How do you feel after relapsing?
 

Hi!

I have noticed that when I drink after having some sober days, alcohol just taste disgusting. Being drunk feels so unnatural and I get very angry, upset. I relapsed yesterday and after a few drinks my stomach started to hurt (heatburn), I started to feel sleepy, unmotivated and look forward to being sober again. And of course super pissed about everything.

It is just not worth it.

Anyone else?

In my mid 30's that was how I felt each time I strung together a few days or weeks, even a few months on occasion.

But always ended up back at it again and then the guilt, shame, remorse eating me up so bad, it didn't matter how much I drank, the old enjoyment never came back.

Nevertheless, I should have but didn't get any help with it, I just battled on, convinced I could do it by myself, too ashamed to get to AA, too embarrassed to talk to anyone and not prepared to pay ten grand or more for rehab.

Then came the resignation, that I'd tried so hard, but couldn't get it and feeling like this was how it was all going to end, I wasn't going to make old bones.

God knows that was one of the darkest moments of my life, but really I hadn't exhausted all avenues at all.

I'd just thrown my will power at it.

The last time I drank, 16 months ago :) was not fun at all. I was hanging on to the fantasy that drinking was fun and relaxing, this is long after booze had taken everything dear to me. The fantasy is what kept me drinking, ya know, those fancy commercials showing beautiful people drinking beautiful cocktails?? LOL, how about a commercial showing a drunk spending the night with their head in the toilet.....that's reality!

Do you still fantasize about booze? Do a reality check!!

You can end this vicious cycle. :grouphug:

I wish everyone who put down the drink their
last time would never pick up again as it hurts
me so to hear or read of so many who decide
to go back out to test the waters to see if its
safe to drink again.

For me and many who have learned how to reman
sober living our daily lives incorporating lots of tools ,
resources and knowledge of addiction and recovery in
our daily affairs have not gone back out to test the
alcohol waters because we hear and read from many
who have.

For each one going out and hoping they return, can
testify to us that alcohol is still alive and well, never
slowing down and taking folks out more and more
each time. Relentless.

In hearing or reading this, stops me right in my thoughts
and actions and keeps me ground and even more sure of
myself and where I am in my own recovery life. In my own
responsibility to stay sober no matter what.

Ive been on that roller coaster ride, that merry go round
of insanity yrs ago vowing never to get on it again, but then
to only fail until I entered recovery and picked up the tools
available to me to help me avoid the pitfalls of alcohol addiction.

No one ever has to return to the drink once they
get into recovery and build themselves a strong
solid foundation to live upon for yrs to come putting
the plug in the jug once a for all.

Agreed.

Yes, that exact feeling, Vino. To the point where I would only start to "enjoy" drinking once I had a base level of alcohol in my system from the night before. Which shows how utterly perverse and unsustainable the practice is. Day 45 here and feeling strong.

Pretty awful the times I wanted to stay sober at the start. Then the last few years I was bingeing on and off so wouldn't have considered myself in recovery even when I was sober. I didn't have an intention of staying stopped until 8 months ago.

How do you feel after relapsing?

I’m not in favor of it. :lmao

I was a constant relapser for years, and each time I felt absolutely gutted afterwards. I don't know how I let myself just suffer that way - I think I just hated myself that much. That's the insanity of addiction.

I always at first felt amazed I did it to myself yet again.

Then self-loathing and regret.

Then hopeless sadness.


That usually triggered desire for more alcohol to drown the pain.

What a self-defeating and tragic cycle. . .