OPB

Hi all, not sure where to post this so apologies if off topic.

I stopped the booze about 2 1/2 years ago without too much trouble. I went into a clinic for anxiety/depression and figured that if I can go for 3 weeks without a drink I can just keep on not drinking.

The problem is that nothing has significantly changed since I stopped drinking. I'm still low level depressed, withdrawn, anxious and very irritable just without the hangover. Earlier today I heard about the condition known as "dry drunk" and when I read the diagnostic criteria they ticked all the boxes. I'm seeing a psychologist this Wed to talk about this but I have to say I'm very down about the fact that stopping drinking is only really the beginning of the journey and not the end I had hoped it would be. If anyone has any experience of this or can direct me to the correct forum I would appreciate it very much.

Obladi

Hello OPB!
Welcome to the family and well done on 2.5 years sober - that's amazing.
This is a perfectly fine place to post. You're welcome anywhere, really. Take a look around at the different forums to see if you find others that may help you as well.

I am not at all fond of the term "dry drunk," but I understand why you might think you meet the criteria. I'm really impressed that you've managed to stay away from the booze given your generally down mood. I'm no psychologist, but I've seen plenty of them and it sure sounds like you may be certifiably and clinically depressed. And this is why I'm not a fan of the lay diagnosis of others as "dry drunk." It's meant by (some) AA people to describe a person who is "irritable, restless and discontent," and the reason a person is suggested to be in such a condition is because they have not worked through the 12 Steps of Alcoholic Recovery. But some of us have baseline mental health issues, and those deserve attention as well.

Now, I'm quite certain there are former drunks who turn their lives around on the sheer power of those steps. I've done em myself, and can attest that a change did happen within me. However, I've done a ton of additional things to work on what ails me (depression and anxiety), so I also credit my therapist, the correct medication, and really hard soul-searching work on my part.

It is a bummer that just stopping the drink doesn't make everyone happy. But given my lifelong battle with those other psychological issues, I had no expectation things would be all sunshine and rainbows simply by quitting. You're right, it is the beginning of the journey, not the end. But removing alcohol is a critical piece in order to start anew. It's good you're seeing a psychologist already having an understanding of what's going on with you - it will help them to help you.

There are quite a lot of AA meetings online now. I'd suggest you shop around and see if you can find one or several where you might become comfortable. (I say "might become" because a good dose of Wait and See is needed for a lot of people new to the program.)

Glad you're here.
Don't be a stranger!

O

Dee74

Welcome OPB

hope you got my PM about moving your post to its own thread

When I quit drinking I'd done it so many times before knew I had to do two things to stay sober - one was not drink and the other was learn to be happy about that. ...

I worked really hard at building a sober life I love - and that still works for me today over a decade later.

so I guess my question for you is what else have you changed besides just not drinking?

D

fini

sorry to hear you’re so down; as far as being down about stopping drinking turning out to be only the beginning of the journey...well, yeah, i hadn’t expected that, either.
so it was a bit of a bummer(understatement)
upshot is: it means there can be lots of improvement, new stuff to discover, implement, change.
to me, the beginning of a journey is filled with trepidation, hope and anticipation, curiosity.
so there’s that!
welcome, OPB.

Popeye2014

I need help on how to start a post

Dee74

go to the main forum page
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...mers-recovery/

and in the top left hand corner of the page you should see a gold 'new thread' button

hit that and you;re away

D

OPB

Thanks for the encouragement all. @Dee - very good question! I didn't think there was anything else to be done apart from stopping drinking so the answer is ...nothing really. I expected everything to magically be ok when I stopped. Instead I became even more isolated and emotionally unavailable and the temper tantrums and negative outlook never went away. I've never known anything else so I guess I didn't have very high expectations. My wife is in a clinic right now largely because of my mood and general apathy which has been a hell of a wake up call for me.

There is a local AA meeting not too far from me and I'm waiting for an answer whether they're open during Covid.

fini

many online zoom meetings, OPB, so you can join those anywhere in the world at any time.

Fusion

Hi OBP, well you could talk yourself into being a 'dry-drunk' (which I don't believe in) and go on a paper trail to nowhere. Or you could find a solution to your depression and anxiety. It's positive you're seeing a psychologist.

Alternatively, you could try to improve your life with new routines, pastimes, gratitude lists, meditation, hobbies etc., none of which have anything to do with stopping drinking - they are just what people do who don't drink, or do drink, normality. Ex-drinkers are nothing special, don't need a solution out in the ether. I found the solution was inside me, applying myself to new practices, habits and pastimes, enriching my life.

Anna

I'm glad you're sober OPB, but yea, nothing happens magically when you stop drinking. In fact, that's when the hard work begins. For me, I had to do some serious soul-searching and make some significant changes in my life regarding people and activities, in order to support my recovery. Things can get better if you work at it. And, you might want to talk to your doctor about the depression because it's possible that medication might a help for you.

OPB

You're both clearly right about making changes. I have a hell of a lot of work to do on myself but undoubtedly need some guidance with the process. I've been stuck for a long time and the meds are not holding things together. My psychiatrist has emigrated and I have to find someone else now after 10 years of seeing her. I think my wife going to the clinic has given me enough of a shock to try to improve my state rather than just being completely passive about it. I've never reached out to any sort of forum before. I thought I could just tough it out and do it on my own. Big mistake I realise.

SoberLeigh

Welcome, OPD.

I, too, was a little over two years sober when I found this site.

Really great advice above. Recovery takes work but it is where the Magic occurs.

So glad that you are with us.

Fusion

OPG, meant to add, I'm really glad you're here and posting and welcome! You can improve your life, please believe that, you really can, and the good folks on SR can offer you support, and guidance, as you do!

Obladi

I'd say that recent events offer you an "opportunity" (conspired to force you) to make some real changes. Believe it or not, this is actually a very promising development because you are willing to now take a hard look at what can be changed. If your meds were doing you no good, your shrink wasn't really doing their job. If you were complacently waiting for change to knock on your door, you weren't really doing your job either. But you didn't know... and now you do. That's kind of exciting, really!

It was definitely a good move to join this site.
Will your psychologist be able to help you find a new psychiatrist?
Search on your browser for "AA (insert your favorite metropolitan area here)" and you will easily be able to locate a whole slew of online meetings. Do it, man. It's so easy. You don't even need to put pants on.

O

OPB

Thanks Obladi. Zoom meeting are a real problem for me. I live on a farm and my internet is mostly not there at all. I kind of time my posts here when I have any sort of connection.I've tried zoom meetings before and the connection just doesn't hold up.
My wife's psychiatrist has agreed to take me on as a patient so that she has insight into the family dynamic and the psychologist I am talking to today will work with my wife's psychologist so I think I'm covered. I'm glad I reached out to this group. I didn't know that the recovery path was going to be so intensive. My doctor never mentioned ongoing therapy after I quit drinking other than seeing her every couple of months to adjust meds. Anyway, new beginning now and I have some hope although I'm scared ******** about the process. The old anxiety making its voice heard again.

I'll post the outcome of my session which is in an hour's time.

OPB

Productive with psych today - all about neglected inner child leading to anxiety leading to booze. Quite intense but feeling a little less bent now that there is some sort of direction. I've always viewed the world as inherently hostile and the booze took the edge off that quite nicely. In fact the booze took me to the other extreme where I had very few inhibitions and let me indulge in some high risk behaviours. Thankfully these were legal and didn't do me any harm and I abandoned them completely when I came out of the clinic and became something of a recluse. Always all or nothing with the booze...

A question:

I used to be mostly a beer drinker and basically drank all day long which I could do since I work from home. When I came back from the clinic I developed a taste for de-alcoholised beer which has a nominal content 0f 0.03% alch. Should I steer clear of this stuff? After doing some reading there seems to be a general consensus that this is considered a sort of gateway back to alcohol and should be avoided but I have never had any inclination or craving for booze since the clinic. I know I don't have a second chance. Opinions please?

Anna

I'm glad you had a good discussion with your psychiatrist.

De-alcoholised beer and wine are often a topic here. The general consensus is, it's not a good idea. I think, in early recovery, it's important to start to form new, healthy habits. And, drinking de-alcoholised beer is too much like the old habit. I got rid of my wine glasses, all of them because they held memories that I was distancing myself from.

Obladi

Hey OPB,

I'm glad you had a good appointment, too.

A couple of observations/thoughts, for what it's worth:
1. It is generally considered to be unethical for a mental health professional to treat members of the same family. Unless, of course, you're doing family therapy. I've seen this gone bad, so would really encourage you to find your own shrink.
2. If there were a meeting in person in the area, you'd need to drive to get to it, right? So can you drive to place where you can get a better signal and participate from your car? At most meetings I attend, there is at least one person sitting in their car, so it shouldn't turn any heads.

O

OPB

OK thanks for advice - I'll ditch the NA beer just in case.
I have found another psychiatrist and am waiting for an appt.
I also have found a spot with reasonable internet access so will try a zoom AA meeting tomorrrow evening.
Another question:
It's clear to me that my alcoholism was brought about by underlying anxiety and depression which have existed since I was a kid. Booze was a great escape.
Maybe I'm being naive but it seems to me that although I know in my soul that I am truly an alcoholic I feel that the primary therapy I need is for the underlying conditions not for staying away from booze. I have been though some very very tough times since I stopped drinking and never once thought of a drink. So am I an alcoholic without a drinking problem? My short experience of AA many years ago was that it was primarily to assist people struggling with staying sober and not so much to support them with the causes of their alcoholism. Any thoughts? And thanks once again for the input.

Obladi

Great job on all of that.
I look forward to hearing about the meeting.

I don't think you're naive at all. I too believe that my primary problem is anxiety and depression, present long before I had a drinking problem. Some die-hard AAers would say you are a dry drunk. Personally, I think that minimizes the issues you and I face. Not out of disrespect so much as out of ignorance. I think you are a person who was once addicted to alcohol and now has a handle on that; and now you could use expert help for your other issues.

Anyhow, we needed to stop drinking first. Getting that out of the way leaves room for actually dealing with the underlying issues.

All of that notwithstanding, I still find support in AA. It's a good program for living,, in my opinion. Who could argue with principles like kindness, connection, and setting your wrongs right as soon as possible after they are done? I'm not like the ordinary bear that I encounter in AA, but I'm like some of them. I honestly consider myself to be one of "those too who suffer from grave emotional or mental disorders" and make no bones about it. Regardless of how you came about developing the addiction, you did. So you deserve a seat in AA as much as the next guy. As long as I bear in mind that not all people are the same and our mutual mission is to stay sober and help other people who want to do that, it's all good.

You can call yourself anything you want - the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop (stay stopped) drinking.

O