Dunitall

Well everyone it's almost 6.30 in the evening here and I am grateful to you all for keeping me sober on what has been a difficult day.

I have apologised to my wonderful g/f and am starting to make amends by going to my AA meeting in a few minutes. I have much to do and the desire in me to stay sober is so strong that I will take all the advice I can get.

My recovery up to yesterday had been going well and my relationship was getting slowly but surely stronger. It's down to me now and one day at a time, I will do everything in my grasp to stay sober.

Thank you all so much.

Rich

Dunitall

Just back home from my AA meeting. It was really difficult for me to admit my failure in front of everyone. But my group were all so supportive.

It must be the alcoholic ego in me being afraid to admit failure. But the experience tonight was so humbling. Brought me to some sense and straight back into the heart of Step 1.

I am powerless over alcohol and my life had become unmanageable. If I wasn't 100% there earlier, I certainly am now. Now my task is humbly to seek the guidance I need to make my life manageable in sobriety.

Thank you all for today. I needed each and everyone of you. I'm off to bed with a slice of humble pie and The Twelve Steps.

TorontoGuy28

Rich.

I am glad you made it out to your meeting. Yes, admitting failure or being powerless over alcohol or anything for that matter is tough.. It takes a big man to do what you did Rich.

Glad we could have been of assistance on the forum... Get yourself a sponsor and start working the steps... I look at some people at my last face to face meeting and they seem to have this "peace of mind" or "serenity".. Man -- I want that, I need that NOW !!! Look for it.

Take care.

TG28

icecream pete

Well done Rich,

I am convinced that really grasping step one and accepting it, is a keystone of recovery ( thats why its step one duh! ) but that sudden realisation that you are powerless over alcohol seems to make it easier to move forward. It certainly has raised my guard as I have begun to "fear" the repercussions of that first drink.

The oddest thing is that admitting that I was powerless over alcohol has made me stronger!

I am glad your meeting went well. Do you have a sponsor?
If not, might be a good move to get one.

Take care.

Pete

DesertEyes

Rich,

Congratulations on having the courage and self-respect to share about your brush with death. Your HP has granted you another chance at living happy, joyous and free. Most of us don't get second chances.

Here's a few suggestions you may wish to consider.

While your recovery is fresh and new, avoid people, places and things that bring about feelings of comfort with alcohol. Around here, the usual "grounded time" is 3 years. That means do _not_ meet your brother at a bar. Meet him somewhere that alcohol is not present. Anywhere else.

If you are going to take the train, take a bottle of water with you from home. That way you don't have to buy _anything_ in the buffet car.

Ask your sponsor to sit down with you and work out a list of all the people, places and things that endanger your sobriety, and work out a plan as to how you can protect yourself in those situations. If possible, avoid them altogether.

You're in my prayers.

Mike :-)

mikee

Rich, in following your post for a while, I found that you have a lot of excellent inspiration/information to offer! Take a deep breath and do yourself right!
God bless
mikee

jkw

Rich,
Your honesty will be your journey to success!!!! Stay true to yourself and keep looking for the truth, and you will find your way to a sober and meaningful life.
I am very optimistic about what you will be able to accomplish.

JKW

Dunitall

Morning all!

I haven't posted for a day or so now. My g/f asked me to move out on Friday, so I've spent the weekend at a local hotel. Delighted to say that I have not lapsed over the weekend and today I am so grateful for my sobriety.

I played rugby yesterday and today I'm physically hurting....big style!! We lost, but I had the chance to speak to my friends about my current situation. Boy was that enlightening. So many of them have similar (ish)experiences.

Today I'm at home and cooking dinner. Not sure exactly what the future holds and I am a bit confused. My sobriety is the basis for my life and I will do whatever it takes to maintain it. Emotionally, I love my g/f to bits and I desperately want to build on our relationship. There's not much I can do, except from staying sober, but I want to pour my heart out to her. If I do, does this make me weaker?? If I don't, does that give the impression that I'm cold and couldn't really care??

I am not all that good at communicating my feelings directly. Given my past behaviour, my g/f tends to pick up on alternative meanings to what I'm trying to say. How frustrating is that?? My fault unquestionably!

I know that I can continue my recovery because that's what I want. Just uncertain about the next steps with my g/f. She deserves the best and having searched my soul very deeply, I believe that I am the best that I can be.

Can anyone help me here?

Thanks.

Rich

Cathy31

Hey Rich
Well done on the weekend of good clean fun!

...Yes, it can be very frustrating when men don't say what they mean!!! :-)

My best advice...(1st off, well done for putting your sobriety FIRST!) of course you should open up to her, and no she will definitely not think that you are weak. If you don't, I suspect she WILL think you are cold! What have you to lose...maybe all that she is looking for is to understand the depth of your feeelings, and engage with exactly where it is you're coming from/going to!

Good luck!!

All the best, Rich - btw, I echo jkw..

"I am very optimistic about what you will be able to accomplish."

Well done Rich
Cathy