100 Days of Sobriety.

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03-20-2020, 04:19 AM

# 1 (permalink)

Rockbottom1964

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Join Date: Dec 2019

Posts: 307

100 Days of Sobriety.

So I’ve reached that first BIG (to me at least) psychological milestone at last. Of course there was 10 days first, then 20, then three weeks and then five weeks, fifty days and then ten weeks... All of them important milestones, but I have to say that all of them – when reached – seemed sort of “so-whatish”… Like it wasn’t really all that great, once I was there? No fireworks and self-congrats or rewards. But this is a 100, and it feels a bit different. Nothing earthshaking, but psychologically, I sense that I’ve cleared that first big hurdle.
Sobriety to me, so far, became easier with every passing day, except for the few days when I’ve really “LUSTED” for a drink. I came very close a few times, especially in the beginning, believe me; also a few times in between, when my personal situation got really bad. But overall, it really has become easier.
The one thing that hasn’t though, and it’s been with me almost from week one, is a strong feeling of malaise – which is the closest I can come to describing it; restless, empty, hollow, somehow not really “present”?? I don’t know if I make sense, but it’s like there is something really big missing in my life? It started around the same time as the other withdrawal symptoms, I think, like the dreams and sweats and headaches and shakes. But whereas all of the others have mostly gone, the “desolate” feeling is still with me. As strong as, or even stronger than in the beginning. I truly hope that in time it goes away as well, and that I stop feeling like half a person.
Lastly, I have to admit that I really miss having a drink/few drinks sometimes. Not "getting-the-shakes" miss, or the "must-have" miss – just miss. But I’m not going there: not today and not tomorrow. Or next week. After that, I’ll hang in there (and hang out here) for the “next month”, and then the next, and hopefully by the 12th of December I’ll be clean for a year. Healthy and happy and in a new place – mentally as well as physically.

100 days today and I hope I never stop counting.

03-20-2020, 05:31 AM

# 2 (permalink)

Dee74

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Join Date: Apr 2007

Location: Australia

Posts: 211,384

Congrats on 100 days RB.

I think a lot of folks are reassessing their priorities right now. I think mot of us are finding life more meaningful, especially the simple things.

Maybe a change of focus and a little gratitude is one way to beat the malaise?

03-20-2020, 05:38 AM

# 3 (permalink)

Reid82

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Join Date: May 2014

Location: Kerry, Ireland

Posts: 2,700

Congrats on 100 days sober.

03-20-2020, 06:59 AM

# 4 (permalink)

Rockbottom1964

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Thread Starter

Join Date: Dec 2019

Posts: 307

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dee74

Hi, Dee. Not sure I understand what you mean here?

"A change of focus"? Isn't staying off the booze the "main" focus on SR? and the reason we are all here, on this Site?
and "a little gratitude"? I thank God for my ongoing sobriety each and every day, believe me. I also said that in a previous post (which didn't receive much positive feedback, I might add). And gratitude to the family? - well, if it was up to them (and they are already drunk as I write this), I would still be a drunken sot...
and "Reassessing priorities"? Like with "focus", the biggest of them both - focus and priorities - to me, right now, and for the foreseeable future is to stay sober. Which is why I am a SR member.

03-20-2020, 11:43 AM

# 5 (permalink)

Sohard

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Join Date: Oct 2017

Posts: 1,283

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rockbottom1964

I’m not sure, but I think Dee meant his comment in a harmless and helpful way, not disparaging as you seem to have taken it. I took his comment as let’s all focus on being alive, on the tens of thousands of health care workers working overtime, on the positive benefits we are least are seeing in the environment (you can see fish in Venice canals for the first time in years and parts of the sky which haven’t been visible in decades due to pollution now ceasing), and people are working together to combat this hellacious virus. Focusing on this stuff can, sincerely, combat your malaise (I think and hope). It’s helped me, at least. I find myself also focusing on what used to be the little stuff but is now the big stuff. I’m grateful for loving my home which I’m isolated in, having food I enjoy, a clean environment, my plant I got before all this craziness began. I feel lucky that I’m not hooked up to a respirator in a hospital. Thinking like that helps me easily combat malaise, which then feels selfish.I certainly don’t think anyone was meaning to call you ungrateful or unfocused (or selfish!), just trying to turn your focus to something more helpful. And I don’t mean to speak for Dee, I’m trying to help you feel better. Looking outward consciously when I feel that malaise, making it not always about the sobriety, helps me.

And a huge congratulations on your 100 days. That is truly amazing. It will keep getting easier and easier, I know it. Congratulations.

03-20-2020, 03:38 PM

# 6 (permalink)

ZIP

Member

Join Date: Jan 2020

Posts: 464

Very nice work! 100 days was huge for me too.
It seems once you reach that point, sober days start clicking away...and the old drunk days really start fading out.
Good work. Roll sober!

03-20-2020, 03:58 PM

# 7 (permalink)

Anna

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Join Date: Aug 2003

Location: Dancing in the Light

Posts: 61,476

100 days is great, RockBottom. I hope you start feeling better. I wonder if you've made positive changes in your life during those 100 days, changes that bring joy, fun, laughter to your life?