Ituvia

Seems like there are some overlapping traits. Is there some defining characteristics that differentiate the two? An alcoholic who is not in recovery is the person in question.

nez

Most problems have overlapping traits with other problems because they don't like to travel solo. There is strength in numbers. :~)

doggonecarl

There is a saying, you can sober up a drunken horse thief, but he's still a horse thief. Sobriety isn't a solution to narcissism.

Obladi

Dry drunk is a meaningless term. Anyone can be a miserable self-centered s.o.b. - even if they've never touched a drop in their life.

Working the steps is one way to address that, but a true narcissist would never see reason to do so.

biminiblue

Dry drunk is just a pejorative term that frankly I find offensive.

Most people are a bit narcissistic. Most people can also be jerks sometimes. It's not as simple as you want it to be.

Aellyce

Of course, most active addicts become master manipulator to get away with using/drinking but remain very insecure and miserable. A don't like the term "dry drunk" either, makes no sense as someone who does not drink is not a drunk. If they still suffer, there are other problems to address that are more than the drinking problem. I never like the suggestions that, for recovering addicts, every issue is still because of the addiction or related to it, it can also generate denial of the other problems, keep people from addressing them, and even engage in other unhealthy behaviors to substitute whatever drinking was masking.

TiredCarpenter

Pejorative........cool word.

Anna

I don't like the term 'dry drunk' either.

I don't think people can be pigeon-holed very easily. Have you looked into AlAnon in your city as a support for you?

Grymt

I have found it useful to call myself a dry drunk. It is, to me, those times after having dragged myself out of the gutter and I'm no longer drinking but as far as making progress towards sober serenity I'm just treading water, effectively waiting for the next bender. I think it can be important to be able to recognise that as a real stage and how to get out of it. If it's an uncomfortable word, call it whatever. The 'whoopsie' stage?

Ituvia

I am sorry if I offended anyone.

I ask this because my husband exhibits some symptoms of a 'person who is not working a program' but also covert Narcissistic traits. Since there are some overlapping traits I wanted to find the answer.
He readily admits that he has some issue that needs addressing but never went to therapy all these years. No program worked. So far.
As far as I know Narcissists don't get help but I don't know about a person who's stopped working a program but hasn't worked th steps.

nez

Some alcoholics are narcissists, but not all alcoholics are narcissistic.
Some narcissists are alcoholic, but not all narcissists are alcoholics.
Some people that are neither an alcoholic nor a narcissist share personality traits with alcoholics.
Strictly my opinion, but alcoholics cover a wide spectrum of personality types with varying degrees and levels of alcoholism.
Some alcoholics are obvious. Some are not.
Alcoholics have occupied the White House, Skid Row, and everywhere in-between.
We are everywhere and probably everyone knows at least one.
It is impossible to pigeonhole or stereotype alcoholics, but people do; even some alcoholics do it when feeding their personal denial.

SnazzyDresser

One of my all-time favorites! I like narcissist too.

ciowa

Some people aren't going to change much even if they become sober. For me, recovery means to go beyond simple abstinence and begin looking at other things in my life that help me be a better person. Not everyone is going to do that. Id also think about what my expectations are for someone who has stopped drinking and if those expectations are reasonable. For example, did I want some jerk to quit drinking in the hopes they will become a saint and do great things in the world? if so, is that a reasonable expectation to put on someone?

freshstart57

You can sober up a drunk idiot, but he's still an idiot. But he can stop acting the idiot. If your alcoholic narcissist stops drinking, then maybe he can get counselling for the narcissism. Conflating all this stuff isn't necessary and it isn't helpful.

zjw

my 2 cents i'm probably considered a dry drunk by someone. I can be a real miserable SOB when i get in my moods about how horrible my life is etc... what usually rescues me is when i think sure it might be a miserable life at times or seem taht way but it has been way way worse like when i was an active drinker. Or it could be way way worse if i compare my pile of prohlems to others. I also have Tons to be thankful for too for me its a matter of what I choose to focus on. But when i'm in those funks yep its really hard to focus on the good at times and like i said i prolly can seem like a "dry drunk"

I know another guy i have no idea if he was an alcoholic or not but when i first met him he was a real miserable SOB. the next time i saw him he was fine. why? well he was waiting hip surgery the first time i met him and was in a ton of pain. The next time i saw him he had it and was feeling much better.

sometimes theres decent reasons people are miserable.

D122y

Working a program hard in the beginning and expecting something unreasonable might drive someone to get a little weird or worse. We all heal at different rates. Some folks, like me, have other issues.

I'd rather be a dry drunk/narcissist/miserable sob.....than drunk.

For the rest of my life, any intentional drinking to get drunk is a relapse. Everything else is me being me.

It takes years to normalize.

I am still learning how to act sober. I am discovering more about myself as my sober days click off. I don't like some of what I see.

My latest method is have fun, keep my big mouth shut, and have some more fun.

Every minute I spend pissed off is one more minute I lost forever.

When my wife is being a pain, i get away from her. We have been together 20 years and she still drives me insane all the time.

Thanks.