dancook99

I keep hearing this one.

Anyone know why this is the case? Why would it be more difficult than the last time to put down the booze?

D122y

I learned here that it is permanent brain damage.

Booze alters natural opiate production and kills cells deep in my brain. It permeates deeply into my central nervous system.

There are parts of my brain that are dead forever. Other parts had to pick up the load. Those parts are not designed to handle the load as well as the dead parts.

Each relapse kills more and more brain. The end game are things like permanently altered speech, poor balance, depression etc.

The only way out is suffering. Taking meds drags without and causesmthe need for more, different, or stronger meds.

I am still an addict, but natural opiates are what I am after now. I get them through fitness. I also get them by being kind and helping folks.

Learning to be happy without booze is a learned behavior. Some folks regret relapse after decades of sobriety. The addiction is for life.

Thanks.

Reid82

Yep, this was the case for me.

daisy1

Yes it's the damage to the brain that does it. It remembers and you go right back to square one if not worse.

Dee74

Every relapse is a return to active addiction - and addiction, most people will tell you, is progressive.

Why Addiction is Progressive and Always Will Be
https://sobernation.com/why-addictio...always-will-be

D

dancook99

brain and nerve damage...wish id never asked!

Grungehead

Here's a few threads from this forum on a phenomenon that's called "kindling". If you experience kindling it makes withdrawal symptoms more difficult each time you try to quit, which tends to make putting down the booze more difficult each time as well. Kindling tends to occur more often in people who are binge drinkers or people who are trying to quit but relapse frequently.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-kindling.html (Kindling?)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-kindling.html (Recovery knowledge - relapses and kindling...)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ng-effect.html (Kindling effect)

Here's a good article on the science behind kindling: https://www.alcohol.org/effects/kindling-withdrawal/

Like Dee mentioned as well, alcoholism is progressive. I've "only" relapsed twice since the first time I quit in April of 1990, once was for a year after 6+ years of sobriety and the other time was for 8 years after 7+ years of sobriety. You'd think that after being sober that long I would be starting back a zero, but that wasn't the case at all. Both times I was right back to where I left off (or worse) within a couple weeks.

August252015

Dee and Grunge gave the great resources.

I'd add it's essential to understand that alcoholism is a progressive disease. You can't go back in time to when you r body was less damaged, tho if you quit most things are resilient and can heal to a great degree. If you pick back up again, each time is typically worse whether the "kindling" makes sense to you (by that I mean I've never related to it as much as I did PAWS, for example, tho I do'nt doubt it).

Also, you quickly go back to the behaviors, habits, even little stuff you did in your drinking life. Think about how easy it is to get out of an exercise- v get into one. Once you stay in one, you keep getting better and more consistent at it- but for me at least, once you let it go, it's a short trip to worse eating, etc.

Besides quitting, recovery programs help us not just stay sober but live well.

Reid82

That's a very interesting read, Dee. Thank you for sharing.

Grungehead

Yeah August I actually didn't experience kindling myself given my pattern, but I saw it happen to enough people who got got in that revolving door of quitting and relapsing that I think it's worth bringing up. It seems that worsening withdrawal symptoms help feed into that cycle. Their withdrawal symptoms keep getting worse each time they quit, and at the same time their alcoholism continues to progress when they are drinking, and they get stuck between two equally miserable situations. The description in "A Vision For You" in the Big Book sums up that trapped feeling pretty well:

Alcoholics Anonymous 1st Edition p. 152

August252015

It wasn't a term I even heard before SR

Callas

Yes that is such a bummer.

Hawkeye13

I had it. It was almost like I got increasingly allergic to alcohol with each relapse.

Horrible hangovers on less and less booze, anxiety escalated each time. I got a facial rash and thickened skin on my forehead each time I drank by the end.

Recovery times were longer and longer, and I had shorter and shorter “buzz” (happy) time and more blackout and upset time. Not to mention increasing bloating and digestive issues.

And yes, progress of alcoholism did seem to keep going somehow even with nearly two years of unbroken sobriety. No grace period but right back on the merry go round—way beyond diminishing returns and straight into Hell.

So glad it’s over. . .

BullDog777

One of the doctors in the hospital told me that it changes your chemistry on a cellular level. Once that happens, you can't go back.

I looked for so many ways to try to get around the withdrawal...the sickness, the obsession, the kindling...nothing ever worked.

For most of us-at least for me, this was a death sentence commuted only by the effort I put into getting well and never going back. Anything else, is just a short stay of execution. Every relapse I had before that last time in the hospital, got worse, and worse, and I had a lot of organ damage.

I did my research...I tried to get around this illness....you can't. It's impossible without total abstinence. At least as far down as I landed.

I wish you the best of luck. This life, is the easier, softer way without a doubt.

BackandScared

I read somewhere an analogy with cucumbers and pickle.. you can stop a cucumber becoming a pickle, but once a pickle, you cannot revert to cucumber.

It was D122y who introduce the concept of 'kindling' to me. I did not relapsed many times, but I recognised what he was referring about when I read it.

Zebra1275

I read somewhere an analogy with cucumbers and pickle.. you can stop a cucumber becoming a pickle, but once a pickle, you cannot revert to cucumber.

Good analogy, I'm gonna remember that one,

16YearsDrunk

It took me a while to finally quit. Throughout the 16 years I drank I lost count of the number of times I attempted to quit. I quit for 12 months when I was in prison, but the moment I got out I headed for a 4 pack. I wasn't ready to quit, the addiction still had me gripped mentally.

When I finally did quit I was ready. I'd had enough. I had a lot of health issues going on and my mental health was deteriorating. I'd just had enough.

Recovery is tough, but achievable.