200 Days today…
200 Days today…
On the 12th of December last year, I set myself a goal; if I could just pass my previous sober record of 63 days, I would have been happy. But it just sort of snowballed – thank God – and today I have 200 days of sobriety under my belt. One day just ran into the next and they piled up: First 1 week, then 30 days, 50 days, 10 weeks, then a 100 days, then 4 months, 20 weeks, 6 months… And now 200 days.
I have much less anxiety (even taking into account my personal situation – which many of you know), I’m more at peace with myself than I have been in years; calmer, but far from complacent. I know it just takes a minute and one drink to take me right back to the beginning of the zombie-like hell I was in just a few months ago. Just one drink, and strangely enough, that was what I was offered yesterday, for the first time since I kicked the booze. My stepbrother asked me when I visited his house (we live on the same stand; different houses), if I was still not drinking or if he could offer me one? This while he sipped from a Brandy and Coke. It was easy to say, “no thanks, tomorrow I’ll be sober for 200 days”; much, much easier than it would have been a few months ago.
Which brings me back (again) to a point I’ve made on SR many times before. IT GETS EASIER EVERY DAY. It really does. The AV gets easier to shrug off and you smile a lot more – even if sometimes it is only to yourself. You’re happier, healthier - I could go on and on - and after each and every day, drinking becomes/seems like less of an option.
A line from an old Jim Croce song comes to mind; “If I could save time in a bottle”... I so much wish I could have, these days; instead, “I drowned time in a bottle”, and a large part of my life with it. The silver lining, thankfully, is that in three or four years from now, people won’t stand next to my grave and say “He killed time in a bottle”.
Early days still, but each of them is a (sober) gift.
I have much less anxiety (even taking into account my personal situation – which many of you know), I’m more at peace with myself than I have been in years; calmer, but far from complacent. I know it just takes a minute and one drink to take me right back to the beginning of the zombie-like hell I was in just a few months ago. Just one drink, and strangely enough, that was what I was offered yesterday, for the first time since I kicked the booze. My stepbrother asked me when I visited his house (we live on the same stand; different houses), if I was still not drinking or if he could offer me one? This while he sipped from a Brandy and Coke. It was easy to say, “no thanks, tomorrow I’ll be sober for 200 days”; much, much easier than it would have been a few months ago.
Which brings me back (again) to a point I’ve made on SR many times before. IT GETS EASIER EVERY DAY. It really does. The AV gets easier to shrug off and you smile a lot more – even if sometimes it is only to yourself. You’re happier, healthier - I could go on and on - and after each and every day, drinking becomes/seems like less of an option.
A line from an old Jim Croce song comes to mind; “If I could save time in a bottle”... I so much wish I could have, these days; instead, “I drowned time in a bottle”, and a large part of my life with it. The silver lining, thankfully, is that in three or four years from now, people won’t stand next to my grave and say “He killed time in a bottle”.
Early days still, but each of them is a (sober) gift.
Sober since October 24, 1997
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Otero County, New Mexico
Posts: 104
Congratulations! Two hundred days is quite an accomplishment! Your story sounds a bit like mine -
At first I had one day sober,
then I had two.
A week went by, and then I didn't count the days anymore.
After awhile I realized I had 100 days, then 6 months went by.
Some time back it came to my attention I had 17 years.
I'm at over 22 years now. Keep it up, it did get easier, and good luck!
Lautca
At first I had one day sober,
then I had two.
A week went by, and then I didn't count the days anymore.
After awhile I realized I had 100 days, then 6 months went by.
Some time back it came to my attention I had 17 years.
I'm at over 22 years now. Keep it up, it did get easier, and good luck!
Lautca
Hey Rock!
I'm so pleased for you and thankful for your message. I'm at 150 days now (!) and am very much looking forward to the part where it gets easier every day at 200 days. I was going to say it's been the same for me - the getting easier part - but i'm not sure if that's true. I think what's true is that I get stronger every day and that's good enough for me right now.
In any event, you've really pulled of a miracle getting and staying sober in that environment. I hope you share my certitude that if you can make it there, you can make it anywhere.
xo
O
I'm so pleased for you and thankful for your message. I'm at 150 days now (!) and am very much looking forward to the part where it gets easier every day at 200 days. I was going to say it's been the same for me - the getting easier part - but i'm not sure if that's true. I think what's true is that I get stronger every day and that's good enough for me right now.
In any event, you've really pulled of a miracle getting and staying sober in that environment. I hope you share my certitude that if you can make it there, you can make it anywhere.
xo
O
Hey Rock!
I'm so pleased for you and thankful for your message. I'm at 150 days now (!) and am very much looking forward to the part where it gets easier every day at 200 days. I was going to say it's been the same for me - the getting easier part - but i'm not sure if that's true. I think what's true is that I get stronger every day and that's good enough for me right now.
In any event, you've really pulled of a miracle getting and staying sober in that environment. I hope you share my certitude that if you can make it there, you can make it anywhere.
xo
O
I'm so pleased for you and thankful for your message. I'm at 150 days now (!) and am very much looking forward to the part where it gets easier every day at 200 days. I was going to say it's been the same for me - the getting easier part - but i'm not sure if that's true. I think what's true is that I get stronger every day and that's good enough for me right now.
In any event, you've really pulled of a miracle getting and staying sober in that environment. I hope you share my certitude that if you can make it there, you can make it anywhere.
xo
O
150 Days is great, O, with 200 just around the corner. Time really flies when one doesn’t meander through each day on an alcoholic haze; to me it does, at least.
It’s just after four in the afternoon South African time and everything is back to normal here. The old man is in bed after having a screaming, swearing, hate-filled fit around two; stepmom had a drunk-crying episode at around the same time and has been stumbling around the kitchen ever since, mumbling and gulping from a beer-glass of frequent topped-up brandy and coke. They start around noon on weekends. But oh well: That's “Par for the course” here…
Hope you’ll have a great week, O.
Congratulations on your two hundred days-double triple digits, as it were. You really are building a great recovery in an incredibly hostile housescape RB. Looking forward to reading your books 📚 soon.
You are a real success story. Ever thought of blogging or writing autobiographical material? Lots of people know so little about SA and life there. I’m glad you are sharing through fiction, but I bet your own story is pretty interesting as well. . . Just a thought 💭
You are a real success story. Ever thought of blogging or writing autobiographical material? Lots of people know so little about SA and life there. I’m glad you are sharing through fiction, but I bet your own story is pretty interesting as well. . . Just a thought 💭
Congrats on your 200 day milestone! You’re right about the threat of relapse with just one drink. It’s surprisingly easy how you can just slip back into the lifestyle you had thought you’d left behind. The good thing, I’m hoping anyway, is the longer we’re sober the more that becomes your new lifestyle. Your new normal. Just takes time!
What a strong testimonial- to you, your determination and the benefits of sobriety! You don't even sound like the same person from just a few months ago. Keep on! Do you notice any difference in your writing?
(I continue to feel sad about the others in the home who are so very drunk and ill.)
(I continue to feel sad about the others in the home who are so very drunk and ill.)
Thanks, everyone. I hope you’re all well. Just a few replies:
Hi, Hawk, (and Kaneda). The writing is going well, and so far I still plan to publish at the end of July. I’ll make sure to post a link to the book when it’s available – if Dee and Anna will allow me to, of course. The autobiography? Sure I plan one, Hawk, but in a few years from now, when I’m in a position financially to sit down and write something nobody might want to read. Autobiographies really don’t sell unless you’re famous, like Branson or Jobs, or Obama(s) or Clinton(s).
JK… I was drunk for years, friend, and writing and drinking do not go well together, no matter what Hemingway used to say - “Write when you’re drunk, edit when you’re sober”. I wrote a lot, sure; but most of it was just no good. Brain-fog is a ruinous ingredient when it comes to penning ones imagination… as is despondency and hopelessness. These days, I believe my writing is much, much better, and like the rest of me - mental and physical – it gets better and easier each day.
As for my dad and stepmom, JK, I’ve learned not to interfere by now; It makes my own situation just more unbearable. So I leave them to their own horrible, sad, drunken lifestyle. Out of sight, out of mind…
Thanks again, everyone for your replies.
Hi, Hawk, (and Kaneda). The writing is going well, and so far I still plan to publish at the end of July. I’ll make sure to post a link to the book when it’s available – if Dee and Anna will allow me to, of course. The autobiography? Sure I plan one, Hawk, but in a few years from now, when I’m in a position financially to sit down and write something nobody might want to read. Autobiographies really don’t sell unless you’re famous, like Branson or Jobs, or Obama(s) or Clinton(s).
JK… I was drunk for years, friend, and writing and drinking do not go well together, no matter what Hemingway used to say - “Write when you’re drunk, edit when you’re sober”. I wrote a lot, sure; but most of it was just no good. Brain-fog is a ruinous ingredient when it comes to penning ones imagination… as is despondency and hopelessness. These days, I believe my writing is much, much better, and like the rest of me - mental and physical – it gets better and easier each day.
As for my dad and stepmom, JK, I’ve learned not to interfere by now; It makes my own situation just more unbearable. So I leave them to their own horrible, sad, drunken lifestyle. Out of sight, out of mind…
Thanks again, everyone for your replies.
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