Booze-colored glasses
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 111
Booze-colored glasses
I've been wondering lately if I can compare how I feel now about things to how I felt about things when I was drinking.
Drinking would drive my highs and lows to extremes. The highs were great, but the lows were pretty terrible. Eventually it was almost all lows.
There is the old saying about viewing the past through "rose-colored glasses", ignoring the reality of situations in favor of their better parts. When we drink, we don't think clearly. I haven't felt a whole lot since I've stopped drinking; for the most part I'm a lot more even keel. However, that's a problem. Everything feels like an old glove, or doesn't hit me the same way as it used to. This is becoming a problem in my relationship. (Almost 7 years) I am trying to evaluate things on what they will do for my life instead of how excited I get over them. I don't know if I'll have the same excitement about relationships/jobs/hobbies as I used to. On the other hand, I don't get as low (or at least can deal with the lows a lot better) as I used to.
So, can you compare how you feel in the present versus the drinking past? Is it possible to hit the same euphoric highs? (Maybe? They were chemically induced.) All things considered, my life is pretty good, but I feel empty. I am going through the motion without the certainty I used to have. I can deal with things better now, but I'm still problem solving.
Any thoughts?
Thanks.
Drinking would drive my highs and lows to extremes. The highs were great, but the lows were pretty terrible. Eventually it was almost all lows.
There is the old saying about viewing the past through "rose-colored glasses", ignoring the reality of situations in favor of their better parts. When we drink, we don't think clearly. I haven't felt a whole lot since I've stopped drinking; for the most part I'm a lot more even keel. However, that's a problem. Everything feels like an old glove, or doesn't hit me the same way as it used to. This is becoming a problem in my relationship. (Almost 7 years) I am trying to evaluate things on what they will do for my life instead of how excited I get over them. I don't know if I'll have the same excitement about relationships/jobs/hobbies as I used to. On the other hand, I don't get as low (or at least can deal with the lows a lot better) as I used to.
So, can you compare how you feel in the present versus the drinking past? Is it possible to hit the same euphoric highs? (Maybe? They were chemically induced.) All things considered, my life is pretty good, but I feel empty. I am going through the motion without the certainty I used to have. I can deal with things better now, but I'm still problem solving.
Any thoughts?
Thanks.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Originally Posted by Cellardweller 
All things considered, my life is pretty good, but I feel empty.
All is Change
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,282
Sometimes 'Drinking would drive...' is replaced by 'stinking thinking drives...'
So, it's very important to recollect that 1. there is a continual change in feelings, from high to low to bland. 2. how long they last depends on the habit of clinging on to a wanting of how they should be or should not be. 3. however they happen to be at any moment, they will change and it's just a matter of patience, relaxing and letting go.
In time a serenity settles in. The high and lows, and blandnesses, come and go. Sometimes intense, sometimes weak, but they cease being gripped on to and creating disquiet.
So, it's very important to recollect that 1. there is a continual change in feelings, from high to low to bland. 2. how long they last depends on the habit of clinging on to a wanting of how they should be or should not be. 3. however they happen to be at any moment, they will change and it's just a matter of patience, relaxing and letting go.
In time a serenity settles in. The high and lows, and blandnesses, come and go. Sometimes intense, sometimes weak, but they cease being gripped on to and creating disquiet.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
It took me a whole to find sober joy..but I did.
I often talk about building a sober life I love...doing that was an integral part of finding my joy again.
If you feel a lack or a loss in sober life, I'd address that.
what would a sober life you love look like to you?
D
I often talk about building a sober life I love...doing that was an integral part of finding my joy again.
If you feel a lack or a loss in sober life, I'd address that.
what would a sober life you love look like to you?
D
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
I've mentioned this before in threads, but today I'm not searching for happiness (or as you've stated excitement) so much as meaningfulness. A lot of the time when I search for meaningfulness I find happiness is a natural byproduct anyway.
I do get where you're coming from though. After being sober for awhile it kind of changed who I was personality wise to some degree. This led to problems in my marriage that me and my ex-wife were not able to overcome. That's not true in all relationships, but my wife was highly extroverted and I was naturally introverted, but when I drank it allowed me to become more extroverted. While she didn't like a lot of things about my drinking (and was happy I quit), she missed the "extroverted me". The thing was that wasn't really me in my natural (sober) state. I prefer the sober "introvert" that I really am, although it was difficult ending a 10 year relationship.
If being "even keel" is your normal (sober) state of mind and it's causing problems with your relationship that's not a good sign for your relationship. If being "excited" about everything is your normal (sober) state of mind and you no longer feel that way then you might have to figure out why that is. I found out after being sober awhile that I was naturally an "even keel" kind of guy.
It turns out I'm a lot like "Even Steven" from Seinfeld.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=prvm5ZFPIrE
I do get where you're coming from though. After being sober for awhile it kind of changed who I was personality wise to some degree. This led to problems in my marriage that me and my ex-wife were not able to overcome. That's not true in all relationships, but my wife was highly extroverted and I was naturally introverted, but when I drank it allowed me to become more extroverted. While she didn't like a lot of things about my drinking (and was happy I quit), she missed the "extroverted me". The thing was that wasn't really me in my natural (sober) state. I prefer the sober "introvert" that I really am, although it was difficult ending a 10 year relationship.
If being "even keel" is your normal (sober) state of mind and it's causing problems with your relationship that's not a good sign for your relationship. If being "excited" about everything is your normal (sober) state of mind and you no longer feel that way then you might have to figure out why that is. I found out after being sober awhile that I was naturally an "even keel" kind of guy.
It turns out I'm a lot like "Even Steven" from Seinfeld.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=prvm5ZFPIrE Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 517
I can relate very much with the compressed emotions.
Alcohol gave me a personality change, it did what I could not do for myself.
As Grungehead mentioned, from introvert to extrovert ... and much more.
I drank primarily for the personality change.
Not drinking to withdraw from the world, but to feel a part of it.
The only thing I have found so far that can do for me sober, what alcohol used to do, is a certain spiritual program of action.
But it's a very gradual slow change, whereas alcohol, the change was in the time it took to have 3-4 drinks.
Alcohol gave me a personality change, it did what I could not do for myself.
As Grungehead mentioned, from introvert to extrovert ... and much more.
I drank primarily for the personality change.
Not drinking to withdraw from the world, but to feel a part of it.
The only thing I have found so far that can do for me sober, what alcohol used to do, is a certain spiritual program of action.
But it's a very gradual slow change, whereas alcohol, the change was in the time it took to have 3-4 drinks.
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