SpankedbyLife

Haven't been posting for a long time because I've been too embarrassed at what a loser I am. Almost 3 years since my last ER visit and yet I still drink anywhere from 6 units on a good night to 21 on other days. Some how I don't have WD symptoms at all. I've stayed sober for a max of 18 hours due to work and if I was going to have WD it always started within 10 hours. I want to quit drinking, I really do even though my actions say otherwise. I haven't found any local programs that actually help.

Hangovers make work so much harder now that I'm a dog groomer and have to fight horrible behaving dogs at 9 am, lol. My house isn't as clean as I would like because when I'm drinking I'm too lazy to do dishes\clean. My dogs don't get walked like they used to. I'm fat and overweight and yet every morning I set my sober time and say I won't drink anymore I end up stopping at the store for vodka on my way home from work.

Dee74

I'm glad you decided to post again SBL.

I think if you're having concerns about withdrawal a Dr is probably you're best first port of call.

After that, I guess its down to what you're prepared to do - some people go to AA or some other meeting based group, some go to some kind of rehab..some find posting here daily helps?

I know you've had all these suggestions before but I found over time my desperation led me to consider things I wouldn't have considered at the beginning.

It comes down to how much you're prepared to work to make changes.

D

SpankedbyLife

My Dr won't help, he just repeats his normal go to the hospital line. The local place that wasn't AA let people drink beer during the meetings which I found just making me want to drink afterwards. The psych there also laughed at me when I said I had problems resisting the alcohol store at my street corner, he also said something along the lines of " you must not being trying hard." I might try that place again since they did send me a letter saying he is no longer with the group, no reason given why.

AA here didn't help at all, its very religious in my area so I think this group is my best bet and I need to make myself stay active! I just need to fight my cravings after work and drive straight home =\ Right now I don't get WD effects probably because I'm on a beta blocker known as Propranolol for my tremors that aren't alcohol related.

Dee74

well I got sober bu using SR for help. I really wanted change. If you really want it too, you can do it.

Its a little short term pain for long term gain.

Much better for your dogs too - I really regret I was not doing the best by my pets, as a drinker.

D

SpankedbyLife

Not just my dogs but my pet family has grown to include 8 ferrets and a guinea pig! I also have a cat but shes 12 and evil -_- I leave food out for her and we ignore each other.

SpankedbyLife

I work 9-5 tomorrow and will be out of boozes after tonight. I'm going to try my hardest to avoid the stores and will update if I fail or not tomorrow in this thread =\ I hope I can say that I'm going to be 24+ hours sober for the first time in years.

Dee74

I think you can do this

D

Obladi

Hey, SpankedByLife!

I'm can relate to being embarrassed about coming back. It's hard, right But you know what? This place doesn't stay in business because everyone gets it right on their first or even their 100th go. It's the nature of the beast.

As a constant quitter in both directions (quit drinking, then quit quitting over and over again), might I suggest that you forget everything you already "know?" You're not the same person you were a couple of years ago or even a couple of months ago. Try old stuff again. Try new stuff. Try things in a different way. Like for instance...

- Keep posting here. Do it daily. We'll be here.
- Go to a different doctor. Think about finding one who specializes in addiction. I went to an addictions program at an academic medical center. They matched me up with a therapist and a psychiatrist and that was a very good thing indeed.
- Find a different group then the one where they let you drink and the psych doctor laughed you out the door. What the heck is that anyway? Sounds ridiculous. Maybe look for an IOP?
- I saved the "worst" for last because you'll probably have a knee-jerk reaction just like I did time and time again: Give AA another try. An honest open-minded try. The kind of try where you go to multiple meetings in multiple locations. You might be surprised at what you find if you really want it.

O

nez

Nothing to be embarrassed about, lots of people here have been there and done that whatever it is. Don't mean to burst your bubble...but you ain't terminally unique. You are one of us. The good news, we are your new best friends. The bad news, we are your new best friends. :~)

The first time I went cold turkey, I had a seizure from acute alcohol withdrawal. Almost impaled myself through my eye socket on a wrought iron fence. Ambulance ride to ER, IVs in the arms, pumped full of drugs, the full enchilada. Two weeks later, I was back to drinking.

If there is a possibility of a seizure, it is not be taken lightly, they can be deadly unless prompt medical attention is received. I didn't share this to frighten you, just to make sure you know the potential reality and to let you know that you are not alone, you are among friends that understand.

My first three years were a vicious cycle of the hell of sobering up for two weeks, feeling fixed up and being all better, so back to drinking for two weeks until the hell of drinking overtook me and I would sober up again. Repeat the cycle...again and again... and so on. You are not alone, you are among friends that understand.

I know that I am not the only one that has been through this, but I also know that I am not the only one that has embraced recovery. Recovery can be yours as well. You are surrounded with people with the same experiences, hope, and that are pursuing a better way of life. We help each other. That is what recovery is all about!

Delilah1

Glad you came back! I joined SR in 2012, and finally made sobriety stick starting January 1, 2016. I am so glad I kept coming back here.

I found that focusing on recovery vs. “I can’t drink,” to be really helpful. I was doing things to make my physical and emotional health better.

Things that helped me:
-Reading and posting daily on SR
-I joined the January of 2016 class, and having the support of others at the same point in their recovery journey really helped.
-I check in on the 24 Hour Recovery Thread Daily, I feel so fortunate to have made great friends through posting there.
-I get out for a walk every day, something about the combination of exercise and nature really helps.
-I read lots of books about recovery, and learned something from each of the stories. There is a sticky in the Newcomer’s Forum that lists a ton of recovery books.
-I’ve worked really hard to remain in the present moment, I sue breathing and other mindfulness techniques, as well as walking to help ground me there. This is one I still need to work on.
-I practice gratitude, no matter how bad a day/situation may seem there is always something to be grateful for.
-Laughter, it can usually make any situation better.

You can do this, but you do need a plan. Start by reading around on here for ideas, and check in each day to commit to 24 hours.

Pouncer

Hello SBL,

Welcome to SR! So glad you are here with us. There is so much love in this thread and you deserve every bit of it. I hope you stick around and let us help you through this. SR is open 24/7 and the people here have helped me through some pretty tough times. You’re among friends.

Best wishes to you for tomorrow! Please take care and see if you can find a time to see your doctor.

Dropsie

SBL,

Reading this thread made me feel so good and I hope you too.

The love and suport shown is here for you always.

For me it was about the decision -- I do not drink and I will never change my mind and accepting in my soul that I would never drink again. Once I took that decision, I found the support to maintain it.

For me, like Dee, that was this place and lots of things I did, but no in person anything.

For others, it was other things.

But we all took the decision that we were teetotallers and then did what it took for us an individuals to stay that way.

I don't believe that it takes the same for everyone, but I do believe everyone can do it, especially you.

Come here, go to meetings, check out hip sobriety, do what it takes, but you can do this thing.

But YOU have to decide that you do not drink. Its not easy, but it is simple.

We are here for you and you will find others are too. You will find your tribe. We are your tribe.

SnoozyQ

SBL hi :-)

i can tell reading betweenn the lines that you are really sick to death of this monotonous existance and you want change.

The way you are describing is just how i felt b4 i finally kicked it 14 months ago.
I used to work in dog kennels and cattery which was a dream for me working with animals.

But the hangovers, nausea and malaise took the entire enjoyment out of it .

When i gave up ( that time ) i couldnt believe how much happier i was becoming.
How i got up out of bed easily, looking forward to going in to work instead of wanting to kill for just another hung over 5 more minutes in bed.

You have the BEST job and will love it so much better sober.

Only you can help yourself and i know you really want this.

Sending love and good wishes your way xxxx

Zebra1275

I just need to fight my cravings after work and drive straight home

Willpower alone is not going to get you sober long term. And getting sober by yourself is difficult.

I finally got sober by giving up those ideas after trying them for a couple of decades.

Spend a lot of time reading on this website to figure out what a sobriety plan for yourself might look like. And expect to modify it as you go along. And don't rule out getting local face to face support from AA or some other sobriety method.

August252015

Glad you are back SBL and echo this (and what my pal O said) in particular.

One add'l idea: do you know what the actual program of AA is? What about SMART? Other programs? Lots of people talk about learning these even by reading and studying on their own is key to something "clicking." That's one way to take a step toward IRL support and perhaps embracing meetings such as AA and separating what people v practices are, as one principal explains. Ie - "religious people" aren't the program. That's likely how they apply it in their lives, which is what is suggested by the book.

A plan was crucial for me at the start, especially with basic life habits each day. A different route home, a distraction at a usual drinking time, not cooking dinner as I associated it with drinking more than eating, whatever. No option is too small if it keeps you from drinking, one tiny chunk of time throughout a day.

You can do this. I had to be the proverbial sick and tired of being (desperately!) sick and tired to quit. Best thing I have ever done.

ScottFromWI

Welcome back SBL, lots of good ideas here already. I also can admit to being a member here who was sober for a while, but went back to drinking and came back to the site dragging my tail between my legs.

You can absolutely make this the time that you get sober for good - you just need to commit to a plan and take action to follow it. The first days are rough, but it's well worth it in the long term.

Obladi

This is the greatest understatement of the millennium, and yet a truer thing has never been said. At least that's what the forecast says!

PhoenixJ

anxiousrock

Devious0ne

I can relate to everything you're saying. Today, Friday, will mark my 6th day sober.

I would drink anywhere from 12-18 beers a night, if I didn't work the next day it was 18. I knew I had a problem, I knew I needed to quit and I wanted to quit.

For me personally, and I suspect this could apply to you, I guess all along I just felt like someone could work their magic and cure me of my alcoholism. I reached out for help, and didn't get it (at least that's what I thought then), I went to the ER and felt nothing was done. It was like why is nobody getting me sober.

My last trip to the ER will be a week ago tonight at 3AM. I went, yet again, hoping someone would work some magic and cure me of my alcoholism. That didn't happen. That night, a week ago I went back to drinking, and same thing Saturday night...

Then it hit me, reality that is. There is no magic cure, I can go from doctor to doctor, message everyone and their mother saying "I have a problem", do this and that... but ultimately I am the only person who can make myself quit. Legally, doctor's can't hold me prisoner and say "no, you can't drink", same with friends and others I reached out to. They can support you, tell you what you need to do... but if you are like I was, then you'd felt like they were of no help.

The reality of this hit me, and I was already at a point where I was just sick and tired of always feeling sick and tired. I was tired of having no energy, I was tired of having no life and I accepted the reality that no matter how hard I reached out to people, or what doctor I went to... ultimately it was up to me to quit.

I think that reality is what brought me back to earth. So last Saturday night I made the decision that when I went to bed that night, the old me was going to die that night and the new me was going to wake up Sunday. And that's what happened and I haven't looked back.

Since then I went to a local clinic and the doctor there is now my primary physician (something I haven't had in years), and several blood tests have been taken and I just went back again Thursday. I opened up to him, he knows my history and he is committed to getting my health back up to par and doing an overall health check (heart and all that).

For whatever reason, because of that realization Saturday night, for the first time in years I actually am caring about my health and now on the right track. I know I have a long road ahead of me, but I'm committed and I'm not looking back. As far as I'm concerned, the old me IS dead.

So really, I think the sooner you realize it's ultimately up to you to make the decision to quit and take that step, the better off you'll be. You can go to AA, you can go to the ER, or go from doctor to doctor begging for help... but ultimately you're the one who has to stop drinking. When you quit drinking, then you'll get the support from your doctors and AA to see you through sobriety.