Missing my possessions
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 21
Missing my possessions
Or maybe I'm just thinking about them. Today I found myself thinking about the things I sold to fuel my alcoholism as a late teen and through my twenties. Things like a stamp collection I remember my grandfather collecting for me or a set of matchbox cars. Or a large Lego collection and all of my childhood awards and trophies from sports. I sold them all and I miss them today very much. I'm also disappointed because I sold them for so little. I'm stuck at home in these challenging times looking around, I guess that's what got me thinking. The most valuable things I have in my life now are the relationships I have with family and close friends. Thanks for reading and listening guys
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 67
Hey this strikes a chord. I would build things up for a while, then eventually the time would come when everything would get sold cheaply.
I had an expensive wallet that had been given as a gift, rather niche and couldn’t be sold easily but one particular day when looking for money I realised it had gold edging so I ripped off the gold to sell at a pawn shop. Good enough for a few days drinking. I thought myself quite ingenious but now it makes me cringe.
The worst is that I sold the most important possession - time - just for booze and coke.
I used to think it was virtuous that I never stole. But I stole from myself.
Now I have no possessions other than flat furniture and clothes. I could afford to replace everything but really I don’t feel inspired to - I’m happy with possessing my time and my sanity.
Although if anyone wants to deliver an Aston Martin to me then pm me for address 😜
I had an expensive wallet that had been given as a gift, rather niche and couldn’t be sold easily but one particular day when looking for money I realised it had gold edging so I ripped off the gold to sell at a pawn shop. Good enough for a few days drinking. I thought myself quite ingenious but now it makes me cringe.
The worst is that I sold the most important possession - time - just for booze and coke.
I used to think it was virtuous that I never stole. But I stole from myself.
Now I have no possessions other than flat furniture and clothes. I could afford to replace everything but really I don’t feel inspired to - I’m happy with possessing my time and my sanity.
Although if anyone wants to deliver an Aston Martin to me then pm me for address 😜
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 374
I never stole to fund my habit, but I do admit to digging onto funds I has set aside for the kid's different times. I also became a pro at writing checks at the grocery store and getting $20 cash back, knowing the check would take two days until it cleared the bank, usually on the day my direct deposit landed.
I'd go through various phases, buying stuff to begin a "new" hobby or interest, only to ebay it six months later. I'm determined not to fall into that trap and start collecting experiences and memories, not "stuff."
I'd go through various phases, buying stuff to begin a "new" hobby or interest, only to ebay it six months later. I'm determined not to fall into that trap and start collecting experiences and memories, not "stuff."
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,068
Originally Posted by FlyAgain 
The worst is that I sold the most important possession - time - just for booze and coke.
I used to think it was virtuous that I never stole. But I stole from myself.
luring sobriety this way with my lucky charm
Join Date: Mar 2020
Location: California
Posts: 738
One of the reasons why I call myself Beckoning Cat is because I collect them, and my little works of art (my South Asian wall tapestry, my cat collection in various sizes and colors from Japan and China, my English tea pot, my fancy red brocade pillow for meditation, my stone Buddha cat, my Victorian-replica heat stove, my vintage clothes) aren't worth a ton of money, but they bring me a lot of stability and beauty and remind me to nurture myself. I have to remind myself that I am worth something, and I deserve to have my own space and beauty in my life. I have definitely sold some of my books to buy bottles of wine, reasoning that books can always be replaced, but that's not the point. The point is say ...I've always wanted to own a historic house...how will I ever buy one if nickle and dime my extra income away on fleeting experiences of drinking?
For me this was just part of my self-respect. Even before my drinking got out of control, I lost possessions. I told myself that being attached to possessions was not spiritual and that relationships and experiences matter more. There's a bit of truth to that - I'll never regret spending $200+ dollars to go see Lana Del Rey at an exclusive small show at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery in 2014 (completely sober, btw!!!) ...on the other hand, there's something to be said for nurturing ourselves, and giving ourselves those basic Maslow needs, like a stable home, or things of beauty that make us feel comfortable and safe. One of my exes was abusive and he threw out an entire box of my childhood mementos: photo albums, high school year books, photos my photographer sister took of my closest grandfather's funeral, and my first stuffed animal that same grandfather gave me. In the trash, I guess? Because I didn't value myself enough.
My story might not be exactly the same as yours, but I wonder if this is a deeper issue with some addicts or alcoholics - thinking we aren't worth more, the stability, the safety, the comfort, the little things.
For me this was just part of my self-respect. Even before my drinking got out of control, I lost possessions. I told myself that being attached to possessions was not spiritual and that relationships and experiences matter more. There's a bit of truth to that - I'll never regret spending $200+ dollars to go see Lana Del Rey at an exclusive small show at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery in 2014 (completely sober, btw!!!) ...on the other hand, there's something to be said for nurturing ourselves, and giving ourselves those basic Maslow needs, like a stable home, or things of beauty that make us feel comfortable and safe. One of my exes was abusive and he threw out an entire box of my childhood mementos: photo albums, high school year books, photos my photographer sister took of my closest grandfather's funeral, and my first stuffed animal that same grandfather gave me. In the trash, I guess? Because I didn't value myself enough.
My story might not be exactly the same as yours, but I wonder if this is a deeper issue with some addicts or alcoholics - thinking we aren't worth more, the stability, the safety, the comfort, the little things.
Life is Grand
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,039
I completely understand your post. By the time I made it into treatment, I had one bag that held everything I owned in the world. I lost-sold-had stolen from me, everything. I have no yearbooks, no photos, no keepsakes, even my class ring and wedding ring(divorced), are gone for good I had nothing. It took some time, but I learned a valuable lesson, one day I realized that they were only possessions and I had made it out with something way more valuable...my life. I had to realize that what I was feeling was guilt and regret about losing them and those two emotions wanted me to drink really bad. I turned my focus on what I did have and I was grateful for it. I live very humbly now. I know that sobriety is WAY more important than what I lost. Don't get me wrong, I still think about it sometimes and wish I had a few of those things...but I can't...and today, that is ok.
Cathy
Cathy
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Loss is loss.
Aknowledging the extent of the loss, no matter that other people may seem to have lost "more" or "less" than we have, is a good first step; something that we can carry with us for the next inevitable challenge.
Grieving is a healthy response and, in my experience, an ongoing process. Sober
Aknowledging the extent of the loss, no matter that other people may seem to have lost "more" or "less" than we have, is a good first step; something that we can carry with us for the next inevitable challenge.
Grieving is a healthy response and, in my experience, an ongoing process. Sober
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
