Can't drink anymore
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 42
Can't drink anymore
Hello, I've lost everything. My wife, my house, all of it. I now live in a cold flat. My body is wrecked, my liver feels like a stone. I shake, my stools are whacked out. I feel like death but come 9 I clock I drink, even though I don't want too. It's really affecting my brain now I have panic/anxiety attacks I can't sleep. I have suicidal thoughts. How am I not going to drink tonight? How can I beat this? I just don't think I'm strong enough.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Hi and welcome softdrinks 
one of the best things about this website is it gives hope - you don't have to face this alone
I came here in 2007 in a similar condition to you - I have stayed sober since.
It wasn't an easy process in the beginning but it was no harder than my drinking life was - in fact it was a lot easier once I let drinking go..
I'm glad you've found us
D
one of the best things about this website is it gives hope - you don't have to face this alone
I came here in 2007 in a similar condition to you - I have stayed sober since.
It wasn't an easy process in the beginning but it was no harder than my drinking life was - in fact it was a lot easier once I let drinking go..
I'm glad you've found us
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 307
Hi, Softdrinks. Read what I've posted on SR in December. I was exactly where you are then and I still am, except as far as a place to stay goes - I'm in a even worse situation there. I live with my old dad and stepmom (both real 24/7/365 days a year toxic alcoholics). But I'm hanging in there. I drank a bottle of Scotch, topped off with the odd half-a-dozen beers a day, and physically I was really a wreck: constant liver pain, shakes, woozy, blood in my stools, you name it... I lived for booze.
I made a decision to stop drinking (again, like a hundred times before), on the 12th of December 2019, and the way I did it was to just tell myself that TODAY, at least I will not drink. Maybe I will again...perhaps in a year, perhaps two. I tell that to the AV (Addictive/Alcoholic Voice) when it whispers to me. But maybe when that time comes, and he/it reminds me of that premise, I will not even be bothered to go (back) there. I really hope so.
Today I have exactly 70 sober days under my belt. I’m still up s***-street as far as my “situation” goes, but I’m working on that. For now, at least I’m sober, and I feel good. Not perfect by a long shot, but I'm going to get there as well - in time, or as close to it as I can...
Remember there’s always someone worse off than you Softdrinks – no matter how bad your situation. Getting out of it is all up to you, and kicking the booze is the (only) way to start.
I’m still doing baby-steps here. I might drink again tomorrow, but today (already noon in South Africa), at least, I will not drink.
Good luck to you.
I made a decision to stop drinking (again, like a hundred times before), on the 12th of December 2019, and the way I did it was to just tell myself that TODAY, at least I will not drink. Maybe I will again...perhaps in a year, perhaps two. I tell that to the AV (Addictive/Alcoholic Voice) when it whispers to me. But maybe when that time comes, and he/it reminds me of that premise, I will not even be bothered to go (back) there. I really hope so.
Today I have exactly 70 sober days under my belt. I’m still up s***-street as far as my “situation” goes, but I’m working on that. For now, at least I’m sober, and I feel good. Not perfect by a long shot, but I'm going to get there as well - in time, or as close to it as I can...
Remember there’s always someone worse off than you Softdrinks – no matter how bad your situation. Getting out of it is all up to you, and kicking the booze is the (only) way to start.
I’m still doing baby-steps here. I might drink again tomorrow, but today (already noon in South Africa), at least, I will not drink.
Good luck to you.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Kerry, Ireland
Posts: 2,703
Hi Softdrinks, welcome to SR and sorry to hear the damage that alcohol has done to your life. That, unfortunately is the nature of the beast. The drink will kill you, it will kill all of us if we let it. Keep posting here and there is a way out
Member
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 7
Hi softdrinks , now is the time to take action and the panic/anxiety attacks , sleep and . suicidal thoughts, will fade . i got sober in october 2019 after loosing house partner daughter dog , i was in a booze and drug bubble for decades , just start one minute ,hour,day at a time , find out what help is available in your area go to a meeting and just sit and listen and bit by bit i am sure you can beat this , as others have said it aint easy to start but once you get a glimmer of what is on the other side of addiction , you will grow and get stronger . Have a look at meditation ,it has helped me through my darkest times . I know its not easy stepping out of our comfort zones but its the only way , i remember some of the first meetings i went to , sat at the back too scared to speak , now i sit at the front and speak first . this is no test if you fail once try try again ,best of luck ,DP66
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,921
You don't have to go through this alone, in fact it's much easier not to.
Spending a lot of time on this website can help, but it sounds like some "face to face" support might be beneficial.
Why don't you try going to an AA meeting, the face to face support of others who have been in your shoes can really help.
Spending a lot of time on this website can help, but it sounds like some "face to face" support might be beneficial.
Why don't you try going to an AA meeting, the face to face support of others who have been in your shoes can really help.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome to SR softdrinks. Reaching out for help is a very important step, you will find a lot of support here. Finding local help or support can be very helpful too - groups like AA and others know exactly what you are going through.
Quitting drinking is very hard, but it's also not impossible. You do have a say in the matter.
Quitting drinking is very hard, but it's also not impossible. You do have a say in the matter.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 517
Welcome Softdrinks
Cool username by the way 👍
I had the full dose Alcoholism too, didn't think I was going to make old bones either.
AA helped me turn it around though.
Us hardcore history alchies have actually never had it so good, there is a ton of help out there for us these days, but it's up to us to seek it out.
Wasn't that long ago we used to get surgically lobotomized in some parts of the world, stoned to death in others, banished to a desert to die ... it wasn't cool ☹️
But these days ... you can admit the problem with out any judgement and find people only too willing to help.
SR is a great online example of that. There's even more face to face help offline too.
Just gotta pluck up the courage to go get it.
All the best with finding that courage mate 🙏
Cool username by the way 👍
I had the full dose Alcoholism too, didn't think I was going to make old bones either.
AA helped me turn it around though.
Us hardcore history alchies have actually never had it so good, there is a ton of help out there for us these days, but it's up to us to seek it out.
Wasn't that long ago we used to get surgically lobotomized in some parts of the world, stoned to death in others, banished to a desert to die ... it wasn't cool ☹️
But these days ... you can admit the problem with out any judgement and find people only too willing to help.
SR is a great online example of that. There's even more face to face help offline too.
Just gotta pluck up the courage to go get it.
All the best with finding that courage mate 🙏
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 710
Welcome softdrinks. No matter how many times this is said. It remains (in my opinion) the most important advice: try something different to stop this time. The forum may or may not be enough. But try something you have not done before at all. For me, it was seeking help with the doctor and telling my husband.
While I did not get any medical help and felt despair and fear for having to go through withdrawal unmedicated, just reaching out made the trick. I always had an excuse for staying quiet before. I was a secret drinkier and I wanted to be a secret sober person. As it happens I had to change the 'secret' part.
Find out what must change and try it!
While I did not get any medical help and felt despair and fear for having to go through withdrawal unmedicated, just reaching out made the trick. I always had an excuse for staying quiet before. I was a secret drinkier and I wanted to be a secret sober person. As it happens I had to change the 'secret' part.
Find out what must change and try it!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 42
Thanks for the advice. I’ve joined the gym and started to take some supplements as I am struggling to eat at the moment. I’m sure my appetite will come back in time. Unfortunately, I can’t go to AA meetings at this time. I’m trying to save some money so I can see a therapist.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Recovery support is always available. AA meetings
doesn't cost anything. It's a place to go, sit, listen,
learn absorb and apply lots of good information
on how to remain sober one day at a time, building
a strong foundation to live your life upon and to put
the plug in the jug for good.
There are lots of folks using different methods to help
them remain sober. Many have found SR and continue
to use this site on a daily bases to help them become
accountable for their own recovery and sobriety.
There are those who began recovery in a rehab program,
where a program of recovery like AA was taught to them,
including myself, using it as a guideline for living a successful
sober life for many yrs.... 29 yrs for myself.
There are a gazillion excuses to drink and we have all
used them to keep us sick in our addiction. Then there
are a gazillion reasons to get and remain sober too.
Folks in recovery share their own experiences, strengths
and hopes of what life was and is like before, during and
after addiction with others so that no one ever has to feel
alone or the only one with addiction or living life in recovery.
Continue reading and asking questions so others can
guide you as you begin learning how to remain sober
no matter what by building a successful foundation to live
upon for yrs to come.
The only way to find out if you have an AA meeting
right nearby is to call your AA central office where
folks are there to provide you with proper information
in helping you get out of your addiction.
Lots of information also online by researching it finding
any and all addiction and recovery support available to
many.
doesn't cost anything. It's a place to go, sit, listen,
learn absorb and apply lots of good information
on how to remain sober one day at a time, building
a strong foundation to live your life upon and to put
the plug in the jug for good.
There are lots of folks using different methods to help
them remain sober. Many have found SR and continue
to use this site on a daily bases to help them become
accountable for their own recovery and sobriety.
There are those who began recovery in a rehab program,
where a program of recovery like AA was taught to them,
including myself, using it as a guideline for living a successful
sober life for many yrs.... 29 yrs for myself.
There are a gazillion excuses to drink and we have all
used them to keep us sick in our addiction. Then there
are a gazillion reasons to get and remain sober too.
Folks in recovery share their own experiences, strengths
and hopes of what life was and is like before, during and
after addiction with others so that no one ever has to feel
alone or the only one with addiction or living life in recovery.
Continue reading and asking questions so others can
guide you as you begin learning how to remain sober
no matter what by building a successful foundation to live
upon for yrs to come.
The only way to find out if you have an AA meeting
right nearby is to call your AA central office where
folks are there to provide you with proper information
in helping you get out of your addiction.
Lots of information also online by researching it finding
any and all addiction and recovery support available to
many.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 42
I have no problem with AA, I have their literature and I think it's a great program. My situation is I live in the middle of nowhere so meetings are limited. This isn't the problem it is that a person who attends these meetings has done crimes to my family. It is in the hands of the police and once it has gone through the court process he will most likely spend the rest of his life in prison. The only reason he is not in prison now is because he's wealthy and hired a top barrister. I can't go to meetings in case I bump into him. If an admin wishes to contact me. I can explain further or if this post breaks any rules delete it. I stress again I have no problem with AA.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Softdrinks - It's so good to have you with us. I had felt all alone until finding SR. Reading & posting here took away the feeling of isolation & shame - I realized I was no longer alone to deal with my addiction & the fallout from it.
I'm glad you're in the process of rebuilding your life. I'm sorry for the painful times you've been through. None of us set out to sabotage ourselves & destroy our lives. Drinking to me was just a fun, relaxing way to unwind & feel less anxious. In the end, it caused my anxiety to go off the charts - my self worth to plummet - it was destroying me. It's poison to us - we won't touch it again.
I'm glad you're in the process of rebuilding your life. I'm sorry for the painful times you've been through. None of us set out to sabotage ourselves & destroy our lives. Drinking to me was just a fun, relaxing way to unwind & feel less anxious. In the end, it caused my anxiety to go off the charts - my self worth to plummet - it was destroying me. It's poison to us - we won't touch it again.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Oh yeah.... the 'ol "drinking when you don't want to drink." That one was a killer for me. It was also a great lesson though - taught me that not wanting to, not matter how much I didn't want to, was going to continue to be not enough of a solution for me.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
