"Putting in the work"?
 

I hear this on the forums a lot. What is actually meant by it when it comes to sobriety? Can someone give me an example?

I can only give you what it means to me - it may mean something else to others.

It means building a support networks and using it.
I think that's pretty self explanatory.

It means making the changes in my life that reflect my desire to be sober - that meant, at least in the beginning, I was very cautious about the social invites I accepted.

I also had to find new ways to solve problem and to celebrate that did not involve alcohol.

If I was self medicating for any reason I had to find other non alcohol based solutions and that usually meant professional medical advice and occasionally considering prescribed meds.

I also got a lot out of helping others. It have me purpose and meaning and helped me not take my recovery for granted

Bottom line is I did everything I possibly could to stay sober and still do, even if the effort is not as obvious these days.

D

I can agree with Dee's explanation. For me, I had to want to be sober more than I wanted to drink. I stuck to it and now, after over 10 yrs, the desire to drink is gone and living sober is my normal way of life. And I still want to be sober more than anything. :)

Agree with Dee. For me it was figuring out a program and then sticking to it. And that takes work. I had to work out a recovery program that suited me. This took a few months and the program constantly evolves around the edges though fundamentals remain the same. I then had to stick with my program which again requires work. For me to stop drinking and stay stopped, I had to consciously work hard to maintain my program. Over time, it has become a way of life.

A thing it means to me is that there are no shortcuts, easy fixes, or magic that keeps me sober.

There is no person or thing that can do anything to keep me sober.

My lasting sobriety is a result of the work that I do, not what you do. Your sobriety is because of the work you do, not what I do.
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Add: by the same token there is nothing anyone can do to make me drink. If i pick up that first one it's because I'm an alcoholic. Therefore I don't pick up that first one (and ruin my life). Instead I deal with life, sober. That 'dealing with life' is the work. The payoff is serene sobriety.

for me, initially it meant being engaged with others who were putting in their own work, whatever that meant to them. it meant being willing to be open to hearing things that pissed me off, and considering them to see if they “fit”. it meant being honest about where i was at. it meant being willing to start examining my relationships, past and present, and seeing where i had messed up. and looking at ways about how to take responsibility for that.

later doing the work meant going to AA meetings, getting a sponsor and doing all the suggested actions in those steps.

that kind of stuff, for me.

I can tell you what it means for me, from fresh newly sober eyes. At 43 days - longest streak in years.
It means not "forgetting" to log in here daily and read for at least half an hour. Even when I am feeling strong and don't particularly think I need it.
It means working through my list of basic to-do's that I have neglected for so long being drunk every night. Simple things like wash my face, put on my pyjama's, drink hot chocolate while I read in bed. Right now doing those every night can seem like work while the habits are formed.
It means sticking to the 2 x 15 minute sessions daily cleaning and sorting out my house. Watching the slow and steady progress day by day.
Writing my 3 gratitude's every night. It can feel like work to make myself do them but they are making new habits and thought patterns.

To me right now, in early sobriety it all seems like work. But doing it is making staying sober easy. Yes I said easy - right now, in the moment. I have been able to overcome any of the niggling thoughts of drinking just sticking to my simple list of "jobs". As time passes the work will change and adapt to where I am in the process but for now, right now - I am putting in the work and staying sober.

In my experience it meant doing whatever it took to stay sober, and I had to try many different things until finding out what worked for ME. I had to distance myself from some friends and family that are still drinkers, and as a result my social life looks quite different. I had to engage in healthy activities and give up some not-so healthy ones, even ones that didn't directly involve drinking, i.e. less time on electronics, more time on actual LIFE. I had to get 100% honest with myself and others about ALL aspects of my life, and not default to prior secretive behaviours, lying when feeling like I was backed into a corner, etc.

I've been sober just over a year but I'm still feeling the effects of 25 years of active alcoholism (my entire adult life). I'm not a well-adjusted person. I have lots of ongoing work to do.

hey Notch, are you getting a sense of the various things folks mean when they/we talk of doing the work?
anything useful to you here?

I agree with everyone, but ^^^ hit home. 5.5 years sober, and it still means those things to me: staying connected to sober others, taking time every day for prayer and meditation and gratitude, checking my conscience every evening to see how I've done. Not drinking, on the beam. At first just learning to do -- learning I needed to do -- those things was hard work, and then it was even harder work to understand why it was so hard, if you know what I mean.

PS for me, for a few years, it also meant going to AA meetings, sometimes more than 1 a day, having a sponsor, working the 12 steps, and doing service for my home group. But that was because of the course I took to sobriety. Not everyone does the work of AA.

That statement "Putting the work in" came from Alcoholics Anonymous and doing the step work necessary to help us change.

For me, sobriety means action. Actions are what help us to change and boy, did I need to change!

Many things on my list were already covered above. Another area that I find immensely important to live a sober life that is rewarding and enjoyable is to always work towards a set of goals that are appropriate for a particular stage of my life. I enjoy doing useful and productive things. Even if I don't achieve all of them, simply the intention and doing the work creates meaning and the results a life worth living and maintaining - a powerful antidote to my past alcoholic life and occasional temptations. I enjoy identifying problematic areas that get in the way of achieving my goals and my mental peace, and looking for ways to improve and solve the issues. I also find it important to periodically re-evaluate my values, whether the things I do truly give me meaningful experiences, and whether they contribute to some larger good than my mere daily satisfaction. It also means staying connected to the world in many ways vs. self-absorbed, isolated and often delusional world of active addiction. I most often find that when I feel internally restless and conflicted again in sobriety, it is related to not really being aligned with my true sense of self and values and taking shortcuts, submitting to procrastination and easy instant gratifications again... In simple terms: open-ended, ongoing re-evaluation and improvement. Some people use AA or some other structured program for the same thing. Looking for guidance, joining something structured and tried can be very good I think sometimes, especially if we feel lost or stuck at a given time.

Yes, it does. Thank you!

This was good for me too as I was wondering the same thing and what "Putting in the work" looked like for others. Thanks Notch for posting.

Notch, I take it to mean working the 12 Steps, going to meetings, and doing anything else you think will aid in your recovery. Here is what really helped me. The 2 things that enabled me to drop my addiction: 1. turning my life over to my Higher Power 2. Becoming more loving and helpful towards people.

Everyday I reaffirm that I am giving my life over to God, that I want him to come into my life, that I want to have a relationship with Him.

Becoming more loving started by posting positive messages on post it notes and leaving them in bathrooms and other public places. And then everyday I think of what I can to help someone that day or make their life easier. It has produced amazing results for me.

At a fundamental level, for many people, including myself, "putting in the work" meant/means doing some things I DIDN'T want to do (like having difficult conversations, seeking help from a psychiatrist, being physically active when I didn't necessarily want to, getting other medical issues resolved) and also NOT doing some things I wanted to do - and I don't mean simply not drinking - like NOT associating with certain people, NOT going certain places, letting go of things that made me angry, etc.

Great question, awesome answers.

For me it's an acknowledgment both that sobriety doesn't come free - that is hard sometimes, that you have to readjust a lot of your life, you have to give up running from things that you avoided for so many years - it takes work to change habits and practices that for many, for me, were decades in the making. On the other hand, and even more important to me, by acknowledging that if you put in the work you can get sober, it removes the magical, bullsh-t lie that sobriety is something we can't have, that because we were born with this tendency to abuse alcohol we have to give in to it. In some ways it removes the "disease" metaphor of alcoholism - and for me that was helpful intellectually and psychically - I can do the work to overcome this life threatening, soul-crushing problem. And I can get to the other side.

For me, it meant taking a good look at my way of looking at things and changing them. While I was using my thinking had become really skewed. I first had to tolerate undergoing the healing process as my mind psychically healed. After that, I had to learn to stop using maladaptive behaviors and replace them with adaptive coping skills. It was a long painful process and required lots of work. I relied mainly on the wisdom of this board to guide me. Even over 7 years out I still have to check myself less I backslide.