61 Days today
 

Yesterday I was sober for 60 days, and I felt really crappy. Headache, tired, listless, and worst of all, lightheaded – or “woozy” as I call it. I don’t know if it is my body punishing me for withholding the stuff that made it feel good (and sick the next day), for so long? Maybe it just said – “enough now, I want/need a drink”. And I did, for a few minutes there. Yesterday morning I came really close. “Stepmom” was ruder than her normal hungover self and pee-ed me off even more than usual, and I had this inner voice (the AV, I suppose) telling me that a few drinks would be really great right then. That one day was not going to matter. That tomorrow I can be right back on the wagon. Just one day. Just one bottle of Scotch, that's all. The shop’s not even a kilometer away, I could be back in 20 minutes…
But then I thought of the old b**** laughing and smirking to herself and congratulating herself on making me drink again and how good it would make her feel…and that was enough reason to not to. Not to drink. No matter if it would make me feel better; if it would make me – and my worries and cares – float away for a few hours; as well as the aches and pains which I thought was gone for good.
So I did not drink. In 2 days I would equal and then pass my old record of 63 days. After that, it would be the same as it is now, I suppose. Just one day at a time.
And today, at least, I will NOT drink.

Congrats on 61 days Rockbottom 1964. It does get easier as you go along, in the early days if I thought about drinking I came on here and somebody talked me out of it. Nowadays it happens rarely and passes very quickly, I play the tape forward and remember how full of despair I would be the day after drinking, I never want to go back to that.

YOU are stronger then the av! Keep on the path.

Unfortunately it doesn't end there!

Glad you chose the right path. :)

Well done Rockbottom. The first 3 months every big milestone (10 days, 20 days, 30 days, 60 days) was a massive trigger. It stopped when I reached 100. I had a horrible 3 days after my 100th (also just before).

Like i have achieved something and I wanted a reward. A proper reward. Obviously nothing was going to beat the wine.

I am so happy I made it through every one of these 10, 20, 30, etc. It helped me to see the pattern, to identify the triggers. I also know it is my addiction asking me to drink. I don't want to drink. I don't want to be back there. When I quit, 7 month ago, I would have cry of angst if I was told I could make it to 10 days and then **** it up again.

I did not believe I could make 1 single day. You have 61. Make 60 years. Reconsider then

Many ups and downs, highs and lows, good days bad days for quite a while for me. Wait it out. Patience is the key for me! Best wishes for you on your journey!

Congratulations!

Congrats rockbottom, pretty soon you'll start counting in months instead of days!

Well done! The AV is an insidious b*tch that is hard to fight but you did it!

Thanks everyone. 3 hours and 38 days to day 100.:thanks

Congratulations!

RB having to live with alcoholism around you is a steep curve but can be done and gets easier as you get stronger and more “conditioned” to sobriety as your new normal.

What activities can you do in the compound on your own to occupy time so you don’t have to witness / engage so much?

I started teaching myself guitar, working puzzles, reading novels again (so many great classics so cheap or even free on Amazon Kindle) and lately have been polishing chops to get back writing myself—something I trained to do but let financial needs and my own drinking interrupt.

You’re a writer as well, aren’t you?

Hi, Hawk, and thanks for your reply. Writing is what I do, yes, and if it wasn't for that - and my imagination, of course - I would have gone bonkers here long ago. So that's what I do mostly: I stay in my room about twenty hours a day and write and dream... About what I'm going to do with that first million...:lmao
I've published two books on Amazon, by the way, and I'm proud to say one of them sold about six thousand copies. I've been procrastinating for a few years now and it's taking a lot of own-ass-kicking to get back into it. If I never stopped with it (writing), I wouldn't be here now, that's for sure.

Well done!