Just to let you guys know. Still here.. Still Sober <3
 

But it is an experience getting sober and staying sober after so many years... Close to a decade... Today i was talking to a woman which i got aquatinted with years ago, and we had a falling out due to my alcoholism years back. But she was still there... The funny thing is that, she remembers and knows all the horrible things that we went through, but i don't.... I can remember some hazy memory of ill fighting and turmoil but not that it makes any significance to me... An alcoholics memory?, yeah good luck with that..

And that is where i become afraid... I don't remember... Will this demon inside me be released again because i can't recall what i did or how i was... Or is it just so simple to never take a drink again?!... Please tell me it is so... I went through so much and i don't want to hurt anyone anymore..... Oh please just let me have a chance at life...

I think in a way its good you're worrying about this. It shows you really don't want to relapse :)

I have large gaps too - I still can't remember too much of 1996-98...but I have more than enough other memories for me to stay sober. I'm sure you do too :)

In fact when you think about it the fact we have large gaps in our memory and we can't remember is a pretty good reason on its own never to pick up a drink again?

relapse is NOT mandatory.
Use the support here and do everything in your power now never to take another drink.

D

You know, maybe some of it is best not remembered....
the worst thing you ever did during yet another drunken episode, the hurtful comments to someone who is dear to you, the manipulative self-centered behavior...

We could beat ourselves over the head forever, or change...and become a more mindful and considerate person...yet certainly aware of the past.