Hawkeye13

I just reread my post and I want to make clear that by my statement "driving when drinking" I did not mean I would operate a car intoxicated.

What I meant was while I still drank alcohol, I had anxiety driving even when sober.

Now that I don't drink, that anxiety (even over large bridges) is essentially gone.

Sorry for the ambiguous statement in that post.

DayTrader

Physically - I'd say about 70% of the "symptoms" went away slowly over time. The other 30%, I had some work to put into their removal. And the 70% that went away slowly - most of those began to get fixed more quickly as I engaged actively in my recovery vs not drinking and waiting.

Mentally - Same as above but the %'s are reversed. about 30% went away over time / 70% needed some very definite attention and action.

Spiritually - I'm tempted to say 100% but it's probably somewhat more like 90% needed attention, work and change...... 10% maybe went away on their own over time.

Rockbottom1964

Thanks, everyone for your input and advice. And your positiveness.
I think what bothers me most is my mental health ; the "knowing" that my brain isn't doing what I expect of it as well as it should. Or as well as it used to. I have small memory lapses - like forgetting whether I closed a tap or switched of the pool-pump. As well as slight wooziness sometimes, and sort of waking up and realizing I've just lost a few minutes...but not really sure where.
Then again - I don't really know if it's alcohol-abuse and/or withdrawal related, or just because I'm getting older? I hope it's the former and that my mental health will also fully repair itself with time...

August252015

So, to this. First, I get it. Second - a month(ish) in, where I think you are, this was a huge deal. And DT hit on the process, def with a "better" ratio than I had at first.

Aphasia terrified me. Wondering if I'd ever be smart again. Things that had always been my transactional language and best known attributes...would they be gone forever? Turns out, no. But y'know, I had a very high level of intelligence and now I'm just a smart cookie. So, yeah, I lost something - I know that in my gut. But I could have lost it ALL even if I had lived.

Mental health...that's a big part of my journey and story. My first symptoms of bipolar came out in just a couple of incidents in my early 20s, as is typical. In my late 20s, there is one very important day in my life that I did something awful to my family and I still simply cannot remember what led up to that action. In the last days of my drinking, I fit the description for BPD to almost every criteria.

In a nutshell, very little of those behaviors or conditions are present now. BUT. Like my alcoholism, I have wiring that is just...different than "norm." So I deal with it w psychiatrist checkups and med balance, every 3 mo. It's become a basic part of my life package.

Full disclosure? I had a blackout day 2 wks ago. I did a podcast interview that I absolutely cannot remember. It's out on Sat and tbh I am nervous to hear it- tho I also know my facility for autopilot so it could sound "fine." I wasn't drinking and I don't *think* I took too many of my anxiety meds. I have told my husband, and we've talked about two or three times over the holidays that I don't remember- or didn't right away- something we did like use the new steamer that I got us for Christmas. This is all stuff I have to deal with, which brings me to -

All of this takes time, and a lot more conversation than I could put in here. It's worth whatever we need to do, starting with accepting that we've got xyz at our feet, so we can live our best lives.

August252015

OH. Duh. I should add that spiritually, I am in a really good place. Perhaps that sounds odd given what I said about the recent lapses but it's what I am centering on now as part of my solution. Those muscles in recovery are what's guiding me - and I've got specific action (like AA step 3) to get my immediate attention.

Vino88

I think it is drug-related. I have also experienced a lot of brain fog. I am in the middle of my first sober week and I feel sleepy, anxious, full of brain fog, disoriented, and not myself at all. I also don't know where I put my keys. Luckily this time no shakes.

From my previous experience I know that it will ease with time. I don't remember how long but I know for sure that the fog eventually lifts.

Rockbottom1964

Thank you, August, for the lift-me-up. It makes me heart-sick to think I will never be (totally) the same as I was before I began boozing again in 2013 - after a twelve year break of NO alcohol whatsoever.
I'm a writer (who hopes to get back with it) and write that string of best-sellers I have always promised myself. Thing is - when I was sober (very seldom), I could write but the imagination sometimes let me down (or so I thought); and when I was drunk (95% of the time), the imagination ran away with me but I couldn't get it down on paper...
Right now - the last 48 days (sober) - I've been procrastinating, and the reason for that is exactly what they say is the biggest reason for procrastination: "Fear of Failure..."

August252015

^I write too and it took me til 6 mo to start the current blog I love. My creativity has had a lull sometimes, but on NYD I went ahead and "wrote it anyway" as they say, to get going. Just remember you are v early days!

rharman