O Well?
Woe is Moo.
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
Hi O! Okay at the risk of annoying you again, I will say that when someone (s) give me feeback about myself that I don't like, I immediately get defensive, and plus also, they are usually wrong --dead WRONG!!!! 
But sometimes, not always, but sometimes, if I examine it later, maybe even waaaaay later, I find some helpful kernel of information there about myself.
Once, my therapist asked me if I really needed a therapist, cuz I already had it all figured out. I thought it was patronizing, dismissive of my profound efforts to understand myself, an affront to the respect I had shown her, and furthermore, it did not address the valid information I had indeed uncovered and shared about myself. In conclusion, I was pssd!
Many weeks later I was like, girl, you have to admit it is possible you might be TOO CLOSE to your own situation/identity to be entirely objective about yourself.
Now in these situations, even if I end up sticking to my guns, which I usually do
I am reminded that others' perception of things is equally as true to them as mine is to me.
But sometimes, not always, but sometimes, if I examine it later, maybe even waaaaay later, I find some helpful kernel of information there about myself. Once, my therapist asked me if I really needed a therapist, cuz I already had it all figured out. I thought it was patronizing, dismissive of my profound efforts to understand myself, an affront to the respect I had shown her, and furthermore, it did not address the valid information I had indeed uncovered and shared about myself. In conclusion, I was pssd!
Many weeks later I was like, girl, you have to admit it is possible you might be TOO CLOSE to your own situation/identity to be entirely objective about yourself.
Now in these situations, even if I end up sticking to my guns, which I usually do
I am reminded that others' perception of things is equally as true to them as mine is to me. 
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Thinking of you O, I dont understand her spending all that energy on you when I assume she is there cause she got her own issues. Big issue for me is figuring out how not to give these peopple my energy, which is a work in progress. We all know that is what there are seeking, but how to avoid falling into the trap. Wish I knew.
Great post Cow.
Great post Cow.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Ya know, been in rehab a few times. Ugh. And it is full of sick people. Haha. Wow. I know. And there is ALWAYS that one bitch that just eats at me. Well maybe not always, but usually. And its weird: There will be people I like, people I don't like. People that like me, people that don't like me. But its different with that 'one'. She is usually strong, smart, manipulative and a ring leader....or tries to be. But somehow she's able to make me feel soooo 'less than'. And why is that? But its the powerlessness, the ability to make me feel vulnerable. I hate that.
There's got to be some lesson in that for me.....because these women, through out my life, not just in rehab, have always gotten to me.
And this gal O? MH? She sounds very mentally ill. Straight up.
There's got to be some lesson in that for me.....because these women, through out my life, not just in rehab, have always gotten to me.
And this gal O? MH? She sounds very mentally ill. Straight up.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
when i can remember, in the heat of the moment, to just respond with something along the lines of "you know, that could be so", then there is nothing left for that person to argue against and i have also not lost my power or cool or been unauthentic.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,021
^^^ that.
At your stage of recovery I had so little trust, even the tiniest cracks in my shell were very painful and dangerous to my sobriety. I opened up in baby steps. In AA, I assiduously avoided those who provoked me to interrogate every move in ways I wasn't ready to do.
Even now, I weigh the importance of tension-fraught interactions carefully, and often refuse to talk about things -- even walk out of a room -- if the matter matters less than my peace of mind.
Don't put your sobriety at the mercy of any other person or thing. Ever.
At your stage of recovery I had so little trust, even the tiniest cracks in my shell were very painful and dangerous to my sobriety. I opened up in baby steps. In AA, I assiduously avoided those who provoked me to interrogate every move in ways I wasn't ready to do.
Even now, I weigh the importance of tension-fraught interactions carefully, and often refuse to talk about things -- even walk out of a room -- if the matter matters less than my peace of mind.
Don't put your sobriety at the mercy of any other person or thing. Ever.
All is Change
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,282
Alternative: this person is suffering. People often, if not always behave inappropriately / badly because they are in pain and are suffering. The habit is to not own the pain and project it outside on to others and things. The 'cure' is to be compassionate. Both to self and the other.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,410
Hi all;
How bout a roll call as we prepare for Spring?
I’m just about 8 months to the day sober since final relapse last Summer.
Mentally I do get the odd cravings still but manage with appropriate action.
I have been mostly zero carb these past months and it is absolutely helping me stay strong in both willpower and gradual reduction of inflammation and resulting weight loss. I think the sugar carb metabolism of booze was a serious underlying trigger for my cravings.
My procrastination is a little better but still something that needs more action and digging down to the source. Mentally I feel much steadier but anhedonia not resolving as I would like though now I do have moments of intense “well-being” and certainly gratitude that sobriety has become once more a way of life / norm.
Best of all, thought of relapse feels like scary abnormal action instead of a “go to” response to stress or discomfort.
So in all, I feel good about where I’m walking in Life at the moment. Still vigilant, of course, but solid on the sober road. How are y’all feeling?
How bout a roll call as we prepare for Spring?
I’m just about 8 months to the day sober since final relapse last Summer.
Mentally I do get the odd cravings still but manage with appropriate action.
I have been mostly zero carb these past months and it is absolutely helping me stay strong in both willpower and gradual reduction of inflammation and resulting weight loss. I think the sugar carb metabolism of booze was a serious underlying trigger for my cravings.
My procrastination is a little better but still something that needs more action and digging down to the source. Mentally I feel much steadier but anhedonia not resolving as I would like though now I do have moments of intense “well-being” and certainly gratitude that sobriety has become once more a way of life / norm.
Best of all, thought of relapse feels like scary abnormal action instead of a “go to” response to stress or discomfort.
So in all, I feel good about where I’m walking in Life at the moment. Still vigilant, of course, but solid on the sober road. How are y’all feeling?
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 675
Nice to hear your update Hawkeye, honestly I'd say my mental well being has continued improving well into my second and even third year so don't be discouraged..
Lately I haven't had much to complain about really. Physically I've actually managed to get myself into shape, and plan on doing more outdoor cardio now that it's getting nice out again.. Things with the guy I always talk about seem to have stabilized (for now). I'm finally on the verge of possibly having multiple real estate clients who I know personally through my bartending job. I'm getting ready to buy my own place. And I'm planning another trip to Europe this fall with the same group of friends as last year.
So things are going well.. I could almost forget I ever even had a problem. Except of course I can’t and I won’t, and sometimes the gravity of that still feels a little bit tragic.
Hoping you're able to put the whole MH incident(s) out of your mind and are feeling prepared to adjust back into your schedule and routines at home O.
Lately I haven't had much to complain about really. Physically I've actually managed to get myself into shape, and plan on doing more outdoor cardio now that it's getting nice out again.. Things with the guy I always talk about seem to have stabilized (for now). I'm finally on the verge of possibly having multiple real estate clients who I know personally through my bartending job. I'm getting ready to buy my own place. And I'm planning another trip to Europe this fall with the same group of friends as last year.
So things are going well.. I could almost forget I ever even had a problem. Except of course I can’t and I won’t, and sometimes the gravity of that still feels a little bit tragic.
Hoping you're able to put the whole MH incident(s) out of your mind and are feeling prepared to adjust back into your schedule and routines at home O.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
O! How are you? Are you home yet? Just thinking of you.
Roll call. Hmmmm. I dunno. Day 36 of remodel. That's all going well. I'll be broke so probably have to sell my house in a few years but hey, it'll look good for a while.
I'm a total anxious Annie about the Corona Virus. Good grief. Not day to day, but just wish I didn't have to go to Cali. And I have to fly....so that sucks. But whatever. I have to see my Mom. She had a major stroke on Friday. I dunno if I mentioned that. Kinda scatter brained right now. She is in bad shape. Had to move into a skilled nursing facility which is really grim. She is separated from Dad...and the place they were in is so much nicer than the skilled nursing place according to my brother. Ah poor Mom. Why is the universe so cruel? I can't help but think, seriously? A major stroke and she has to live through this? And of course seeing her is going to be crushing. Dad is alone in the nice place and doesn't want to visit her. I mean, that's kinda mean, but he doesn't know what the hell he's doing. Ugh. Why? Honestly. Brutal stuff.
So yeah. Don't really have much to say. Very little to say about addiction. Don't know why. It's not like I don't think about my 'condition' pretty much all the time. It's my shadow.
Roll call. Hmmmm. I dunno. Day 36 of remodel. That's all going well. I'll be broke so probably have to sell my house in a few years but hey, it'll look good for a while.
I'm a total anxious Annie about the Corona Virus. Good grief. Not day to day, but just wish I didn't have to go to Cali. And I have to fly....so that sucks. But whatever. I have to see my Mom. She had a major stroke on Friday. I dunno if I mentioned that. Kinda scatter brained right now. She is in bad shape. Had to move into a skilled nursing facility which is really grim. She is separated from Dad...and the place they were in is so much nicer than the skilled nursing place according to my brother. Ah poor Mom. Why is the universe so cruel? I can't help but think, seriously? A major stroke and she has to live through this? And of course seeing her is going to be crushing. Dad is alone in the nice place and doesn't want to visit her. I mean, that's kinda mean, but he doesn't know what the hell he's doing. Ugh. Why? Honestly. Brutal stuff.
So yeah. Don't really have much to say. Very little to say about addiction. Don't know why. It's not like I don't think about my 'condition' pretty much all the time. It's my shadow.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,021
((entropy))
I wish you weren't flying, and your mom hadn't had the stroke, and whatever's going on with your dad wasn't going on. I wish life would be normal. But I guess normal for us was drunk and or using, so I guess not. I wish now that we'd worked so hard to get straight, life would be peachy.
Take care of yourself.
Hi Obladi! I hope you're doing ok
I wish you weren't flying, and your mom hadn't had the stroke, and whatever's going on with your dad wasn't going on. I wish life would be normal. But I guess normal for us was drunk and or using, so I guess not. I wish now that we'd worked so hard to get straight, life would be peachy.
Take care of yourself.
Hi Obladi! I hope you're doing ok
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Thanks Courage.
Eh normal. Overrated. Hehe.
I will probably ship the car. Not go for now. But I'm still holding to see how this whole pandemic plays out. I hope it doesn't get apocalyptic but it'll be what it'll be.
Eh normal. Overrated. Hehe.
I will probably ship the car. Not go for now. But I'm still holding to see how this whole pandemic plays out. I hope it doesn't get apocalyptic but it'll be what it'll be.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 675
I'm also concerned that we haven't heard anything from you O. Strangely a lot has been happening for me too since you went to inpatient. I don't want to be an evangelist about this "program" I'm in, and I wouldn't recommend it to everyone or even most people.. but I think it would be a good fit for you. I think we've had some conversations that have helped me uncover deeper truths about myself.. and maybe that goes both ways.
I know most people will say the abuse issue isn't relevant to your drinking.. but I happen to think it's extremely relevant. However, dealing with the individual incidents of trauma doesn't necessarily help address the larger patterns going on. Just recently in group someone said they'd set up an appointment for EMDR and it induced a panic attack.. seemingly setting them back even further. The advice given wasn't to fight through it or surrender it to a higher power, it was to slow down and accept that there's a reason the subconscious mind suppresses things.. but they will naturally come to the surface when the timing is right. So I'm learning that forcefully digging into the details of my past may not be necessary to heal from it.
I think you've given it an honest go with both AA and AVRT but seem to keep hitting a wall. For me at least, this program has offered the deeper dimensions and missing piece(s) I've needed to feel like I'm really finally making progress.
Hope to hear from you soon.
I know most people will say the abuse issue isn't relevant to your drinking.. but I happen to think it's extremely relevant. However, dealing with the individual incidents of trauma doesn't necessarily help address the larger patterns going on. Just recently in group someone said they'd set up an appointment for EMDR and it induced a panic attack.. seemingly setting them back even further. The advice given wasn't to fight through it or surrender it to a higher power, it was to slow down and accept that there's a reason the subconscious mind suppresses things.. but they will naturally come to the surface when the timing is right. So I'm learning that forcefully digging into the details of my past may not be necessary to heal from it.
I think you've given it an honest go with both AA and AVRT but seem to keep hitting a wall. For me at least, this program has offered the deeper dimensions and missing piece(s) I've needed to feel like I'm really finally making progress.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
My trauma is absolutely tied to my addiction. So its brutal to sort. I have no faith that I can ever sort my trauma. I've tried it all. I'd love to know what program you are in.
AA is re-traumatizing. I can't do it. I can attend meetings and commune. But the steps? Nope. EMDR tends to lead me back to sleep paralysis, for some reason. And those episodes are traumatizing in themselves. Counselors, one on one, generally aren't effective. Group therapy is probably where it's at.
I dunno. I just keep pushing it farther away and hope it doesn't take over. Never know how long the dam will hold tho.
O, sending you good wishes.
AA is re-traumatizing. I can't do it. I can attend meetings and commune. But the steps? Nope. EMDR tends to lead me back to sleep paralysis, for some reason. And those episodes are traumatizing in themselves. Counselors, one on one, generally aren't effective. Group therapy is probably where it's at.
I dunno. I just keep pushing it farther away and hope it doesn't take over. Never know how long the dam will hold tho.
O, sending you good wishes.
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