Rockbottom1964

I do and I admit it. Please note that I say “miss” and not “crave”. In the last couple of years, since my wife left for the last and final time (3rd March 2018), alcohol helped me forget. I realized, after a couple of weeks of being by myself – again – that this was finally it. That this time she hadn’t just gone for an extended visit to our daughter in Cape Town, or a traveling-trip with her sisters. This time she really was gone, as in “never coming back gone.” So I drank even more than I used to before. There was no longer any need, also, to make it – my drinking – look like it “wasn’t a problem thing”. No longer any need to keep a spare bottle hidden in the car or garage or laundry-basket. I could drink all I wanted, and I did – only now I had a reason to: I was lonely, and drinking to excess each and every day made me forget for a while and at least sleep a bit. When I drank – after that first few, 7 or 8 o’clock in the morning – I was afloat. Cotton wool in my head and who-gives-a-s***, for a few hours at least. Then an afternoon nap, and then another half-a-bottle of Scotch, then food and bed again.
I’m 47 days sober today and I don’t crave a drink. I do miss one though – or a dozen - when I wake up in the early hours and lie staring at the ceiling in the dark; wishing I hadn’t made so very many mistakes…

ScottFromWI

Whether its a craving or missing it or a memory, I think it's hard to erase our past from our minds completely. And in both cases it's a lie our addictoin tells us. Sure there might have been that warm/fuzzy feeling after the first drink, but we forget the hangover, withdrawals and all the other bad things that always accompany the first drink.

There is never a good reason to drink for us - ever. Congrats on 47 days and for coming here to talk things through...the alternative is much worse of course!

Sohard

Ghostlight1

Congratulations on forty seven days sober. With the amount you were imbibing, that's quite a fete to quit by yourself. And I understand your reasoning why you drank so much.
I missed alcohol, no I missed getting drunk, for a period after I finally quit for good.
Being drunk was all I knew for thirty years. How does one forget that feeling over night?
The answer is time. The more time you have sober, the less you will miss drinking.
It may take awhile, but it's true. Like time heals all wounds. And I've found this to be true in other, unrelated, things in my life.

Hang in there. Have you thought of trying AA or a different recovery program?
It can be very beneficial.
And there is always here.
Stick with it. Believe me I know what you're going through. You're not alone.

ScaredTexan

Grymt

The more you do good in the present the less remorse you will feel regarding actions of the past. The less negative things you do in the present the more positive you will feel. It's a process that takes time and effort. No need to worry. Relax.

NYCDoglvr

I don't. The last few years alcohol only led to very dark places. Add to that getting sober was the hardest thing I've ever done. I know I have another drink in me but don't think I have another recovery.

PhoenixJ

Support to you.

ciowa

I've used booze to try and get over some relationships in the past and it never really worked for me. What would happen is I would usually try to suppress my emotions until I was drinking and then they would all come out. So, Id shamefully try to contact the ex when I was drinking and they always knew I was drinking. Sometimes it led to angry emails and me saying stuff I was ashamed of when I was sober. And yes, maybe once or twice it did lead me to saying some nice things and making up. But the things is, I could have done the good things better when I was sober and could have avoided the bad things altogether if I was sober. I guess what I'm trying to say is that alcohol was worse off for me because drinking in loneliness didn't lead me to inner relief with solitude but instead led me to contacting the exes when I was in no good condition to be contacting anyone.

Dee74

The thing is drinking was my attempt to make the intolerable (loneliness) tolerable.

It didn't work - I just got lonely and drunk.

Drunk is not the opposite of lonely - being connected with other people is.

Think about interests you have, sports you like, what opportunities there are to volunteer in your community.

There must be some common ground there that doesn't involve drinking and get you engaging with people again

D

SIB

Problem with booze in those situations (wife just left for good) is that you stay in that very moment and never "move on". Its there just as furious the next morning after a drunk as it was when she left weeks, months or even years ago if you've been on the sauce the entire time. Yeah, it'll help you forget, as you said, for a few hours but it'll be even worse when you wake up depressed and anxiety filled.

The good thing is those moments can usually be enough to push someone into sobriety, at least it was for me, and you can finally move on with a clear head.