I can't post here anymore
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
I can't post here anymore
I couldn't sleep tonight.
I wrote out a long post about my life. About abuse. About my addiction. About being given the gift of fatherhood.
This post was filled with love and gratitude. And then I couldn't hit submit.
I want to thank you all though for everything you have given here. This website has literally given me life.
I have not gotten to perfect yet, but I have gotten to 95 percent better. Still lurking...
I wrote out a long post about my life. About abuse. About my addiction. About being given the gift of fatherhood.
This post was filled with love and gratitude. And then I couldn't hit submit.
I want to thank you all though for everything you have given here. This website has literally given me life.
I have not gotten to perfect yet, but I have gotten to 95 percent better. Still lurking...
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
You're welcome here anytime Fallow 
the thing I loved about SR the first time I found it was the acceptance & understanding - some people were sober, some people were not, but everyone was trying and everyone belonged here - we shared a common goal - to change our lives for the better
Don;t give up Fallow - there's always support here to help you find that 5% - you can do this
D
the thing I loved about SR the first time I found it was the acceptance & understanding - some people were sober, some people were not, but everyone was trying and everyone belonged here - we shared a common goal - to change our lives for the better
Don;t give up Fallow - there's always support here to help you find that 5% - you can do this
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Fallow, I once read that journallling is a positive tool for writing out thoughts and feelings, and aids in letting negative ones go, and building-up positive ones. Although I never did start a journal. I’ve developed a habit, where I draft out a long post about me for SR, then decide not to send it, because the very act of writing things down, helped me; if that makes sense.
I still read far more than I post, perhaps you can too? The “gift of fatherhood”: you wrote such lovely words, Fallow.
I still read far more than I post, perhaps you can too? The “gift of fatherhood”: you wrote such lovely words, Fallow.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Hi Fallow, I'm not sure what it is about hitting that "post" button, but for me it can be tremendously therapeutic. It's weird because I never could maintain a paper journal - I always ripped it up in fairly short order. But there's something about being able to post to a group of folks here that helps me to be more sincere than I feel when writing just for myself. Not sure if that makes sense.
Anyhow, I just wanted to encourage you to hit "post" when ready. I think you may find that it frees you, if only just a little bit.
In the meantime, be well and keep going.
O
Anyhow, I just wanted to encourage you to hit "post" when ready. I think you may find that it frees you, if only just a little bit.
In the meantime, be well and keep going.
O
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Fallow, if you ever decide to write a long post again I recommend writing it in MS Word and then copy paste to the forum. I have done the same thing and what happens is you get logged out and then you can't submit. Just an fyi.
Hang in there.
Hang in there.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
Thanks for the welcome back Dee.
It definitely was therapeutic to write out all that stuff. Even though it landed in the ether.
As far as the drinking goes... It's slowed to a crawl. I usually allow myself 1-2 drinks during the week which tends to be wednesday. Then I allow about 3 max on friday and saturday nights.
That is my 5 percent.
It is like I am tethered to SR though. Mostly I lurk and read in Friends and Family. I find it helps me to remember the dangers of addiction and the potential damages.
It definitely was therapeutic to write out all that stuff. Even though it landed in the ether.
As far as the drinking goes... It's slowed to a crawl. I usually allow myself 1-2 drinks during the week which tends to be wednesday. Then I allow about 3 max on friday and saturday nights.
That is my 5 percent.
It is like I am tethered to SR though. Mostly I lurk and read in Friends and Family. I find it helps me to remember the dangers of addiction and the potential damages.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: fort worth tx
Posts: 1,373
Glad your here
Just don't drink. Read everything you can about addiction and alcoholism. Post when you want. That's the beauty of SR. You can make friends here and get help. You are not in this alone. None of us are.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
Hard for me to believe I have been here this long and cannot figure out font sizing. SMH.
I had a shot of bourbon last night. Chased with some lemonade. I thought about drinking another but got too lazy.
I started drinking a bit more with the quarantine. Nothing major but more than normal. I was thinking today how I can't remember the last time I was feeling drunk. Or had a hangover.
But I am done. Its time to keep the booze on the shelf.
No alcohol today and I am in bed. Cheers.
I had a shot of bourbon last night. Chased with some lemonade. I thought about drinking another but got too lazy.
I started drinking a bit more with the quarantine. Nothing major but more than normal. I was thinking today how I can't remember the last time I was feeling drunk. Or had a hangover.
But I am done. Its time to keep the booze on the shelf.
No alcohol today and I am in bed. Cheers.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
Thank you Carl, I hope so too.
You have always been a straight talker and I appreciate that.
I spent some time thinking today about what it's going to take for me to lay down booze for good. I have attempted this so many times. I think I know what will work for me now. And I know it will be a lot of work.
Through the years of my drinking I think I finally taught myself the reasons why I should not be touching the stuff. Those reasons have been easily pushed aside in the past but there are so many more subtle thoughts now telling me that sobriety is my path. I spent so much energy in keeping the damages down so I could keep drinking. I'm thinking I probably could continue like that for a long time but I don't want to risk more damages. I don't want to pay the piper, and I know that bill is coming due eventually if I do not quit.
So why not now?
I feel great today and at peace.
Thankful to be closing today out sober.
You have always been a straight talker and I appreciate that.
I spent some time thinking today about what it's going to take for me to lay down booze for good. I have attempted this so many times. I think I know what will work for me now. And I know it will be a lot of work.
Through the years of my drinking I think I finally taught myself the reasons why I should not be touching the stuff. Those reasons have been easily pushed aside in the past but there are so many more subtle thoughts now telling me that sobriety is my path. I spent so much energy in keeping the damages down so I could keep drinking. I'm thinking I probably could continue like that for a long time but I don't want to risk more damages. I don't want to pay the piper, and I know that bill is coming due eventually if I do not quit.
So why not now?
I feel great today and at peace.
Thankful to be closing today out sober.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
Re: I can't post here anymore
I lost my mind the past few hours. I'm still sober, although the thought of ordering some mexican food and margaritas for tonight was very strong for awhile. I got all emotional and I am not an emotional guy.
I was definitely on the brink of saying the F word.
Everything is good in my life.
I'm starting to think I am just straight up insane. I mean I know the truth that just a couple drinks will derail the benefits of sobriety. Even though I wouldn't get drunk. I know it is a bad idea for me. But still that part of me says 'who cares'.
It's funny because it is not out of the ordinary for me to go 5 days without drinking. Pre-quarantine I would not drink during the work week regularly. But now somehow if I am trying to stay 100 percent sober it is an issue.
I wasn't expecting anything easy so this is par for the course. I wasn't expecting to land in the nuthouse though.
Hopefully I have some staying power. SMH.
I was definitely on the brink of saying the F word.
Everything is good in my life.
I'm starting to think I am just straight up insane. I mean I know the truth that just a couple drinks will derail the benefits of sobriety. Even though I wouldn't get drunk. I know it is a bad idea for me. But still that part of me says 'who cares'.
It's funny because it is not out of the ordinary for me to go 5 days without drinking. Pre-quarantine I would not drink during the work week regularly. But now somehow if I am trying to stay 100 percent sober it is an issue.
I wasn't expecting anything easy so this is par for the course. I wasn't expecting to land in the nuthouse though.
Hopefully I have some staying power. SMH.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Re: I can't post here anymore
My mom cross-stitched me a picture of the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland. It says "We are all mad here."
I'd venture a guess that most folks on this site can relate to that state of mind. The insanity is that we want to keep going back even when we don't want to.
Glad you got through that.
O
I'd venture a guess that most folks on this site can relate to that state of mind. The insanity is that we want to keep going back even when we don't want to.
Glad you got through that.
O
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