the long-term effects I had on other people
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the long-term effects I had on other people
Coming up on 2 years alcohol-free pretty soon..and even though my relationship with my family has been restored and they're just happy to have me 'back'...i still get pangs of extreme guilt over all those years of craziness I put them through. I can't even imagine what it would be like putting up with a loved one acting like that and being helpless to do anything. sometimes I feel even more guilty that they've forgiven me. however, i try to tell myself that feeling guilty means I'm just human...and that cringing at my past means I've grown as a person. Some of my family have their own hardships and struggles to this day too..and I overthink and wonder if it's mental health issues such as PTSD from years of dealing with the insane behavior of an alcoholic (me).
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2 years is fantastic Froscow. It can literally take years to re-establish trust with others around us though, and unfortunately some bridges can never be rebuilt. I did a lot of things when I was drunk that I regret to this day, and i just turned the corner on 7 years.
Overthinking was a big problem of mine too - and about 2 years in was when I started looking long and hard at my mental health as it was not improving. For me it was anxiety, but many of us have underlying conditions. If you think you might, there's no hurt in speaking with a counselor to find out.
I also see a lot of things to be thankful for in your post - your family, your 2 years sober, those are pretty huge. Sometimes for me i need to just sit down and write down some things I'm thankful for. Sobriety itself is something I would have given any amount of money to have towards the end of my drinking - and now I have it.
Overthinking was a big problem of mine too - and about 2 years in was when I started looking long and hard at my mental health as it was not improving. For me it was anxiety, but many of us have underlying conditions. If you think you might, there's no hurt in speaking with a counselor to find out.
I also see a lot of things to be thankful for in your post - your family, your 2 years sober, those are pretty huge. Sometimes for me i need to just sit down and write down some things I'm thankful for. Sobriety itself is something I would have given any amount of money to have towards the end of my drinking - and now I have it.
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Great job on 2 yrs and the fam repairs - that's been a huge gift to me! Echo a lot of what Scott said.
For me, therapy and AA (particularly steps 4/5/9) have allowed me to deal with regret, guilt and shame. Yeah, stuff pops up and sometimes things like my dad getting a little slower make me wish I had time back, but I can't change it. And all I can truly do is make living amends- ie, be an ongoing best version of sober me.
Keep going. You're inspiring !
For me, therapy and AA (particularly steps 4/5/9) have allowed me to deal with regret, guilt and shame. Yeah, stuff pops up and sometimes things like my dad getting a little slower make me wish I had time back, but I can't change it. And all I can truly do is make living amends- ie, be an ongoing best version of sober me.
Keep going. You're inspiring !
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Well, I can chime in here from the "other side" as a child of an alcoholic.
Yes, it does have long term affects.
That aside, what I have never actually seen is an alcoholic in true recovery! You can't imagine living with an alcoholic, I can't imagine seeing someone in recovery!
I think that would be amazing. To be able to see the actual person, to see them contributing to the family. That alone would be healing.
I hear your compassion, maybe this is something you can talk about with those you think are affected, perhaps that would help them. There is also Al-Anon and Alateen available for family members and there is Al-Anon literature if they don't really want to attend meetings.
I think it's great that you are thinking about this, there are pro-active things you can do.
Congratulations on your 2 years of sobriety, that's a great achievement.
Yes, it does have long term affects.
That aside, what I have never actually seen is an alcoholic in true recovery! You can't imagine living with an alcoholic, I can't imagine seeing someone in recovery!
I think that would be amazing. To be able to see the actual person, to see them contributing to the family. That alone would be healing.
I hear your compassion, maybe this is something you can talk about with those you think are affected, perhaps that would help them. There is also Al-Anon and Alateen available for family members and there is Al-Anon literature if they don't really want to attend meetings.
I think it's great that you are thinking about this, there are pro-active things you can do.
Congratulations on your 2 years of sobriety, that's a great achievement.
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Trailmix- I'm the ACOA too. My mom has been sober for 15-or so yrs now. It took me having my journey and getting sober - and a lot of work on my part, which is what I can own - to have a great relationship. We have an empathy now that wouldn't be possible without the years of ... everything. It was very hard for a very long time, to say the least. But no one in my family ever gave up on each other and I am grateful.
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Originally Posted by froscow 
Coming up on 2 years alcohol-free pretty soon..and even though my relationship with my family has been restored and they're just happy to have me 'back'...i still get pangs of extreme guilt over all those years of craziness I put them through. I can't even imagine what it would be like putting up with a loved one acting like that and being helpless to do anything. sometimes I feel even more guilty that they've forgiven me. however, i try to tell myself that feeling guilty means I'm just human...and that cringing at my past means I've grown as a person. Some of my family have their own hardships and struggles to this day too..and I overthink and wonder if it's mental health issues such as PTSD from years of dealing with the insane behavior of an alcoholic (me).
Still grappling with it.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Canada
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thanks for the comments everyone. very thankful for where I am today.
I remember when going 2 weeks used to be a massive achievement for me, let alone 2 years.
I think the longer I go on in time with a clear head, I more horrified I am at my past behaviour when I reflect on history..hence this post.
And I'm trying to see that as a positive thing...it means I've changed for the better. What's done is done..accept it..learn from it..move on...
I remember when going 2 weeks used to be a massive achievement for me, let alone 2 years.
I think the longer I go on in time with a clear head, I more horrified I am at my past behaviour when I reflect on history..hence this post.
And I'm trying to see that as a positive thing...it means I've changed for the better. What's done is done..accept it..learn from it..move on...
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Join Date: May 2009
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As you continue on your sober journey you will find that the passage of time continues to help with the regrets.
I'm approaching 10 years sober soon, and a lot of my behavior is in the "distant past."
There are many people in my life who have never seen me have a single drink. They only know the "current" me.
And after the passage of 10 years of time, many others seem to have forgotten any problems I had. People are wrapped up in their own current issues and they don't care about my ancient history.
I'm approaching 10 years sober soon, and a lot of my behavior is in the "distant past."
There are many people in my life who have never seen me have a single drink. They only know the "current" me.
And after the passage of 10 years of time, many others seem to have forgotten any problems I had. People are wrapped up in their own current issues and they don't care about my ancient history.
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^^That's a really good reminder of what we can have in the present.
The increasing acceptance of that confidence - that I have a valid and valuable place in this world, do not hurt people (best I can, and def not by alcoholic behavior), and self-respect...priceless. And definitely a process and one that has only come pretty recently in full as far as one close fam member goes.
The increasing acceptance of that confidence - that I have a valid and valuable place in this world, do not hurt people (best I can, and def not by alcoholic behavior), and self-respect...priceless. And definitely a process and one that has only come pretty recently in full as far as one close fam member goes.
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