Notch8

I weathered the holiday weekend quite well. Kept busy, watched an old movie and worked on some hobby projects. Today, however, something ain't right. I think I'm coming up on ten weeks sober. Longest I've gone in a few years (longest ever was three months). All day I've been fantasizing about having a beer after work or a glass of bourbon or some vodka in seltzer. The whole "I can handle it now" and "I'm a different, more mature person" voice keeps popping in my head. Haven't had anything quite like this in a while. This one is pretty intense. I keep reminding myself of the money I've saved in those ten weeks, of the creativity, the restful sleep, etc. I'm not sure if the bipolar is getting in the way here, the ten weeks of sobriety, or maybe both. Really need some pointers on getting through the next few hours. Thanks!

GeoGo

I'm in the same boat at about 50 days. I've made it a few times to a little over a month in the past, and then the sense of accomplishment that you get early on during abstinence seems to fade, along with the memories of how much it sucked to be drinking. I guess this is where "recovery" distinguishes itself from "not drinking". Still working on the former.

nez

Any handling and maturing I have done in my life, have only occurred while I was sober. At least that has been my experience. Who knows, y'all two might be different. :~)

On a side note, I have also firmly implanted in my cranium the thought that I haven't come this far, to only come this far. I am not willing to settle or regress.

Dropsie

Notch,

But you are not going to fail, not today, not ever. Or at least you do not have to.

And for me it all comes down to this, abstinence is NOT control. Not for me, not for you. Do not let your AV fool you, because YOU know Notch, you know.

For me, I took a decision and then accepted to my soul that I would never drink again and if I did, I knew it was back to the hamster wheel. No, I don't do that, don't kick my dog, don't drink. And then I never quit the decision. Simple, but not always easy, I know, we all know, but so much easier.

And for me once the decison had been taken, I did get to retake it, I had already decided. Would I like a drink... maybe, but it does not matter because I do not drink period.

End of story. And you my friend, do not either.

Notch8

Thanks for the replies. I was doing so well until today. Even with the long weekend I really didn't have a problem. Not sure why today chose to be difficult.....

Hevyn

Notch - Every time we make it over a hurdle like this we grow stronger. I don't know anyone who sailed through it without challenges - I white knuckled a lot in the early weeks. Such a huge adustment we're making. I'm glad you wanted to be open about it. You'll feel so good when tomorrow comes & you didn't cave.

TiredCarpenter

Notch: Good job reaching out.

Your actions today are an excellent example to me (us) of someone using his tools. Even if you don’t really want to.

I hope you get through it o.k.

Sincerely, I’ve learned from you today. I doubt that I’d be big enough of character to reach out the way you did today. (I hope I will in the future).
Having the humility to reach out for help has been my biggest struggle over the years.

Best to you!

If I get too far down the rabbit hole and think I might drink I find that listing all of the horrible results can scare me back to my tools.

Sometimes my gratitude list will pull me through.

Do you really want intestinal “runs” for five days, sore guts, headache, shakes, vomiting, night sweats, fear, horror, regret......

‘’Stick with us. Thanks for posting!

Fallow

10 weeks sober is awesome! I totally agree with TC, reaching out shows a lot of sober muscle.

Who knows why these thoughts pop up when they do? Happens to me often. It's just a question of action once it is clear that those ideas want to stick around for awhile.

One thing I am trying to do is hang on to the sober time I have, even if I feel like I can only get through one more day.

Hope those thoughts have drifted away by now.

EndGameNYC

Not everything has to make sense; this is perhaps especially so when you're trying to get sober.

Dee74

There are some good ideas for dealing with cravings here:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-cravings.html (CarolD's tips for cravings)

The bottom line is you know thats not true, so why even entertain the thought?

and ' the different, more mature person' you're becoming should surely be capable of making better, more adult decisions geared to survival and not self indulgence and destruction.

I got to the point where failure could not be an option.

Its a hard, yet good place to be.

D

ringoffire

I hear yah... im at 5 and a half weeks, and the same thing is sort of happening. I have INTENSE cravings for sweets (peanut butter and honey on bananas) and the "maybe I can have one scotch on the rocks" has popped into my head. You are not in this alone! keep fighting the good fight.

Hevyn

I hope you're doing ok, Notch. Thinking of you.

TiredCarpenter

How are you Notch8?

Notch8

Still here.... and sober. hammerin' the lime seltzers on this warm evening. Had another day of "just one never killed anybody" type thoughts. I was even at the store again and was in the same aisle as the beer and still picked up a case of seltzers. Two hours later and I'm glad I stuck with seltzer.

Our state stores will be opening backup after being closed since March. That will be a challenge all over again. I'm going through my own personal hell and torment and no one around has any clue what is going through my head.

Tomorrow when I wake up, it will be ten weeks officially, I think.

Hevyn

Ten weeks is wonderful, Notch.

Dee74

What are you doing for your recovery besides SR notch?

D

Notch8

As of now, a ton of journaling. It helps to get things on paper. I have the blessing/curse of being hypergraphic, which is a fancy way of saying that I have the compulsion to write. I have mostly nerd hobbies, so I'm always making sketches or shopping lists for those.

Kdon853

It’s not easy in the beginning. As I said many times I wanted to drink everyday for the first 5 or 6 months constant battle. One day I woke up and didn’t want to drink. Many AA meetings kept myself busy. People say play the tape my mind could change that “tape” into just remember the good times. I used to think maybe today would be different 1 or 2 drinks and that’s it. I could guarantee you that I would be pounding 2 days later. The more craves you get through the stronger you become. You’ll make it

Dropsie

I have been thinking of you and happy to hear you are weathering the storm.

The thing that helps me is that I have really accepted that if I drink I will (i) just have to stop again and it will be worse or (ii) not stop and live the terrible drunk life. Or I can stay stopped, which is so much better and easier.

It was the same when I quit smoking, once I really accepted that life as a smoker was not possible, then smoking again just meant stopping again, and that was awful.

Hang in there, you are through the worst, it is now getting used to the tee-totaler life.

TiredCarpenter

Notch8:
You gonna come around again?