Rockbottom1964

So today I went to our local Supermarket for bread and a few other things. Just small stuff, but on my way out - believe it or not – my dad (while knowing that I’ve stopped drinking), asked me if I would get him a bottle of brandy while I was there. (The SMarket has an adjoining Liquor Store, right next door). So what do I say? Except all-right, of course. As I was buying the Brandy, the owner remarked that he hasn’t seen me in a while (almost three months, actually); he knew the Brandy wasn’t for me because I (used to) drink Scotch. I just told him that I’ve stopped drinking, showing him my shopping bag with a 2Lt of Coke, received a so-what shrug with no comment, and left.
Now here’s the thing: back home I went for a dip in the pool (remember, it’s summer in South Africa), and suddenly, vividly, I saw this tall glass of beer, very, very real. All frosty with these icy droplets running down its sides, and worse still – I swear I could actually taste it and it was nectar… It lasted no more than a few seconds, but it stunned me. Hard.
Conundrum: Inside the Liquor Store (quick in and out), I had no craving, did not even allow myself a quick look around to see which Scotch was on special offer, as I’d done a thousand times in the past. But back home, 20 minutes later, I had this vivid flash, my mouth watered, and for a few seconds, really craved/desired/lusted for a/a few beers.
Normal?? A Couple of months back, I think I might have gone back and bought a dozen, or simply bought Scotch with the Brandy. The thought scares me.
85 Days sober, just two weeks to go before a hundred…

BullDog777

I would say absolutely normal. The cravings and romanticizing the booze takes a long time to go away. Rest assured though, it will eventually go away.

Stayingsassy

Also, it’s not uncommon for us to effectively fight the beast (birthday, dinner out, Xmas, bbq what have you) and get the craving later.

Usually it’s the next day, looks like your A.V. was a bit impatient.

Beer is a hard one because I said for a decade, “I’ll only drink beer” in fact that’s how it talked me into drinking after outpatient rehab.

Beer causes less issues than liquor of course, until your alcoholism progresses to the point that “it” gets frustrated with only beer and you find yourself dangerously driving completely drunk out of your mind to go get liquor 8 beers into your 12 pack. Scary stuff.

DaisyBelle7

First of all, congratulations on your strength! Second of all, yes, totally normal to have those feelings. My sponsor and I just talked about this, and she said to “play the tape through to the end”. Fond memories, romanticizing drinking, the initial feel good buzz, followed by disappointing family and friends, health issues, and killer hangovers. Playing the tape through is one tool we can use to help us stay sober.

Dee74

Sounds pretty normal to me.

In my early recovery, anything like that where I exhibited 'control', fed my delusion I might be able to be a normal drinker.

I'm glad you resisted both times.

I think your dad can buy his own scotch

D

Kaneda8888

Totally normal. I had a few years sober and then one day at the gym (!) I suddenly had a desire for a shot of vodka. Very weird. The desire came and went in a moment. You are doing fantastic RB64 !

Hawkeye13

Me too. I’m great going through the booze aisle in the store Friday afternoon , but then when I get home and it’s breezy, warmer, and the sun is setting and I’m back in the situational place I always used to drink. Then I dream of a drink.

All I offer RB is that 8 months in it is a small irritation instead of a huge craving most times, and easily ignored.

Hang tough and keep going. You really are doing so well in a crap situation.
Any chance of getting away doing some volunteer work or something for a week or two just to get away for awhile? That wouldn’t cost much and might really give you some positive fodder.

tomls

I had to play a DVD. I would have worn a tape out very quickly.

HeadEast

Normal. Awesome job on being strong.

Rockbottom1964

Not in this country, Hawk. Sorry. "Volunteer-work" is a swear-word here; the unions will go crazy. And definitely NOT if you're a white person. Also - my two little dogs will run away from this madhouse if I'm not here. I have a suspicion that my stepmom mistreats and probably beats them as well, when I'm gone for a few hours. They are very scared of her. Drunken old witch wobbling around and carrying her scrawny cat around with her all day, cackling and crooning to it... REALLY - I'm not joking you.
But thanks for the suggestion.

Reid82

Well done on 85 days sober but being honest you put yourself in a pretty dangerous situation that you didn't have to be in. Alcoholics and especially ones in very early recovery have no business whatsoever being in a liqour store, even if it wasn't for yourself. It could very easy happen the next time you leave with a bottle for yourself. All it takes is a split second to pick up a drink. But well done on playing the tape forward too at the same time.

Rockbottom1964

Hi, Reid. Like I said earlier, the concept of "Alcoholism" is something my dad and stepmom do NOT believe in, let alone admit that they themselves fall into an advanced stage of that sickness. Trying to explain to them that "Because I'm an alcoholic and in recovery, I don't want to go inside a liquor store", would just cause animosity and scorn. My situation is bad enough as it is, without adding hostility to it as well. I have nowhere else to go and that's the truth. So, if they ask me again, I'll do it again... It's as simple as that.

Hawkeye13

I used to buy my mom cases of beer to keep from drinking and driving, and to keep the peace.

So do you live in the suburbs, the town itself, or in the country?

I totally get being stuck. I had to move back with my alcoholic mother several times and she nearly burnt us both up leaving food on the stove in her drunk cooking episodes. She was also incredibly verbally abusive and often broke things in anger. Very stressful.

Are there any job opportunities where you are? Why are you stuck if you don’t mind sharing ? Ok if not, but being around them sounds horrible.

Rockbottom1964

Hi, Hawk, and thanks for your interest and input. I’ll try to explain as best I can.
Jobs/Work in South Africa, are very few and far between. We have an “Official” unemployment rate of 30% (according to Government sources, which in South Africa, are all about propaganda and votes. Plainly said: they are lying – as with almost everything else). Economists and others in the know, say it’s closer to 50%. Our economy, to give you an idea, have grown by just .2% - yes, a fifth of a percent - last year. The very few jobs that are available, however, a white person need not even apply for. 99% of them are linked to BEE (Black Economic Empowerment, which is just nice-speak for YOU-will-not-employ-a-white-person). Companies who do not toe the line or comply, can by law be fined or closed down; on top of the fact that they don’t stand a chance of ever receiving a Government contract. So, no, there are not jobs; not in my area and not anywhere else in the country.
I write books, though, and hope to publish a few this year, the sales of which, should help me move away from here.
I live in the Suburbs; about three miles outside of town, but there are smaller shops and centres around.
I do have some money, but not a lot, and I’ve earmarked it for use in the Amazon and Facebook adds for the first couple of books. Hence – I have to live as cheaply as possible, until then.
There are also my two dogs. I can’t move to a smaller place because the majority of them don’t allow pets. Like Hevyn on SR, I’d rather live in the bush with my dogs, than in a wonderful (peaceful) place without them.
Have a nice evening. Its 6h30 pm in South Africa. Dad is already sleeping/snoring, and stepmom – owl-eyed and slurring – will probably follow in less than an hour. Peace…

aasharon90

Continue to surround yourself with recovery support
and stay connected to your recovery lifelines, as this
is still early days of recovery.

Our first yrs are hard as we begin to learn knowledge
of addiction and how it affects us as well as those around
us. Then we begin to collect many helpful tools to use
in all areas of our life to avoid picking back up, relapsing
into old behavior and possibly returning to our addiction.

Alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful and it doesn't
care who it takes down with it. We can be in a good place
in our lives, turmoil, vunerable, you name it and alcohol
will be patiently lurking, tempting to take us down.

Look to many who have found success in their own
journeys in living a sober, clean life. Gather as many
suggestions as you need to help you build your own
recovery foundation to live upon achieving, serenity,
health and freedom from addiction that continues
to take so many down today.

Support, care, understanding sent your way. Stay
strong, teachable and willing to do whatever is
necessary to remain sober each day moving forward.

Never hesitate to ask for helpful suggestions if needed
before you ever reach for alcohol that would set you
right back on that merry go round of insanity.

Hawkeye13

I would do pretty much anything for my two pups too RB.

I’m sorry the situation is so limiting. I’m pulling for you that your writing can set you free. You know lots more screenplays are sold in these days of Netflix and Prime Video Originals. Have you thought to try that as well?