Dunitall

Time to hold my hand up and hold my head in shame. YESTERDAY I DRANK!!

I had no reason to drink at all but I did and I feel awful about it.

I was having a good day at work. Met a client and did some Christmas Shopping. Even met by brother (in a bar), where I had mineral water. Called my g/f to let her know what train I was catching and got on the train. As the train was full, I stood in the buffet car and instead of buying water, I bought two Gin and Tonics. What an idiot!! After more than two months sober. I couldn't believe how I felt after just two drinks and certainly couldn't pretend to be sober. I so don't want to have that horrible feeling of being out of control again.

It's so true that if you don't keep close to your HP, that cunning, baffling, powerful drug which is alcohol will have you. A hurtful and guilt causing episode and a harsh lesson learned.

So today I'm sober. I have been reading others' relapse stories and really know the pain which it brings. Tonight I will go to AA and get myself back into recovery.

I know I can do this, but right now I may need a little extra help from my friends here.

Rich

Music

The help is here but you have to do the work. Be as honest with AA tonight as you are here and the help will be there also.

Dunitall

Thanks Music

Honesty is definitely the key. I have additional amends to make to my g/f and that can only be done with total honesty. It's so scary how much one episode can cause so much harm.

I WILL DO whatever it takes.

Rich

Music

Rich,
That's what I like to hear. Just remember this. The pain of being honest is nothing compared to the pain of carrying around all the lies and deception. Being honest will set you free and like the first paragraph of How It Works says: "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path." Honesty is mentioned more than once in that paragraph which to me, means it's pretty important.

SpiritPath

Rich,
I had a relapse this week, too. It's been such a struggle lately. I fall down, I get back up, I'm asking my HP for help almost every minute. The shame feels overwhelming at times. I'm grateful for a sober morning today. Hang in there.

TorontoGuy28

Rich,

Yup, us alkies can't even explain at times why we took that first drink. It makes no sense.... I've been out for dinner all set to drink water and when the waitress arrives my mouth would say "Do you have Stella on tap ?".. Unreal.. We all know what happens after that. This was before I started to attend meetings, so now am stronger and understand the disease a bit better..

All the best and glad you have a positive attitude about getting back into recovery !

TG28

Dunitall

Music: You are such an inspiration to me.

Spirit: Thanks for sharing. It reminds me again that I not unique. Together, we can all get through this and become the person we desire to be.

For me today, I am trying to re-learn humility through stark honesty....with myself..and others.

Relapse SuX!!

Rich

exlibris

Hi Rich!

All the times I relapsed - and there were many - was when I was feeling good and I let my guard down.

This horrible disease is always waiting for just the right moment to sneak up on you.

I'm glad to hear that your going to a meeting. And I'm glad to hear that you'll be honest with the group. We've all been there. That's why we need each other so much.

Keep Posting!

Richard

Dunitall

TG You are so right. It makes no sense whatsoever. I just know that I don't want to be in a position to jeapordise everything I've achieved. There is so much more to life.

The lesson for me is to recognise that there are trigger situations which I can't avoid. I can however prepare for those by drawing on all the recovery tools which I get in AA and from all of you here.

Very humbly, Rich

Brookie

Good stuff Music. Worth remembering for me. Sorry to hear about your bad day, Rich, but I'm glad you're back so fast. Somehow, I doubt you'll be the last. I'm definitely on my guard these days with the holidays on us.

Dunitall

Richard

Thanks for your post. What a great reminder. I can't afford to let my guard down at all. This WILL make me work harder at my recovery.

Rich

icecream pete

Hi Rich,

Isnt this stuff sneaky! If you are like me when I relapsed I did not even question what I was doing until after the event, it almost "just happened" as if I wasnt there. Good luck at your AA meeting, there will be many people there who have been through exactly the same so I am sure that you will get the support you need.

Thanks for your support in the past, hope I can return the favour.

Pete

ps you should have had one of their sandwiches first.....................then you would not had enough money for booze!!

Dunitall

Pete

You have already. Good to hear from you again.

Rich

Cathy31

Hi Dunitall

Sorry about what happened...but you know what happened and with the help of the people at your meeting, you will get through this and look back on the 'blip' that could've got me back drinking, but instead served as a warning!

So perhaps a blessing in disguise. Either way, it's all in your power going forward.

Good luck - it sounds like you are back on track which is awesome...I know how you feel though the last time I got totally hammered was when I had had the most amazing, special day, I was on such a high...and boy was I on a low the next day/few days!

I went to my first AA meeting today so I know what kind of support you'll get there tonight.

Good luck!

Dunitall

Hi Cathy

Thanks for your support. It means a lot to me.

Without SR, I would probably been having my own personal Pity Party today. Instead I have hope and determination.

So glad that you found your meeting after the disappointment last week. So glad also that you found it a rewarding experience.

Rich

TorontoGuy28

Rich..

Early in sobriety it is crucial to avoid high-risk situations (that's something I've learned)... There were occassions that I would have one drink at a business lunch, and paid attention to what would happen.. My mind changes right away... Being back at the office, I was emailing people to see if anyone would want to hook up for a few after work... Unreal.. Thankfully, after a few bottles of water the insane thoughts would stop and I would come to my senses... I guess the obvious moral of this story is ---- I can't even have one... Took me a while to accept that, but I am there now....


TG28

Dunitall

TG

Words of wisdom as usual. You're right on the money here.

This sordid little escapade has led me to the acceptance of Zero Tolerance. I think I had known this for some time, but the cunningness of the drug tried to convince me that "Just the one" would be OK.

I will act on the lesson learned and endeavour to grow spiritually through adherence to the programme.

Thanks again for your support.

Rich

TorontoGuy28

True.. you learn something from each relapse.

You also need to live in today... Forget about yesterday, and don't worry/think what tomorrow will bring... That takes some time, but it's a must for people with our disease.

mikee

Rich.
Just recently a waitress at a restaurant mistaken my order, and instead of Coke, it was C/R & Coke! I almost told her to leave it. I thought myself, here I go again! Then I overviewed the situation with my HP. Then I realized over a simple "mix up" how it effected my decision making to start drinking again! it get crazy sometimes! I thank God for once again bailing me out! Knowing I would have funked this test without my HP!

Dan

Wow...
This thread is a picture of what lurks inside us alcoholics and addicts.
I am deeply grateful for the opportunity to read it.
Thank you Rich.