Please please help! Relapsed.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Posts: 56
Kat, I'd like to share with you what really helped me let go of my addiction. Maybe you can apply these ideas I am about to tell you in your life. The 2 things that enabled me to drop my addiction: 1. turning my life over to my Higher Power 2. Becoming more loving and helpful towards people.
Everyday I reaffirm that I am giving my life over to God, that I want him to come into my life, that I want to have a relationship with Him.
Becoming more loving started by posting positive messages on post it notes and leaving them in bathrooms and other public places. And then everyday I think of what I can to help someone that day or make their life easier. It has produced amazing results for me.
Everyday I reaffirm that I am giving my life over to God, that I want him to come into my life, that I want to have a relationship with Him.
Becoming more loving started by posting positive messages on post it notes and leaving them in bathrooms and other public places. And then everyday I think of what I can to help someone that day or make their life easier. It has produced amazing results for me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,920
Congratulations on your serious commitment to remaining sober. I was a binge drinker and I remember having a difficult time accepting that I could not control and enjoy my drinking. Waking up scared, alone, and sick over and over taught me that I did not have any control over my behavior after I put alcohol in my body. When I entered recovery I learned that I could control whether I chose to take that first drink.
I hope you continue to make the choice not to drink alcohol. If you push through the first few months it gets easier to believe in yourself again.
I hope you continue to make the choice not to drink alcohol. If you push through the first few months it gets easier to believe in yourself again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 206
Thank you, guys, for encouraging me and for sharing your experiences. 🙏🏻 Means a lot to me! It is an absolute joy to know that someone out there is thinking of you 
I will be completely honest with you as I value your trust and cannot pretend otherwise when replying to your heartfelt posts.....had a few relapses since my last post on SR😔
Nothing bad had happened (thank God) and my family did not get hurt by my actions (luckily). But, I am just as hurt and disappointed as if I did something horrible deserving to be punished for it! Crazy thought process, I know. Did not let it take me down though. Back on track again taking it one day at a time. Allowing myself to heal and recover. Still grieving the loss of my beloved uncle who passed away in late April due to COVID-19. 😢
Not having to deal with blackouts sure helps me a lot to be present and work on my emotions. Back at work full time and love it! Keeps me busy and gives me purpose. My son and I have never been more closer than we are right now. Blessed! All of our experiences, good and bad, had brought us ten steps closer, and we both cherish this relationship tremendously. I am a better mom and a better wife today as I work on my sobriety. Not ashamed of my past mistakes and relapses anymore. I have accepted them and taught myself to use them as a learning tool. They brought me here! They made me who I am today and have shown me that it is never too late to change! There is always room for improvement; it is ok to trip and fall in life as long as you get right back up and make it count!
I am here daily reading your posts, feeling your heartache, applauding your success stories and courage, praying for all of us to stay on track one day at a time, and admiring the fact how wonderful and supporting SR community is.
Thank you!!!
I will be completely honest with you as I value your trust and cannot pretend otherwise when replying to your heartfelt posts.....had a few relapses since my last post on SR😔
Nothing bad had happened (thank God) and my family did not get hurt by my actions (luckily). But, I am just as hurt and disappointed as if I did something horrible deserving to be punished for it! Crazy thought process, I know. Did not let it take me down though. Back on track again taking it one day at a time. Allowing myself to heal and recover. Still grieving the loss of my beloved uncle who passed away in late April due to COVID-19. 😢
Not having to deal with blackouts sure helps me a lot to be present and work on my emotions. Back at work full time and love it! Keeps me busy and gives me purpose. My son and I have never been more closer than we are right now. Blessed! All of our experiences, good and bad, had brought us ten steps closer, and we both cherish this relationship tremendously. I am a better mom and a better wife today as I work on my sobriety. Not ashamed of my past mistakes and relapses anymore. I have accepted them and taught myself to use them as a learning tool. They brought me here! They made me who I am today and have shown me that it is never too late to change! There is always room for improvement; it is ok to trip and fall in life as long as you get right back up and make it count!
I am here daily reading your posts, feeling your heartache, applauding your success stories and courage, praying for all of us to stay on track one day at a time, and admiring the fact how wonderful and supporting SR community is.
Thank you!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 1,386
Great update Kat and I love your attitude. I have had several relapses since becoming active here and even though I do feel down I always try to be positive. It does nothing for us to come on here and talk crap about ourselves.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 206
Originally Posted by MaximusD 
Great update Kat and I love your attitude. I have had several relapses since becoming active here and even though I do feel down I always try to be positive. It does nothing for us to come on here and talk crap about ourselves.
I am sending good vibes your way this afternoon as I am saying my prayers and feeling gratitude for another sober day 🙏🏻
We can do it, Max!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
Kat, I'm sorry for the loss of your uncle.
It sounds like you're doing well and I'm glad you're working on staying positive. It's easy to get bogged down in guilt and shame, but it doesn't help.
It sounds like you're doing well and I'm glad you're working on staying positive. It's easy to get bogged down in guilt and shame, but it doesn't help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 206
Thank you, Anna! I am staying positive as I am trying to support my father (emotionally) while he is coping with the loss of his brother. It sure helps to stay on track with my recovery when I know my family needs me. Feels rewarding and meaningful to be there for them at my best 😊
no excuses to drink but goals for the future!
no excuses to drink but goals for the future!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 464
Hi Kat,
You know, I read through all these posts twice...and was torn between posting/ not posting a comment.
I finally thought, screw it...I should offer my opinion. Please accept it as something offered by a decades long isolated alcoholic who is currently over 20 months AF. Or, toss it.
I agree with Carl. I think if you really want to face a drinking issue, you have to put forth the effort to get into counseling, AA, or some therapeutic alternative.
I used to drink with friends, hang in bars, and realized I had to go low key to avoid arrest, someone from work seeing me plastered, or get into a horrific car accident.
So, I began my well-stocked drinking at home. Worked out wonderfully, until my friends and relatives would stop by.
So, I began to keep less booze visible...and secrete the rest. I became an isolated, yet somewhat secret drinker. If someone dropped by, they saw 2 or 3 beer bottles. I had sucked wayyy more, though.
That worked for awhile, until my hidden hard alcohol bottles started to be discovered...in the tool chest, behind jugs of motor oil, etc.
I finally got help, because I could not quit.
My drinking had simply snowballed into a secret addiction, which would have literally killed me.
Counseling taught me the basics...no bars, no booze parties, no secret bottle stash, and a dry house. These are critical steps in early recovery. And, counseling really helped. Once I took those first steps of real effort, things began to click into place.
Best wishes on your journey. Personally, I am very glad I'm sober. I wish I had put forth the effort years ago.
You know, I read through all these posts twice...and was torn between posting/ not posting a comment.
I finally thought, screw it...I should offer my opinion. Please accept it as something offered by a decades long isolated alcoholic who is currently over 20 months AF. Or, toss it.
I agree with Carl. I think if you really want to face a drinking issue, you have to put forth the effort to get into counseling, AA, or some therapeutic alternative.
I used to drink with friends, hang in bars, and realized I had to go low key to avoid arrest, someone from work seeing me plastered, or get into a horrific car accident.
So, I began my well-stocked drinking at home. Worked out wonderfully, until my friends and relatives would stop by.
So, I began to keep less booze visible...and secrete the rest. I became an isolated, yet somewhat secret drinker. If someone dropped by, they saw 2 or 3 beer bottles. I had sucked wayyy more, though.
That worked for awhile, until my hidden hard alcohol bottles started to be discovered...in the tool chest, behind jugs of motor oil, etc.
I finally got help, because I could not quit.
My drinking had simply snowballed into a secret addiction, which would have literally killed me.
Counseling taught me the basics...no bars, no booze parties, no secret bottle stash, and a dry house. These are critical steps in early recovery. And, counseling really helped. Once I took those first steps of real effort, things began to click into place.
Best wishes on your journey. Personally, I am very glad I'm sober. I wish I had put forth the effort years ago.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 206
Hi Zip,
I am glad you decided to post. Thank you for sharing your story and for sending well wishes my way. Your input is valued and much appreciated.
My house is booze-free, no stashes, no hidden bottles and no more drinking in secret (makes me sick to my stomach as I write it; low point). My husband is not much of a drinker (barely ever a shot or two of tequila or a glass of wine on special occasion twice a year, if even) and absolutely hates when I drink (or drank rather). Therefore; there is no need for alcoholic beverages to be in the house, frankly. We rarely have friends or family over due to busy work schedules and long distance; thus, there is hardly ever an occasion to drink anymore. And, luckily our family members and close friends can have a great time without alcohol on a dinner table. Would not even question it if we would not serve or offer it. Never was a thing, really. Other friends, who are heavy or problem drinkers are no longer invited or around much since we have very little interests in common or topics for a meaningful conversation.
I have been working with a therapist once a week since my uncle passed. We have been working on a few things over the past couple of months including my drinking problem. It has been sobering (no pun intended); very grateful to her guiding me and sharing my emotional pain.
Pardon the novel but I felt like “talking” after reading replies this evening. As you can probably tell, I do not take your replies/posts for granted and every word and recommendation coming from your personal experiences matters!
Thank you for your time, your effort and your support. Hope I can do the same for you one day. Congrats on your recovery and stay healthy!
I am glad you decided to post. Thank you for sharing your story and for sending well wishes my way. Your input is valued and much appreciated.
My house is booze-free, no stashes, no hidden bottles and no more drinking in secret (makes me sick to my stomach as I write it; low point). My husband is not much of a drinker (barely ever a shot or two of tequila or a glass of wine on special occasion twice a year, if even) and absolutely hates when I drink (or drank rather). Therefore; there is no need for alcoholic beverages to be in the house, frankly. We rarely have friends or family over due to busy work schedules and long distance; thus, there is hardly ever an occasion to drink anymore. And, luckily our family members and close friends can have a great time without alcohol on a dinner table. Would not even question it if we would not serve or offer it. Never was a thing, really. Other friends, who are heavy or problem drinkers are no longer invited or around much since we have very little interests in common or topics for a meaningful conversation.
I have been working with a therapist once a week since my uncle passed. We have been working on a few things over the past couple of months including my drinking problem. It has been sobering (no pun intended); very grateful to her guiding me and sharing my emotional pain.
Pardon the novel but I felt like “talking” after reading replies this evening. As you can probably tell, I do not take your replies/posts for granted and every word and recommendation coming from your personal experiences matters!
Thank you for your time, your effort and your support. Hope I can do the same for you one day. Congrats on your recovery and stay healthy!
I got nothin'
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Originally Posted by Kat1313
Please share your journey from shame and guilt to standing with your head up high and no regrets.
Please tell me how you were able to put it all in the past and move forward without feeling like you are the worst person on earth. Will it get better? Will this feeling of anxiety and complete loneliness pass? How does one forgive herself?
Please tell me how you were able to put it all in the past and move forward without feeling like you are the worst person on earth. Will it get better? Will this feeling of anxiety and complete loneliness pass? How does one forgive herself?
Hello, Kat.
I didn't beat myself up. If I had, it only would have given me another excuse to keep drinking. I refused to wallow in my mistakes--what was done was done. The only thing I could do was move forward and the only way to do that was to reach out for help and stop drinking. I went to therapy regularly and took medication. I learned that I could live without alcohol, but I never would have gotten to that point if I hadn't given myself a chance.
You can do this, even if you don't believe it. I had a lot of doubts, but I didn't let my fears control the direction of my recovery.
I still have anxiety and depression. I haven't found the magic cure for either, but I get through it sober. I reach out for help when I need it. I engage in self care. I know that I can get through the rough moments. Alcohol would only add to my problems. So, I don't drink.
Forgive yourself. Just...do it. Seriously. Sometimes it helps to step outside of yourself and imagine how you would show love, caring and compassion to someone who's close to you. Would you be so hard on a friend, a loved one? If not, why are you being so hard on yourself? Show yourself the same level of kindness that you would give to others.
You can stop drinking for good. I did. It's been 11 years now. Many others here have quit for good, too. I don't post much here any longer, but the people here saved my life. Folks here are rooting for everyone to make it. They want to help. Let their words sink it. They know what they're talking about. And one day, when you've had a good length of sober time, you'll know it, too. And you might find yourself wondering how you ever believed the nonsense your brain generated in order to keep you drinking.
Take good care of yourself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 206
Originally Posted by Bamboozle
Hello, Kat.
Forgive yourself. Just...do it. Seriously. Sometimes it helps to step outside of yourself and imagine how you would show love, caring and compassion to someone who's close to you. Would you be so hard on a friend, a loved one? If not, why are you being so hard on yourself? Show yourself the same level of kindness that you would give to others.
Take good care of yourself.
Forgive yourself. Just...do it. Seriously. Sometimes it helps to step outside of yourself and imagine how you would show love, caring and compassion to someone who's close to you. Would you be so hard on a friend, a loved one? If not, why are you being so hard on yourself? Show yourself the same level of kindness that you would give to others.
Take good care of yourself.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you, Bamboozie! Congratulation on 11 years sober! 🙏🏻
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
