Lost a friend
 

So this morning I learned of the sudden passing of an old friend of mine to alcoholism. I have been in recovery for 13 months, and though this was not completely unexpected, it is tragic and still taking me aback somehow.

I had been friends with this person for many years, and stopped seeing her last year as I was trying to get myself into a healthier place (I.e. sober) without the added triggers (it was never spoken about, but I suspected she might be in a similar alcoholic place as me at the time...some of her behaviours were becoming relatable). I had kind of thought that maybe it was all in my head, and I was just projecting my problems onto another, so I didn’t address it with her. I’d thought somehow that if it was meant to be, we would cross paths somehow and our journeys would realign. I didn’t really think our paths would diverge so very drastically.

Truth be told, I was ashamed of my own issues, and was fearful of judgement.

Alas, apparently she went on a decline since and had reached out for help with the program, but just couldn’t get her feet beneath her again. My heart hurts knowing the misery she must have felt, and somehow I wish I’d reached out to her to let her know she wasn’t alone. I wish I’d told her that I was in the program (we hadn’t crossed paths at meetings, so I didn’t know she was there).

So this is my message for today; I need to take it and learn from it, use it to keep me on this sober journey.

Connection is everything in sobriety. I also must make a shift and there can be no place for shame.

I wish you all the best, love, strength, and sobriety.

Sapph, I'm very sorry for the loss of your friend, and I'm sorry that you feel some guilt about the situation. Congratulations on 13 months of recovery. I think your statement here says it all. :)

So this is my message for today; I need to take it and learn from it, use it to keep me on this sober journey.

Connection is everything in sobriety. I also must make a shift and there can be no place for shame.

I'm sorry for this painful loss, Sapph. Prayers going up for you & your friend. :hug:

(Hug)

Sorry for your loss Sapph

I’m sorry too Sapph. I think a lot of us have felt that guilt at times, but the reality is no one can do everything. No matter how we try, people we love will make bad dangerous and even deadly choices :(

I'm sorry that you lost a friend. I hope that as time goes on your fond memories will comfort you.

Damn it. So sorry. I have been there and its so confusing snd painful.

Sorry Sapph21.

It is just incredibly sad to witness the devastating impact and loneliness the liquid we pour in our glass can bring this level of misery. Try not to torture yourself because it will not help anybody. You don't know if reaching out would have been useful or bad for both of you.
And yes, being connected is really important and probably one of the first thing drinking takes from us.
big virtual hugs

Sapph,

That is terrible. So scary how fast it can go.

I have had something similar happen and can relate. A dear friend died suddenly, not alcohol related. After he was gone, I realised that he had had terrible financial problems that he had totally hidden. I too had been having similar issues at the time and if we had not been so ashamed, we could have supported each other. But shame got in the way.

So I have tried to learn the same lesson about shame. Hiding is engrained in our psychy as drinkers and breaking that pattern is hard, but so freeing.

I have been trying to do it for my friend; in his honor.

XX

I am so sorry for your loss and grateful that you posted this reminder that connection is so important. Be kind to yourself.