Notch8

....today would be it. Day 25. Woke up in a dark mood. Tried all the tricks I could think of. Not in the mood to write, go for a walk or the normal activities. To say I woke upon the wrong side of the bed is an understatement.

Now I'm trying to relax, watching some stuff on the Roku. Sippin' on banana smoothies and black coffee, try to get my head right. Could use suggestions for getting myself out of this funk. If there was a day I'd venture out to the grocery store for a sixer, this would be the day.

Awake61

Hi - kinda feeling like that myself today. The thought of vodka straight out of the bottle crossed my mind this morning. The 20 minute (maybe) rush it would give me.
Then I remember the darkness that comes after and the remorse. My drinking progressed into near death experiences. I don't want that anymore and my family doesn't deserve that crap. YOU do NOT drink anymore.

nez

When I have days like that, I mentally re-frame it...if ever there is going to be a day that strengthens my resolve and recovery, it is today... I can do this.

The reward will come tomorrow when I realize that I have way more strength of character than I give myself credit for.

It is only one day, but it is shaping my future. Do I want to strengthen my future or undermine it?

Obladi

Hey notch,

How about writing a gratitude list? Thirty things large or tiny that you are grateful for, right now, today?
Or call someone who loves you?
Or check out a meeting on intherooms?
I've been in a sort of funk today as well... all I know is to force myself to do something to reach out to someone else.
Because isolating when I'm in this kind of mood or space or whatever it is sounds warning bells for me.

Also, have you eaten a real meal lately?
That might help...

O

p.s. How are you doing on that huge list you wrote about Friday? I don't know about you, but I know I can get really down if I don't accomplish what I set out to do. It helps quite lot to downsize the list to something I know for certain I'll do. Backwards? Maybe, but the last thing I need right now is to set expectations that are too high. For me. At this time. If ALL we do is Not Drink at this stage, it's a good day. Seriously.

OpioPhobe

Reaching out on here is a good first step. When I was in a funk it would help to speak / meet with people in recovery. An in-person meeting might be out of the question, but is there someone in recovery you can call?

Maybe you could read some recovery literature? That helped me on days when it was tough to even get out.

You could force yourself to go outside for a walk. If you were going to get a six pack at the store you would have to walk.

Some days are going to be lousy. On tough days, I would remind myself that I just have to keep going until my head hits the pillow at night.

ICETHEKING

If you find it difficult to be you in your own head, you may need to do some remodeling. No rules have ever existed that say you need to do anything a particular way. When you realize that everyone who has made it through this is no smarter than anyone else it makes it a little easier. The only thing it takes is want to. I personally gave myself a steady stream of projects my first year. Anytime I got bored I would dive into one.

Notch8

Thanks for the replies. I am a big fan of comedy and discovered that SNL filmed a special "social distanced" episode that aired last night. Was able to watch that this afternoon. I feel a little better, but still a bit off.

Anna

How about music? Do you have something you love to listen to? Music can usually change my mood when I'm down.

Reid82

You would be in an evener darker mood tomorrow if you drink....remember that.

Notch8

I'm not a big music person. I don't have to have music in my ear all day.

I went for a walk last evening before dark and that helped some. I've found that it helps to "talk it out." So basically, yeah, I talk to myself. I made sure I was in bed at a good time and seemed to have slept pretty good. Today went better, but still not out of the woods.

Thanks for the comments and suggestions.

SoberCAH

Excellent advice, Obladi.

Getting and staying sober requires action and daily commitment on our part.

Changing our outside circumstances, and putting things into our bodies, are okay, but they don't constitute a plan of recovery.

Pursuing these types of things are always my first response, while the ones you enumerated seem to be the last, so don't forget to remind me if you see me doing so.

Stay with us, Notch, we want you to be here clean and sober with us for a long, long time.

Gottalife

I wonder which would bring the best result. Reaching out to someone to try and make their day just a little better, or sitting alone being entertained?

Notch8

My bipolar tends to dictate that. Depends what cycle I'm at.

Gottalife

In my early AA days I knew two members severely afflicted with bi-polar, or manic depression as it was known then. Both worked the AA program fully and recovered from their alcoholism that way. Neither looked to AA t treat their bi-polar. The only AA suggestion they used in that respect was follow your doctor's advice and take your medication.

Neither liked being medicated, but when they tried to cut it out, there was hell to pay. My earlier suggestion is useful to alcoholics. I have tested it and it works. I don't know what, if any, positive effect it might have for other conditions, particularly those involving chemical imbalances.

BeckoningCat

That happened to me last week. I had a lapse after not having a wine binge for four weeks! I told myself I could drink moderately because it had been so long, but if I had been honest with myself, I would have admitted to myself that the reason I wanted to drink was because of bad mood/anxiety/tension and I have pretty much always drank too much if I was drinking as a form of stress management. And so, predictably, I did again. If I had just faced up to the fact that "stress drinking" is what triggers my binges, I maybe would have talked myself out of it.

Luckily for me, it was just a lapse and not a total ********. I realized the very next day how much better I feel when I am not hung over in the morning and how drinking too much wine actually gives me WORSE anxiety the next day - it's no longer tension after a binge, then it's just straight up horrors. Like, gee, I avoided the angry, tense feeling for a few hours...now I feel on the verge of having a panic attack. Is that really a good trade? My tension actually went nowhere. It just morphed into a different sort of monster.

I hope for your sake that you can get through it. A new thing I'm trying are teas. There are these Yogi Teas in different calming blends. I have the Kava one, and one that is non-Kava (I don't want to abuse kava, it's only an herb, but it's a powerful one). I also have some lavender and catnip to try as teas. I have always drank black or green tea, like for caffeine, but suddenly it made sense to have calming teas for tension, a calorie-free or low-calorie non-alcoholic drink I can grab that will help with tension and not make me do or say stupid things, or gain weight, or give me clinical anxiety the next day.

binger81

just think that "this is great without alcohol" You don't need it in your life

I found this worked for me during the times I had quit (say week 3 etc..)
Sadly by week 6 I had decided I was going out again but that's another matter. You can keep going and enjoy the health beneifts of not drinking