I know better
 

WTF am I doing? I have 1.8 years sober under my belt. Then I got the bright idea that I could control it (due to covid isolation). I decided it was ok for me to head to the liquor store that weekend. At first I could control it, but then I soon started drinking on weeknights. So now I am on a 6 week slide SOO sad. I can go 4 or 5 days sober and then BAMM. I just want to stop

Hi Speed39144 :)

maybe its time to get back to basics? How did you quit before?

D

Now that you know better, do better. :) There's a way out of this hell if you just find it or make it. :)

That old AV (Covid for many) is always out there. I've failed miserably many times. That daily challenge, meditation, affirmation, coming to SR, however you fee,l is a great deterrant.

If knowing better was the key, I would have made it to lasting recovery much sooner. I had to do better; and repeat over and over.

For me, there is a huge difference between sobriety and recovery. I knew better at 5 years of sobriety and thought I could control it. I don't need to say how that turned out. This time around, I focused on recovery. Sobriety taught me to know better. Recovery taught me to do better. Sobriety is about not drinking. Recovery is about much more than just not drinking. It encompasses the whole package of my approach to life.

The good news is that recovery is now second nature to me, like breathing. What a relief and a gift!!! Well worth any effort expended.

In order to embrace recovery, I first had to first get sober. Then I could start working on recovery. You know how to get sober because you have done it before. Just reapply it and get started because you know better. Use the past to build a better future.

Speed, many people find it hard to lose the sober time and start back at day 1 but remember you don't lose it. You saved your body and healed for a while now get back on and go right back at it. Many on here went years drinking before getting back on the sober bus. Don't make that mistake, you don't know what could happen to you during that time.

In my view, all addictions serve an emotional purpose. When you understand the psychology of addiction, you can control it.
Reasons for drinking (or any compulsive behavior) are driven by emotional factors, usually feelings of helplessness (about whatever in life makes a person feel overwhelmingly trapped, powerless and lacking control).
All addictions are caused/driven by one underlying emotion: intolerable, overwhelming, helplessness (When one feels helpless, they feel trapped, powerless and out of control). Alcoholics have learned to regain control of their emotions (helpless feelings) with displaced quick fix or mood changer of alcohol. Non alcoholics empower themselves and regain control of their emotions by facing them directly and replacing them with some other high value behavior that empowers them (music, prayer, exercise, journal, serving others, God, etc).
Sobriety requires being mindful, employing self discovery, curiosity, awareness, gratitude, being of service and a personal connection that can produce the fruit of love, joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

Speed, I feel like once we have a good amount of sobriety, that's when we are at our most dangerous because we think we no longer have our addiction. We think we can tolerate alcohol. Just know that many people have the same thought "I can handle alcohol", go back to drinking, and end up learning the hard way that their addiction has not left them. Our addiction is very cunning and will try many tricks to try and get us going back to our drug.

How many times have I asked myself the same question? The good news is that you obviously know better. You can use this recent experience to fortify your sobriety. And you didn't lose 1.8 years you could have been drinking!