fini

one of my friends simply has two dates, and sometimes acknowledges both, one or none.
which works fine for her and is only mildly confusing for her friends who sometimes want to give her a card:

Lpg, the date is nothing of importance in comparison to your time away from booze. don’t mix those up.
you can do this!

Derringer

I have a theory that there are different types of "alcoholics" and the necessary treatment varies accordingly.

Whilst drinking, we all look fairly similar, that's not what differentiates us.

Its what happens when we stop.

Type A: self realises that alcohol is a problem, self recovers, may struggle briefly for a few weeks or months, but eventually goes on an upward trajectory. Can genuinely say they feel better, don't miss it, life is better etc.

Type B: basically scare themselves sober. Something drastic happens, hospitalized or nearly died, loss of job and or family ... self recovery follows similar path to the above, can easily retain thoughts of how close they came to death or other losses.

Type C: can self realise or suffer catastrophe. Initial struggle with sobriety doesn't ease with time. Restless, irritable and discontent. Life is grey and somewhat painful, relationships suffer at work and at home. How bad it was is easily and readily supplanted with how good it was and this isn't something that seems to happen with A or B, they have little trouble in this area.

Once I realized the above, my angst at not being able to get sober and be happy about it eased. I took the 12 steps of AA (widely acknowledged as the only known remedy for the Type C) and have been happily sober since.

Sobriety is now what I thought it was going to be like and what type A and B people promised me was in store if I could "just stop drinking"

Lpg

Yes It sounds madness to even think that way. I know. I've just been having a really hard time with it all lately, I know Im on the edge off giving up so looking for an excuse. Like I said I've even been having thoughts on drinking in secret because I know my loved ones won't tolerate it. I'm glad in posting all this here though it's helping me see how mental it would be to throw it away.
It's just not easy for me right now. And what's worse is the guilt I feel for having these thoughts because I have a great life right now.

Dee74

Addiction doesn't care great from awful - either pole is good enough if it gets you drinking/high and back on the merry go round from Hell.

D

Lpg

Thank you fini yes two dates could work. It's just embarrassing to say oh BTW the whole time iv been not drinking iv still been smoking.

Derringer yes I've been doing meeting again on zoom this week, I did do AA in the beginning but quit because I was so nervous sharing and being honest. I tried sharing in a zoom meeting last week and burst out crying... AGAIN! Thought sod this left meeting but then thought no get ur arse back in there and suck it up. Will listen for now and share when Im ready.
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Sassy I've just took a leaf and went out a run. First one since having the baby but I feel great after that

fini

but Lpg, it is perfectly FINE to burst out crying in a meeting. you likely have stuff to cry about. we all do. and often, it is the first part of the relief we need.

Obladi

Lpg, the meetings that are most meaningful to me are those where people are honest about their struggles.

People are so funny, aren't we? We want to go to a meeting where the primary purpose is to help others recover from alcoholism, but then we're afraid to spill it. I remember quite vividly speaking with my sponsor after a meeting and saying I didn't have anything to share - everyone was talking about how it WAS for them in the bad old days and I was still IN those days. She said, "That's exactly when you should share, O!"

Yeah, it's scary to be honest, but that old saw about being just as sick as our secrets has proven to be true in my case. When I just say what's going on with me without worry for what other people will think, I find the reception to be very warm. And I've seen people be extraordinarily supportive of others who just tell it like they see it right now, even people who say that they really hate AA right now. Not to mention that there is almost always another person in the room who responds, "I'm glad you said that - sometimes I feel that way too."

Somebody on SR told me quite a long time ago that I should speak my truth, even when my voice shakes. That was really good advice. The other thing that has helped me tremendously in my self-perceived different-ness is that I bloody well earned my seat in AA. If I feel judgement coming in my direction, (1) that may not actually be the case and (2) some people are just not able to handle it when things get a little messy - that's their problem, really. I'm in that seat to save my life, so if honesty is what it takes then honesty is what I will give.

Glad you enjoyed your run!

O

Stayingsassy

hey!! Good for you, that runner’s high beats MJ any day. Floaty, euphoric, sweaty, relaxed. I hope it was a good one

Lpg

Fini, obladi yes you guys are right I shouldn't worry about being emotional in the rooms and I even had people message me lovely things to say the very same. It's all just my own personal worry about being judged and lacking confidence, I have plenty to share & I'm desperate to do so, I know it will help me tremendously to get it out.
Still not smoked either I'm quite proud of myself it doesn't seem to be bothering me much now, I'm actually really proud of myself at the way I'm handling both craving for booze & not smoking right now.