A blanket statement about Corona and sobriety.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
A blanket statement about Corona and sobriety.
I'm saying this because I rode the revolving door of sobriety for probably upwards of 15-20 out of my 30 years of drinkin. So what I'm saying to you, is also a reminder to me.
Never forget what it took to get you here.
I've been seeing a lot of people relapse lately. I get that this virus is tough. It's hard on everybody....it's not a reason to give up.
You know, I've always looked at my early sobriety as kind of a war. I was always fighting the urge to drink, to numb, to escape. I was always looking for something else to make myself feel better.
The big part of war, unfortunately is the battle. You don't just fight when your enemy's back is to you. You don't just fight them when they're weak. Sometimes this disease, illness, whatever you wanna call it has you surrounded and pinned back on your a$$. Do you just give up? No. You fight to win. You fight like hell . You fight for your freedom and for your right to live without this F'ing monkey on your back.
An yet...I see people almost giving it away, without hesitation. I see a lot of "well now you learned your lesson!" and "awesome job on your 2 weeks, you'll get it next time!"
An while that's a very caring thing to say... I can't tell you how many people don't get a next time. How, the people we lose, the people that DON'T come back, aren't back because that last relapse killed them. I wonder what those numbers are?
People are struggling with the quarantines, the boredom, anxiety, I am too. But to those still revolving with the litany of excuses....have some accountability with your sobriety. Stop making those excuses. You don't know how many more chances you're gonna get. This sucks for everyone. Maya Angelou said "When you know better, you DO better"
Do Better.
Never forget what it took to get you here.
I've been seeing a lot of people relapse lately. I get that this virus is tough. It's hard on everybody....it's not a reason to give up.
You know, I've always looked at my early sobriety as kind of a war. I was always fighting the urge to drink, to numb, to escape. I was always looking for something else to make myself feel better.
The big part of war, unfortunately is the battle. You don't just fight when your enemy's back is to you. You don't just fight them when they're weak. Sometimes this disease, illness, whatever you wanna call it has you surrounded and pinned back on your a$$. Do you just give up? No. You fight to win. You fight like hell . You fight for your freedom and for your right to live without this F'ing monkey on your back.
An yet...I see people almost giving it away, without hesitation. I see a lot of "well now you learned your lesson!" and "awesome job on your 2 weeks, you'll get it next time!"
An while that's a very caring thing to say... I can't tell you how many people don't get a next time. How, the people we lose, the people that DON'T come back, aren't back because that last relapse killed them. I wonder what those numbers are?
People are struggling with the quarantines, the boredom, anxiety, I am too. But to those still revolving with the litany of excuses....have some accountability with your sobriety. Stop making those excuses. You don't know how many more chances you're gonna get. This sucks for everyone. Maya Angelou said "When you know better, you DO better"
Do Better.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
I had a phone appointment with my shrink the other day and told him that despite the virus and the economy, I was still rock-solid sober and pleased about it. 
It's the one thing I have that I value above all else. If I weren't sober, I would have problems much bigger than just being locked in my house.
I am grateful to be sober. It's the best thing I've ever done for myself.
It's the one thing I have that I value above all else. If I weren't sober, I would have problems much bigger than just being locked in my house.I am grateful to be sober.
It's the best thing I've ever done for myself. Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Originally Posted by bulldog777 
i'm saying this because i rode the revolving door of sobriety for probably upwards of 15-20 out of my 30 years of drinkin. So what i'm saying to you, is also a reminder to me.
Never forget what it took to get you here.
I've been seeing a lot of people relapse lately. I get that this virus is tough. It's hard on everybody....it's not a reason to give up.
You know, i've always looked at my early sobriety as kind of a war. I was always fighting the urge to drink, to numb, to escape. I was always looking for something else to make myself feel better.
The big part of war, unfortunately is the battle. You don't just fight when your enemy's back is to you. You don't just fight them when they're weak. Sometimes this disease, illness, whatever you wanna call it has you surrounded and pinned back on your a$$. Do you just give up? No. You fight to win. You fight like hell . You fight for your freedom and for your right to live without this f'ing monkey on your back.
An yet...i see people almost giving it away, without hesitation. I see a lot of "well now you learned your lesson!" and "awesome job on your 2 weeks, you'll get it next time!"
an while that's a very caring thing to say... I can't tell you how many people don't get a next time. How, the people we lose, the people that don't come back, aren't back because that last relapse killed them. I wonder what those numbers are?
People are struggling with the quarantines, the boredom, anxiety, i am too. But to those still revolving with the litany of excuses....have some accountability with your sobriety. Stop making those excuses. You don't know how many more chances you're gonna get. This sucks for everyone. Maya angelou said "when you know better, you do better"
do better.
Never forget what it took to get you here.
I've been seeing a lot of people relapse lately. I get that this virus is tough. It's hard on everybody....it's not a reason to give up.
You know, i've always looked at my early sobriety as kind of a war. I was always fighting the urge to drink, to numb, to escape. I was always looking for something else to make myself feel better.
The big part of war, unfortunately is the battle. You don't just fight when your enemy's back is to you. You don't just fight them when they're weak. Sometimes this disease, illness, whatever you wanna call it has you surrounded and pinned back on your a$$. Do you just give up? No. You fight to win. You fight like hell . You fight for your freedom and for your right to live without this f'ing monkey on your back.
An yet...i see people almost giving it away, without hesitation. I see a lot of "well now you learned your lesson!" and "awesome job on your 2 weeks, you'll get it next time!"
an while that's a very caring thing to say... I can't tell you how many people don't get a next time. How, the people we lose, the people that don't come back, aren't back because that last relapse killed them. I wonder what those numbers are?
People are struggling with the quarantines, the boredom, anxiety, i am too. But to those still revolving with the litany of excuses....have some accountability with your sobriety. Stop making those excuses. You don't know how many more chances you're gonna get. This sucks for everyone. Maya angelou said "when you know better, you do better"
do better.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Moments ago, I watched Jason Mraz' Love Is Still the Answer. Smarmy in just the right poppy way, too homogenous in its visuals, but still. A good message.
I got there by way of waking up with The Remedy lyric playing in my head, "You've got the poison, I've got the remedy. " I love that my HP frequently sings to me in the morning. It's funny, odd, cool that I almost always have to look up the lyrics to find the meaning, because all I know is the hook line.
I'd read some of those "Corona made me drink" posts last night and thanked my HP for being ok. Fresh from rehab just a day or so from the lockdown, things could have easily gone either way for me. I might have gone home, looking at the state of the world as a perfect excuse-reason- justification to drink from home while pretending to work from home. The other option, which I'd already been led to and agreed on, was to come to this sober living home just a 1/2 block away from one of those essential liquor stores. Not once has drinking been a serious consideration.
Thank God.
I didn't get here by giving in to my helplessness. I got here by acknowledging my helplessness and, in my desperation, asking for help. This is the opposite of my standard mO of fierce independence and stubborn I Have to Do This on My Own attitude.
I can't. None of us can, I don't think?
You're right to point to gratitude as you so often do, least. Focusing on what I have is so much more loving than obsessing about what I don't have. (I was going to use the word "powerful," but I think it's a pretty close call whether love or obsession wins out.) Bulldog, I understand your frustration. It's hard to witness irrationality in action. But I know that you know as well as I do that loss of control (or the illusion of control) is probably the most powerful fodder for fear. And we all know where that leads...
I don't know much, but I do agree with Jason that love is always the answer.
https://youtu.be/Sc2BK09eKhk
I got there by way of waking up with The Remedy lyric playing in my head, "You've got the poison, I've got the remedy. " I love that my HP frequently sings to me in the morning.
It's funny, odd, cool that I almost always have to look up the lyrics to find the meaning, because all I know is the hook line. I'd read some of those "Corona made me drink" posts last night and thanked my HP for being ok. Fresh from rehab just a day or so from the lockdown, things could have easily gone either way for me. I might have gone home, looking at the state of the world as a perfect excuse-reason- justification to drink from home while pretending to work from home. The other option, which I'd already been led to and agreed on, was to come to this sober living home just a 1/2 block away from one of those essential liquor stores. Not once has drinking been a serious consideration.
Thank God.
I didn't get here by giving in to my helplessness. I got here by acknowledging my helplessness and, in my desperation, asking for help. This is the opposite of my standard mO of fierce independence and stubborn I Have to Do This on My Own attitude.
I can't. None of us can, I don't think?
You're right to point to gratitude as you so often do, least. Focusing on what I have is so much more loving than obsessing about what I don't have. (I was going to use the word "powerful," but I think it's a pretty close call whether love or obsession wins out.) Bulldog, I understand your frustration. It's hard to witness irrationality in action. But I know that you know as well as I do that loss of control (or the illusion of control) is probably the most powerful fodder for fear. And we all know where that leads...
I don't know much, but I do agree with Jason that love is always the answer.
https://youtu.be/Sc2BK09eKhk
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
Very well put, BD.
I don’t tell chronic relapsers they’re doing great when they slip, you’re a winner, so I know you’ll get it right next time, etc.
I ask them about their plans of recovery, what they plan on changing to stay sober this time, etc.
Sobriety is life and death.
I don’t tell chronic relapsers they’re doing great when they slip, you’re a winner, so I know you’ll get it right next time, etc.
I ask them about their plans of recovery, what they plan on changing to stay sober this time, etc.
Sobriety is life and death.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
Originally Posted by SoberCAH
Sobriety is life and death.
I apologize ahead for the frustration and sarcasm this is gonna be filled with.
I just keep seeing people I care about go out and a lot of them have already disappeared again. Not just here...in my old IOP class. Out of close to 30 people that were there when I got out of the hospital- me, and a woman who stroked in the ICU are the only ones left.
People I had made friends with this year when I was bouncing around AA...gone.....this pandemic made sure of that. Not to the virus...to their own demons.
It frustrates the pi$$ out of me when I see the cavalier attitude that some display when they're sure they got this s#it figured out 27 relapses into this year and 4 minutes out of the hospital. What was I thinking? Of course they got it all figured out. I did too. Until the next thing I decided was gonna ruin everything.
An then I was really gonna get serious next time. please.
People are gonna run out of time.
I'm tired of losing people this year and it's only fu$% ing April.
Sorry for the rant. I haven't slept in about 40 hours, I'm angry, I have to sell 3 homes before July and renovate the one I'm in now while taking care of my elderly father who hasn't given a s#it about anything since my mom died.
feeling a bit overwhelmed atm.
thanks for listening.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Hey. I'm sorry you're overwhelmed right now. All of that does sound incredibly stressful - because it is! Can you let go for awhile and get some sleep?
I was going to tentatively offer some advice, but that's silly. You're the guy with the wisdom in this "relationship." You just need to give yourself a break to rest your body, mind, and soul.
xo
O
I was going to tentatively offer some advice, but that's silly. You're the guy with the wisdom in this "relationship." You just need to give yourself a break to rest your body, mind, and soul.
xo
O
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Hmmmm. I agreed with the OP's statement that people need to "have some accountability with your sobriety. Stop making those excuses." This whole "COVID made me do it" thing is just an excuse. And I would never tell an addict that his or her excuse is valid. That wouldn't be fair to them. Just because a person believes their excuse to be true (a reason), doesn't make it so. To me, addiction makes an addict do his drug of choice. And this I will always proclaim.
And, I agree, no help is done by blowing smoke and false positivity. In fact, harm can be done, right? If it's smoke and lies, that is.
That said, when a poster does keep climbing back on a horse named Recovery they feel bucked off from (although they actually hopped off, even though they feel bucked off), I must applaud them, because they ARE trying to get back up. They are here, writing, and reading, and trying to grasp the reigns. We might realize the sad truth and shake our heads because we see that they are actually on the wrong end of the ring away from the actual horse, but they don't know that and they are in the ring trying. And that is to be commended. God knows when I fell off the wagon last I certainly wasn't here. You all would've been a buzz kill.
When I came back, though, I needed the people who asked me about my plans of recovery, what I planned on changing to stay sober this time, etc. I I needed just as much, more actually, the people who heard my pain and believed in me and boosted me up with cheers and pats on the back and hope. People who truly believed in me because they'd already witnessed the seemingly impossible with themselves through their own recovery, so they could convince me the impossible was, in fact, possible. I attribute much of my 351 days of success to those cheers. I needed those cheers more than the plan talk, although I certainly know others need the plan talk more than the enthusiastic cheers.
So I think all of our comments combined together (some perhaps harsh, some uplifting, some informative) create the perfect mix to helping the largest group of people. I guess I'm trying to say: Everyone's key to sobriety is just a little different.
And, I agree, no help is done by blowing smoke and false positivity. In fact, harm can be done, right? If it's smoke and lies, that is.
That said, when a poster does keep climbing back on a horse named Recovery they feel bucked off from (although they actually hopped off, even though they feel bucked off), I must applaud them, because they ARE trying to get back up. They are here, writing, and reading, and trying to grasp the reigns. We might realize the sad truth and shake our heads because we see that they are actually on the wrong end of the ring away from the actual horse, but they don't know that and they are in the ring trying. And that is to be commended. God knows when I fell off the wagon last I certainly wasn't here. You all would've been a buzz kill.
When I came back, though, I needed the people who asked me about my plans of recovery, what I planned on changing to stay sober this time, etc. I I needed just as much, more actually, the people who heard my pain and believed in me and boosted me up with cheers and pats on the back and hope. People who truly believed in me because they'd already witnessed the seemingly impossible with themselves through their own recovery, so they could convince me the impossible was, in fact, possible. I attribute much of my 351 days of success to those cheers. I needed those cheers more than the plan talk, although I certainly know others need the plan talk more than the enthusiastic cheers.
So I think all of our comments combined together (some perhaps harsh, some uplifting, some informative) create the perfect mix to helping the largest group of people. I guess I'm trying to say: Everyone's key to sobriety is just a little different.
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