Rockbottom1964

80 Days today and I’m amazed at how fast time flies when I am sober. It worries me to tell the truth. I get up in the morning and do a few things and before I realize, it’s time for bed again. Whatever I’ve done with my day seems unimportant somehow, almost as if a lot of it did not happen. As if I wasn’t really there? Like I’m losing time? Like I’m in a haze most of the time but don’t realize it and don’t feel it? Routine stuff like making a sandwich and cleaning the pool, I do, and I’m all there while doing it. Later in the day it all just seems unreal somehow, and I wonder if I shouldn’t remember more of it; if some things shouldn’t matter more. As if I’ve damaged my brain somehow and things that used to matter now don’t seem to any longer?
Another thing: it feels like I have to really make an effort to do some things – things not routine and things that requires a bit more thinking, like using a credit card on the Internet for example, or not-so-very-complicated math? All stuff that came real easy years ago.
I’d like to think that it’s all withdrawal/getting-sober related somehow, and that it will get better with time. It is early days after all, and after having spent the last half-a-dozen years in a alcoholic haze, I shouldn’t expect an overnight “back-to-normal” miracle. But I do wonder? I’d really appreciate some input from some of the “old-timers” on SR. Was it the same with you? and if so - how long did it last? And did your mind ever get back to what it was like before the boozing? Most important – how did/do you cope with it?

80 Days today. Feeling headachy, woozy and generally devil-may-care grotty. A few drinks will help, I know. But then there is tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow again, and, and…And in a month from now, or a year, I’ll have to face the same problem again, and I’ll wish I stuck it out…
Thanks for letting me share.

Helianthus

Hi, and congratulations on your sober time that's amazing!

l remember being disappointed when l was about 18 months into my recovery that l had never reached that whole "oh wow l have so much energy and clarity now l don't know what to do with myself" point. I really struggled with brain fog and short term memory issues to the point where l had some embarrassing moments at work asking the same questions twice etc. If the brain fog is bad it can also make my day and some of the things l did during it feel a bit unreal kind of like l dreamt doing it.

At first coffee was was my friend but l didn't like the jitters and sleep disruption, l'm not sure if l'm allowed to say that l'm now taking a nootropic everyday that has helped me tremendously, l now have that focus, clarity, really improved short term memory and energy with no jitters that l couldn't achieve naturally and it makes life so much easier.

Spacegoat

Dear OP. Here's my 2 cents, I hope it helps

TBH from reading your post it sounds like 'depersonalization/derealization' or similar.

I'm not trained in this area but I have experience. May be worth looking into.

Thanks for posting

courage2

It sounds like you're describing what some people call PAWS-- lots of websites you can look it up, and threads on SR. In AA some people talk about MOCUS in early recovery, which just means kind of all jumbled up in the head.

At 80 days, after 35 years of hard drinking, my mind was like a very ugly color of seasick-making jello. I slushed around and no impressions stuck with me, and I couldn't get any work done without a lot of hand-holding.

I found it helpful to talk through my mental challenges with people who could understand, but probably the most important factor in getting through it was time. Word around the forums is that most people get through this syndrome within about 6 months. Be patient.

I'm 6 years sober now and my brain and mood control haven't been this good since I was a kid.

Regarding the nootropic, I don't know what drug you're specifically referring to, but I know a lot of drunks who went on ritalin or something similar to cope with fuzziness after drinking, and ended up abusing it and relapsing. I advise you to get your system clean and stable for at least 6 months, and then see a doctor if needed. My 2 ¢

Good luck!

Helianthus

Re : The nootropic in my comment, l am not referring to any prescription drug, the one l am using is entirely herbal.

Stayingsassy

Ok. Here’s my two cents. It’s not pretty so brace yourself.

I drank hard. For a long time. I don’t know how in hell I kept my life together but I did, probably moderation tricks I’d picked up with knowledge and experience and some very entrenched, gifted enablers.

It took months to get my brain back. 6-8 months. I was forgetful, dazed, foggy, exhausted, had bad balance, weird emotions, you name it. I settled down for the long haul knowing if I went back to booze these symptoms would vanish but I’d end up dead. It was like Sophie’s choice. Awful. Work suffered because I made small mistakes all the time and I couldn’t think straight....my job requires a lot of problem solving and intuition and I was actually almost let go in my first few months of sobriety. I could not tell my employer why I was struggling, it is not the kind of job where openness with alcohol issues is ever a good thing,

Then, my thinking slowly returned. My memory came back full force after about 1.5 years. I am at 2.5 years and my memory is better than ever, 8 hours worth of hundreds of details I can recall at the end of a workday without notes, I recall numbers and patterns easily, I learned our new system at work in September so quickly I was in the top 2-3 to be ready to go on my own with it. I am sharper and clearer than i was before I quit drinking.

My moods are still unstable. They always have been through my life but a neat thing is: I have dawning awareness of them, I can prepare for them, and I know fully that they are “me” and not the alcohol speaking for me.

Depending on how long you drank it takes time, time, time. Some people have paws and some people never experience it at all. Mine was profound. But it healed, just like most things do when you put down the booze, with enough time under your belt.

Rockbottom1964

[QUOTE=Stayingsassy;7393938]Ok. Here’s my two cents. It’s not pretty so brace yourself.

I drank hard. For a long time. I don’t know how in hell I kept my life together but I did, probably moderation tricks I’d picked up with knowledge and experience and some very entrenched, gifted enablers.

It took months to get my brain back. 6-8 months. I was forgetful, dazed, foggy, exhausted, had bad balance, weird emotions, you name it. I settled down for the long haul knowing if I went back to booze these symptoms would vanish but I’d end up dead.....


Thank you, Sassy. I'm hoping for the same, I guess. That in time, my brain would go back to what it once was. The floating feeling, though, scares me; to the extent - like I said here - where I despair of it (my brain) ever "recuperating" from the effects of the alcohol-abuse I subjected it to...

Stayingsassy

I remember the feelings you’re having, that sense of unreality, floating, living in a fog.

One day about two months into sobriety I went upstairs to shower and lost myself for a few seconds. I didn’t know where I was, who I was, or what was real. I was terrified and just sat down for a moment until I could come back to myself.

Quitting drinking for me was like entering another dimension. I was bewildered and I didn’t understand why I felt so different or how to navigate my new life. A lot of it was that my identity was wrapped up in my altered states I’d induced while drinking so I didn’t know fully who I was, I think most of it early on was just 24/7 awareness, we get used to checking out, when checking out is the Norm, constant awareness just wears the brain down and it seems to sort of short-circuit.

The worst of that is over in about 3-4 months (depersonalization, out of body feelings etc) and then you become a little more clear headed with every month, like tiny fragments of improvement you can feel.

I’ve had mood setbacks that were difficult and sometimes I’d feel like there was no progress, but the proof is in the pudding too, people start to trust you, work starts to respect you more, people start to count on you more, and you start to know who you are. It’s just a longer process than we expect. I’m not done yet either, there seems to be a five year progression which means changes still ahead for me. And then throughout this, you still have to remind yourself why you don’t drink. It’s a hero’s journey. The point of a lifetime. But never having hangovers, never sweating and shaking through the day, never losing days or weeks or losing ourselves, always knowing who we are at any moment of the day, being the person we truly believe ourselves to be is priceless.

So breathe, accept what is, know that it’s all part of the normal process, and enjoy the little gifts sobriety will bring you. Make sure you notice them when they drift along.