Maddoc78

yes....I guess that’s what I should have written—-I hope he DOES get help.

Today is the first time since we met in mid January that he has not reached out via text. At all...part of me wonders if he has just moved on to someone else (he seems so down and bitter and depressed I wouldn’t THINK so but who knows), is he in just such a dark place he doesn’t want any contact...? I also find myself feeling bitter, like good God I tolerated so much crap and he doesn’t even want to be friends? Then again, he isn’t really even in a place to be a friend.

He has to be near or at rock bottom....hope he decides to get help. My heart breaks for his two kids...

fini

Maddoc,he is drinking. he has been drinking this entire time, you said. he may be having dramatic emotions about you, and himself, but his number one priority is the drinking.that is how it is. that is what he has shown you and continues to show you. believe him.

davaidavai

Marriage is an old fashioned institution. I think anyone who embarks down that road has already been handed a wooden nickle. The problem is that frankness is discouraged. Who am I? Who are you? What do you really want? A legal financial pooling of resources for child rearing purposes? A buddy in bed? I sort of read this as like this guy is trying to tell you -- this is me, I'm an out of control randy drunk dude. And on some level, maybe you're like, me likey. But you can't really set the boundary because the levies have been overrun with romantic delusions. The way of this world is that men and women like to swindle each other and themselves until it's too late to back out. That's what they call 'courtship.' And then -- then, years later, ah ha! and out comes the psychoanalysis, and the friends -- you can do better! Oh, you deserve! you deserve...And then the whole thing starts over again.
Of course you realize that the people here believe that alcohol is the devil. Although nothing bad seems to have happened, I feel like that point of view might lend the thing an additional sort of blind inertia quality. The devil can be appealing, but I imagine your man as possibly a construction manager, tall and reddish perhaps, but only human.

EndGameNYC

You're running into a house on fire.

It might help if you could reflect on what it is you want from a partner, from a relationship, rather than guess about what someone else is thinking about you.

There are things much worse than being single.

Obladi

...Hey Maddoc, I wonder if you have ever heard of Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous? I think I had many years ago, perhaps when the "Love" part wasn't in the name.
...I mention it because I did an assessment and definitely qualify. I'm wondering if you might as well?
...Like many 12-step people, I believe everyone could benefit from one of the many programs available. Maybe check it out?
O

Branches

You seem from your post like a kind, compassionate, loving person. Now, let's say you have a good friend who just got out of a bad marriage with an emotionally manipulative narcissist. And then she starts an online relationship with a non-recovered alcoholic. You know, like non-recovered hardcore alcoholics aren't manipulative narcissists. Of all the men in all the online posts, she chooses him and wants to be there for him and encourage him in his sobriety instead of just swiping left and going on to a man without these obvious issues. You see where I'm going. One of the kindest things you can do for yourself after a divorce, and I'm speaking as someone who did not do the best thing and hard won expertise, is to NOT date for about a year and do some healing, some self-reflection on what you do and don't want for yourself. The fact that you were drawn to this dude who had red flags all over, especially after getting away from a narcissist, concerns me. Trust me, you can form a "connection" with a stable person, a nice person, an employed person with a home and a car and a dog. Either way, as said before, no, honey, no. He and guys like him are not what you need in your life if you're free to have a choice. It's nice not to have drama, once you get used to it.

AlwaysGrowing

If you like pain, misery, brain games, and a downright crappy relationship then continue on. If you rather have someone who values you, is healthy and you can enjoy life with,,, then move on. Work on the 'men picker' meter.

From another active post of what life could easily look like in 5-6 years.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ld-better.html (He came off the ventilator — Thought it would be better...)