Rockbottom1964

Seven weeks and a day... Today is day 50 sober and I’m not half as chuffed with it as I thought I would be. I thought it would be a milestone and special, but it turns out that it’s just one more day – albeit a booze-free day. Almost the only time/s I think of alcohol now, is sometimes when I wish I had someone to really talk to, or when I’m on SR. And today – can you believe it, is the first time in weeks that I actually have a headache. Probably a sugar hangover. But better than an alcohol one, right?
The next target is a 100 days and the way I feel now, I do not think it will be a problem. I hope not, in any way. In the meantime, I’ll just stick with the old mantra I first saw on SR two years ago: “I’m not saying I will never drink again, but today, at least, I will not drink.”

Dee74

Congrats on 50 days RB

it may not have seemed that special today but in time you"ll look back and be glad for what you've accomplished

D

Rockbottom1964

Expanding on this thread: has anyone on SR just sort of felt…despondent, empty – sort of? this far (50 days) into their sobriety? That’s the way I feel today. Just empty. I think that I was looking forward to this day for a long time (although 50 days are not that long at all, it sometimes felt like it), and now that it’s here and not special at all, I feel sort of deflated, I suppose is a good way of describing it.
Right now I’m sitting on my bed with my laptop; my head feel sort of stuffed (like in the first few booze-free days), I’m listless, headachy, tired and just flat… A drink will help, my stepmom would say if I shared with her, but that’s a no-go. I honestly don’t feel like one - or her.
I’m sorry to keep posting on SR. When I look at other people’s number of posts and threads, it feels as if I am on this page way too much and other members are getting tired of me. But if you read my first few threads, you’ll see this place – SR – is really the only place I can go to when I need to talk…

AAPJ

HI RB1964 I don't have a great answer to your question but I want you to know that I am not tired of your posts at all. Just the opposite. I enjoy your posts/thoughts. Please keep posting.

Edited to add - Based on your profile picture - why not spend some time petting your dogs? That always helps me when I am feeling down.

August252015

I'm glad you are here "a lot"!! Not tired of a newcomer like you at all.

At 50 days I was really just getting clear. It was actually around 100 days that I noticed a big shift forward in a lot of ways, tho indeed things had gotten much better! And as far as the odd thing on a special day- it was day 90 exactly when I had my first and truly only "almost kinda thought about a plan to go to this place and.." thought. Good alcoholic that I am!!

Have you looked at the Class of Jan or Dec thread? I also suggest the book Living Sober- it's an easy read and a really good one about the first yr of sobriety. It's AA-approved but not a 12 step book.

Keep going. Add some things to SR if you like - always a good idea IMO. You can do this. It will keep getting better- and the "flat" days are something I learned usually meant I was ... "OK," like most people who aren't alcoholics are able to recognize instead of my highs and lows!

Rockbottom1964

Thanks, AAPJ and August. Feeling better now - after an afternoon nap. Just had a swim as well. It's 30 degrees Celsius here (86 F) Almost 3Pm.

Zebra1275

Congratulations on 50 days!

Just keep plugging away, "one day at a time."

Purina

50 days thats good. I had about the same time but then I wne tout and I think I drank 4 times. So now on Day 2.

Do you think drinking on 4 days will be enough to completely discombobulate my brain where it takes MONTHS to return to normal? i always wonder how many drinking sessions it takes to break the brain back to the point where it takes over 6 months to start acting normal?

Because I remember one time I had like 9 months sober and drank only once and after that I was able to get back to normal pretty fast, it took less than a week. I just hope that these 4 drinking days will not be enough to set me back too much.

Yesterday I felt awful as far as depressed and irritable.

VinnyMcM

Rock, I’m on day 44 and I’m feeling those EXACT feelings. Empty is a perfect word to describe it. And like you, I have zero desire to drink.

What I’ve come to realize is that 44 days is an absurdly low number of days sober compared to how many days I had drunk. To think that I would be “healed” in a month and a half after drinking hard for 20 years was absolutely unrealistic.

And you are not posting too much. You have more sober days than me and I have 5x as many posts. And too be honest, I don’t really put any thought into how much I post. It helps me so that’s what I’m going to do. If it wasn’t for the wisdom of the people here telling me it gets better with time and patience, I may have gone back to drinking already. Stay with us. I’m right there with you.

Kaily

RB big congratulations on 50 days. I enjoy reading your posts and hearing about your progress.

Keep them coming, the more the merrier.

Dee74

I had many plateau moments RB but I kept at it and I'm glad I did. You will be too

Welcome Back Purina- hope you feel better soon

D

Surlyredhead

50 days is amazing! For me, those early days were the hardest, took me more times that I can count to get past 45 days without relapsing.

As for feeling empty Rockbottom1964 and VinnyMCM (and everyone else feeling empty) , try to think of a glass that you poured out the negative things, now you have a perfect receptacle to fill back up with positive things! Fill it with your tools of recovery, your experiences, strength and hopes. Then when you come across someone going through what you are going through now, you can pour some of your good into their empty cup!! My cup runneth over with recovery, I try to share some everyday, but I had to empty it out of negativity first! Maybe silly, but that is how I see it.

Hugs, you are doing great...those one days at a time will add up faster than you realize, Cathy

Hevyn

Hi Rockbottom - congrats on your 50 days of sobriety - that is wonderful. I'm glad you posted about what's going on - that's why we're here - to see each other through this.
I understand the flat, empty feeling too. It's a huge adjustment we're making - even though it needed to happen. I remember the feeling that something was missing - but that was because I needed to learn to live in a different way. I'd spent a great deal of time numb & foggy. Everything got better & easier as I went along. We go through many phases as we find ourselves again. Be proud of yourself for what you've accomplished.

Hi Purina - great to see you. Hoping today's a better one for you.

August252015

How's it going this wkd RB?
Glad you are back Purina

Vinny- you're doing awesome!

Rockbottom1964

Hi, August. Thanks for asking. Weekends are always bad here; I suppose because people drink all day instead of just after work. Dad and stepmom excluded of course – they’re retired so they drink hard every day, starting at three, seven days a week; but weekends they also start earlier. But I’m happy to say – even though I’ve been offered drinks – I’m still clean and sober. Dad and stepmom are both passed out (have been for a while, now), and I’m in my room with my dogs, watching a movie and trying to ignore the loud music outside – BBQ time for the other boozers. It’s 8Pm here and I’m all right. 52 days gone…
Thanks everyone else for replying/caring. Hope you're all having a good, sober weekend.

Rockbottom1964

Thank you, Vinnie.

Rockbottom1964

Always remember that a lot of us are exactly where you are right now, Purina. I'm sure you're going to be fine in the end. Enjoy your weekend and remember - you're just human, and trying hard to be better at it. In my book, that's enough...