Slipped up today
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 24
Slipped up today
I was sober for 3 weeks (longest streak in years), until today. It was my brothers birthday, and I gave in to drink some craft beers he bought with a few friends. I ended up getting kind of drunk and had 1 shot as well, and now my anxiety is spiraling while I’m taking care of our newborn with my wife. My brother knew I was trying to stay sober for a while for the baby, but I don’t think he knew I wanted to stay sober for good. He only knows me as someone he can have beers with, as do I. This is going to be extremely hard for me.. alcohol doesn’t need to revolve around my social interactions but it does. It’s an old friend that I turn to in times of happiness and sadness. All I can do is say, I will stay sober today. Thank you all for your support.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,426
My friends couldn't be my sober police because they had no idea how important it was for me to stay sober.
I had to do the hard 'the buck stops with me' thing and say 'I'm not drinking anymore'.
People either got with that... or they didn't (and drifted away).. but regardless of what anyone else said, did, or thought, I stayed sober.
I'm glad you made it back NB21.
D
I had to do the hard 'the buck stops with me' thing and say 'I'm not drinking anymore'.
People either got with that... or they didn't (and drifted away).. but regardless of what anyone else said, did, or thought, I stayed sober.
I'm glad you made it back NB21.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 24
Originally Posted by Dee74 
My friends couldn't be my sober police because they had no idea how important it was for me to stay sober.
I had to do the hard 'the buck stops with me' thing and say 'I'm not drinking anymore'.
People either got with that... or they didn't (and drifted away).. but regardless of what anyone else said, did, or thought, I stayed sober.
I'm glad you made it back NB21.
D
I had to do the hard 'the buck stops with me' thing and say 'I'm not drinking anymore'.
People either got with that... or they didn't (and drifted away).. but regardless of what anyone else said, did, or thought, I stayed sober.
I'm glad you made it back NB21.
D
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,426
I sadly enjoy drinking with friends
It's true.
Its also true my social circle has changed - but the people in it now know and appreciate the authentic me, a me who doesn't drink..ever
D
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
So glad you came back right away, NB. I really admire when people can do that.
Maybe take a think about what seems like mourning the passing of your drinking self? What or who are you afraid of letting go?
Maybe take a think about what seems like mourning the passing of your drinking self? What or who are you afraid of letting go?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
My brother knew I was trying to stay sober for a while for the baby, but I don’t think he knew I wanted to stay sober for good. He only knows me as someone he can have beers with, as do I.
I was so sad when I got sober about my sister missing out on all the fun drinking times we used to have. I felt like she was so getting cheated.
Does she miss out on these drinking times now that I’m 11 1/2 months sober? Yes. BUT, she much more appreciates knowing I’m productive, mentally healthy, safe, etc. And I can be a much better sister to her, a better aunt to her kids, a better friend to her, a better daughter to my mom, etc. So, the trade-off has been 100% worth it for both of us, which was important to me.
I was so sad when I got sober about my sister missing out on all the fun drinking times we used to have. I felt like she was so getting cheated.
Does she miss out on these drinking times now that I’m 11 1/2 months sober? Yes. BUT, she much more appreciates knowing I’m productive, mentally healthy, safe, etc. And I can be a much better sister to her, a better aunt to her kids, a better friend to her, a better daughter to my mom, etc. So, the trade-off has been 100% worth it for both of us, which was important to me.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Originally Posted by binger81
well done on 3 weeks
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,496
Three weeks is great, but, yes, I think you do have some tough decisions to make. It really isn't easy, but it's worth it. I went to a neighborhood party in early recovery, thinking I could manage alright. I did, but the next morning, I was out bright and early buying wine. I couldn't be around alcohol for most of 10 months. It was just not comfortable for me.
I don't think you should depend on your brother to not offer you beer. Hopefully, next time, if you think alcohol will be involved, you can make a decision to not go. Maybe you can find a different way to connect with your brother?
I'm glad you're back and ready to do this again.
I don't think you should depend on your brother to not offer you beer. Hopefully, next time, if you think alcohol will be involved, you can make a decision to not go. Maybe you can find a different way to connect with your brother?
I'm glad you're back and ready to do this again.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Yes, you can get better and when you have some time under your belt you will be so SO grateful to have made that Decision.
It's not giving up something. It's gaining a life. If you have to look at it as giving up something - look at it as giving up hangovers, anxiety, fear, the possibility of blowing up your family with an accident or other bad decision like a DUI, poor health (if it hasn't happened yet, it will)
You can do this. That first couple months is pretty hard, but once I got past the beginning part, it did get exponentially easier.
Give it a year. Tell people you're quitting for a year. Give yourself a year to really think about it. Just don't drink for one year, and keep coming to this forum. I'm pretty sure that sometime within that year you'll make the better life decision.
That precious baby needs a dad who is present and peaceful.
It's not giving up something. It's gaining a life. If you have to look at it as giving up something - look at it as giving up hangovers, anxiety, fear, the possibility of blowing up your family with an accident or other bad decision like a DUI, poor health (if it hasn't happened yet, it will)
You can do this. That first couple months is pretty hard, but once I got past the beginning part, it did get exponentially easier.
Give it a year. Tell people you're quitting for a year. Give yourself a year to really think about it. Just don't drink for one year, and keep coming to this forum. I'm pretty sure that sometime within that year you'll make the better life decision.
That precious baby needs a dad who is present and peaceful.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
On my first attempt I lasted almost 6 months, nearly half of that in a treatment program of sorts. The last couple of months I did on my own. Things did not get better, they got significantly worse. At the end I was bed ridden and living in absolute squalor according to the nurse that visited me. I had never been so miserable and afraid, I could not function in the world. Alcohol mementarily fixed that.
On the second serious attempt, I managed 3 weeks just like you did. Then I tried a controlled drinking experiment, failed immediately and lost all hope that I would ever beat this thing.
Three weeks is 21 whole days, a very long time from my perspective. I realized that I failed because my effort was half hearted and conditional. I did not see the need to take all the actions suggested and thought I could "get away" with just those things that were not too inconvenient or difficult. I could not.
I remember asking an AA friend how to get those three weeks back and they told me "one day at a time". And that is what I did, except this time I followed all the other suggestions as well. That was over 40 years ago, and I have not needed to take a drink since. Not only that but life got exponentially better in very short order.
On the second serious attempt, I managed 3 weeks just like you did. Then I tried a controlled drinking experiment, failed immediately and lost all hope that I would ever beat this thing.
Three weeks is 21 whole days, a very long time from my perspective. I realized that I failed because my effort was half hearted and conditional. I did not see the need to take all the actions suggested and thought I could "get away" with just those things that were not too inconvenient or difficult. I could not.
I remember asking an AA friend how to get those three weeks back and they told me "one day at a time". And that is what I did, except this time I followed all the other suggestions as well. That was over 40 years ago, and I have not needed to take a drink since. Not only that but life got exponentially better in very short order.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 317
Thank you, Bimini Blue, for the great suggestion to tell people you're taking a year off drinking. It works for me on so many levels. For me I can combine it with "It doesn't work with my weight loss program." By the time a year is up, it will be my new normal.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 464
Originally Posted by Gottalife
On my first attempt I lasted almost 6 months, nearly half of that in a treatment program of sorts. The last couple of months I did on my own. Things did not get better, they got significantly worse. At the end I was bed ridden and living in absolute squalor according to the nurse that visited me. I had never been so miserable and afraid, I could not function in the world. Alcohol mementarily fixed that.
On the second serious attempt, I managed 3 weeks just like you did. Then I tried a controlled drinking experiment, failed immediately and lost all hope that I would ever beat this thing.
Three weeks is 21 whole days, a very long time from my perspective. I realized that I failed because my effort was half hearted and conditional. I did not see the need to take all the actions suggested and thought I could "get away" with just those things that were not too inconvenient or difficult. I could not.
I remember asking an AA friend how to get those three weeks back and they told me "one day at a time". And that is what I did, except this time I followed all the other suggestions as well. That was over 40 years ago, and I have not needed to take a drink since. Not only that but life got exponentially better in very short order.
On the second serious attempt, I managed 3 weeks just like you did. Then I tried a controlled drinking experiment, failed immediately and lost all hope that I would ever beat this thing.
Three weeks is 21 whole days, a very long time from my perspective. I realized that I failed because my effort was half hearted and conditional. I did not see the need to take all the actions suggested and thought I could "get away" with just those things that were not too inconvenient or difficult. I could not.
I remember asking an AA friend how to get those three weeks back and they told me "one day at a time". And that is what I did, except this time I followed all the other suggestions as well. That was over 40 years ago, and I have not needed to take a drink since. Not only that but life got exponentially better in very short order.
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