urgent care during outpatient rehab because I was 220/100 on day five of sobriety and didn’t even realize it. They had me lie down in a dark room on lisinopril and clonidine. So you may not even realize your bp is high. Reduce all stress. Sleep as much as possible. Don’t let the texts and messages get to you, just don’t read it if it’s all setting you off. Watch a mindless show or sports or something that calms you.
While on your eating frenzies, don’t forget the baths, do you have a bathtub? Dump some Epsom salts in and soak. It helps.
you’re doing this now. Don’t think about tomorrow. All you have to do every single day is not drink Today.
like Dee said, the forums can be used for exactly this purpose, you can use this very thread as a journal if you like, when it gets really long Dee will just create a new one for you to continue on.
i remember those early days, the eating, the anxiety, the weirdness. I had some depersonalization, sometimes I’d just “lose myself” for a minute and then come back...even up to a month later.
It’s all normal, but if you get the bad shakes: like severe tremors that don’t stop, or severe headaches, dizziness or palpitations, go to the ER. Sometimes people have seizures, but other times it’s blood pressure that goes through the roof, and if that crests high enough it’s bad news. I was once sent to the urgent care during outpatient rehab because I was 220/100 on day five of sobriety and didn’t even realize it. They had me lie down in a dark room on lisinopril and clonidine. So you may not even realize your bp is high. Reduce all stress. Sleep as much as possible. Don’t let the texts and messages get to you, just don’t read it if it’s all setting you off. Watch a mindless show or sports or something that calms you.
While on your eating frenzies, don’t forget the baths, do you have a bathtub? Dump some Epsom salts in and soak. It helps.
you’re doing this now. Don’t think about tomorrow. All you have to do every single day is not drink Today.
Yeah, this is no fun. But I really appreciate everyone's comments and help. It is really helping.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 158
Made it one more day, so that's 4.
Got to sleep around 3am last night and didn't wake up, or if I did, I don't remember doing so until the alarm went off at 9am. So for me, 6 hours of unbroken sleep is amazing and I definitely felt a positive effect. I felt better today than I have in a long time. I was actually a little productive in my work and could focus. My wife and I talked and made food together, it was great.
Now I'm a little down again, since it's time I should have a heavy beer buzz going. But so much better than yesterday. But I still have this dead zone feeling. I can test it by just trying to play a video game, which is something I typically really enjoy and I cannot. I'm just not interested in anything. I remember that being a major issue last time, even 2 months after stopping.
I'm very concerned because tomorrow is Friday, so the weekend. I'm going to try to do this.
Got to sleep around 3am last night and didn't wake up, or if I did, I don't remember doing so until the alarm went off at 9am. So for me, 6 hours of unbroken sleep is amazing and I definitely felt a positive effect. I felt better today than I have in a long time. I was actually a little productive in my work and could focus. My wife and I talked and made food together, it was great.
Now I'm a little down again, since it's time I should have a heavy beer buzz going. But so much better than yesterday. But I still have this dead zone feeling. I can test it by just trying to play a video game, which is something I typically really enjoy and I cannot. I'm just not interested in anything. I remember that being a major issue last time, even 2 months after stopping.
I'm very concerned because tomorrow is Friday, so the weekend. I'm going to try to do this.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
Day four is almost the end of the physical withdrawals, so it should start getting better for you soon. 
Withdrawal is hell, but just remember - if you never drink again, you'll never have to go thru this hell again.
Stay strong and come here a lot to vent and read and keep us informed as to how you're doing. We care!
Withdrawal is hell, but just remember - if you never drink again, you'll never have to go thru this hell again. Stay strong and come here a lot to vent and read and keep us informed as to how you're doing. We care!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 158
Originally Posted by least
Day four is almost the end of the physical withdrawals, so it should start getting better for you soon. Withdrawal is hell, but just remember - if you never drink again, you'll never have to go thru this hell again.
Stay strong and come here a lot to vent and read and keep us informed as to how you're doing. We care!
Withdrawal is hell, but just remember - if you never drink again, you'll never have to go thru this hell again. Stay strong and come here a lot to vent and read and keep us informed as to how you're doing. We care!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 158
Too late to get alcohol, so day 5 in the books. Today was an OK day, more good than bad. I still cannot stop the binge eating. I worked today, which doesn't take any physical energy, I just sit at a desk. I made a batch of fresh salsa this evening and by the time I was done and cleaned up everything, I felt exhausted. Not much energy, I feel too tired. I guess since I'm 10 years older than when I started my binge, I shouldn't expect to feel like I did before that, I'm just getting older, sigh...
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
it makes sense to be exhausted, TWB.
your body is going through major changes, and that includes your brain.
keep drinking that perrier and such, and i’d suggest adding some protein to the junk diet....keep the junk for now if it helps, but add some good, lean protein and a good multivitamin. at least.
you might be quite malnourished.
your body is going through major changes, and that includes your brain.
keep drinking that perrier and such, and i’d suggest adding some protein to the junk diet....keep the junk for now if it helps, but add some good, lean protein and a good multivitamin. at least.
you might be quite malnourished.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
It's a bumpy road for a while, early on, but I promise you it gets better. Might not notice the difference each day, but after a few weeks you'll notice something's different.
It's gradual, but you'll get there. Just don't drink, no matter what.
Might not notice the difference each day, but after a few weeks you'll notice something's different. It's gradual, but you'll get there.
Just don't drink, no matter what.
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