Why not?!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Why not?!
I had a huge disagreement with my mom and sister and would kill for a drink. I thought I was past this. I also got a passport photo today where I felt like I looked 65. Not bad if I’m 65, but I’m 43. Normally I wouldn’t be so superficial (I mean, does anyone like their passport photos?!?!). It just made me feel older than my years and tired and deserving of a drink. Wtf. Both make me feel like f-it. WHY NOT?!?!? But I know, I’m playing the tape.....
addiction sucks. 24 hours ago I thought I was easy-breezy past this. Now I’d kill for a drink.
addiction sucks. 24 hours ago I thought I was easy-breezy past this. Now I’d kill for a drink.
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Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 517
No good mate 😣 sucks when this happens.
Yep, it's a nasty beast of a thing and can come out of nowhere when we least expect.
Get to safety away from any booze.
Call someone.
Read some more of SR threads.
Get to an AA meeting perhaps ?
Whatever it takes !!!
Yep, it's a nasty beast of a thing and can come out of nowhere when we least expect.
Get to safety away from any booze.
Call someone.
Read some more of SR threads.
Get to an AA meeting perhaps ?
Whatever it takes !!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Thank you Tetrax/Derringer. I started to scare myself. I literally was checking my phone apps to see if I still had my minibar delivery one. I was just checking out of curiosity, which is screwed up. I keep thinking, maybe It’s okay to drink. But it helps me to remind myself that I already ran this experiment many times in the past. It never works out.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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Yeah I also had a huge disagreement with my mom and sister over the holidays and it was rough. I thought I was past the dramatic family soap opera episodes but that hasn't been the case.
Just breathe through it, do something else to pamper yourself.. Limit family time in the future if necessary. You'll be ok!
Just breathe through it, do something else to pamper yourself.. Limit family time in the future if necessary. You'll be ok!
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Originally Posted by Cosima11 
Yeah I also had a huge disagreement with my mom and sister over the holidays and it was rough. I thought I was past the dramatic family soap opera episodes but that hasn't been the case.
Just breathe through it, do something else to pamper yourself.. Limit family time in the future if necessary. You'll be ok!
Just breathe through it, do something else to pamper yourself.. Limit family time in the future if necessary. You'll be ok!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Originally Posted by anxiousrock
Sorry to hear you had a bad day. I hope you can work through it without alcohol. A meeting would be a good idea, or maybe something like painting? I know that helps me de-stress 
.
.Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,033
Hey Sohard,
I think because you don't drink and you're never going to change your mind?
Great job coming here to rant.
Stomp your feet as much as you like. You're entitled.
Also, everyone is allowed a moment (or 1000 moments) of weakness. Doesn't matter in the least as long as you don't drink, which you didn't. So give yourself a break. In fact, give yourself a big old pat on the back. Break out the ice cream, plan to get your nails done tomorrow, buy something online, dance a jig. You did good, girl.
After you're done celebrating, let's not forget to problem-solve the problem at hand. It really got under your skin, so let's take a page from my recent lesson book and see what can be done about that, practically speaking and/or at the "feelings" level.
xo
O
I think because you don't drink and you're never going to change your mind?
Great job coming here to rant.
Stomp your feet as much as you like. You're entitled.
Also, everyone is allowed a moment (or 1000 moments) of weakness. Doesn't matter in the least as long as you don't drink, which you didn't. So give yourself a break. In fact, give yourself a big old pat on the back. Break out the ice cream, plan to get your nails done tomorrow, buy something online, dance a jig. You did good, girl.
After you're done celebrating, let's not forget to problem-solve the problem at hand. It really got under your skin, so let's take a page from my recent lesson book and see what can be done about that, practically speaking and/or at the "feelings" level.
xo
O
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Originally Posted by Obladi
Hey Sohard,
I think because you don't drink and you're never going to change your mind?
Great job coming here to rant.
Stomp your feet as much as you like. You're entitled.
Also, everyone is allowed a moment (or 1000 moments) of weakness. Doesn't matter in the least as long as you don't drink, which you didn't. So give yourself a break. In fact, give yourself a big old pat on the back. Break out the ice cream, plan to get your nails done tomorrow, buy something online, dance a jig. You did good, girl.
After you're done celebrating, let's not forget to problem-solve the problem at hand. It really got under your skin, so let's take a page from my recent lesson book and see what can be done about that, practically speaking and/or at the "feelings" level.
xo
O
I think because you don't drink and you're never going to change your mind?
Great job coming here to rant.
Stomp your feet as much as you like. You're entitled.
Also, everyone is allowed a moment (or 1000 moments) of weakness. Doesn't matter in the least as long as you don't drink, which you didn't. So give yourself a break. In fact, give yourself a big old pat on the back. Break out the ice cream, plan to get your nails done tomorrow, buy something online, dance a jig. You did good, girl.
After you're done celebrating, let's not forget to problem-solve the problem at hand. It really got under your skin, so let's take a page from my recent lesson book and see what can be done about that, practically speaking and/or at the "feelings" level.
xo
O
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,803
Man all that sucks, sorry to hear . I don’t know about sounding like a weird dog person , but you do sound like a dog person
Wanting to isn’t the worst thing in the world, doing it would be .
I
C
E
C
R
E
A
M
And breathe
As always Rootin for ya
Wanting to isn’t the worst thing in the world, doing it would be .
I
C
E
C
R
E
A
M
And breathe
As always Rootin for ya
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
I get the dog thing.
My tiny dog just died. Weeks later, I’ve adopted another little chihuahua mix. He is the sweetest little nine pound boy.
Dogs really, really help in sobriety especially in social situations.
Has your sister explained why your dog isn’t welcome? Anything? Pee accident, barking, not getting along with her dogs, etc? I’d be irritated. I can’t imagine what the problem is if it’s a pet friendly household. I always tended to just bring my tiny one without asking because she was barely noticed, my nine pound boy I might need to start asking.
I’m sorry. I’d probably have another chat with her about it. I know why it’s important to you.
My tiny dog just died. Weeks later, I’ve adopted another little chihuahua mix. He is the sweetest little nine pound boy.
Dogs really, really help in sobriety especially in social situations.
Has your sister explained why your dog isn’t welcome? Anything? Pee accident, barking, not getting along with her dogs, etc? I’d be irritated. I can’t imagine what the problem is if it’s a pet friendly household. I always tended to just bring my tiny one without asking because she was barely noticed, my nine pound boy I might need to start asking.
I’m sorry. I’d probably have another chat with her about it. I know why it’s important to you.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,033
Ok if we're gonna start problem-solving, I'm up for that. Another discussion about bringing the pup to Sister's home (calm, lead with your feelings, Sohard) is definitely in order.
Other practical thoughts:
1. Can everyone come to your place for MLK?
2. Could you skip this holiday and stay home?
3. Is it commutable? Could you drive up for a few hours for a couple of the days
4. Could you stay in a hotel?
5. How about if the pup hangs out in the car (I don't know where you are, so don't know if weather would permit that) and you visit him often? Poor option, maybe - I'm just brainstorming. Combo of 4 & 5 could work...
Another discussion about bringing the pup to Sister's home (calm, lead with your feelings, Sohard) is definitely in order. Other practical thoughts:
1. Can everyone come to your place for MLK?
2. Could you skip this holiday and stay home?
3. Is it commutable? Could you drive up for a few hours for a couple of the days
4. Could you stay in a hotel?
5. How about if the pup hangs out in the car (I don't know where you are, so don't know if weather would permit that) and you visit him often? Poor option, maybe - I'm just brainstorming. Combo of 4 & 5 could work...
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Originally Posted by Obladi
Ok if we're gonna start problem-solving, I'm up for that. Another discussion about bringing the pup to Sister's home (calm, lead with your feelings, Sohard) is definitely in order.
Other practical thoughts:
1. Can everyone come to your place for MLK?
2. Could you skip this holiday and stay home?
3. Is it commutable? Could you drive up for a few hours for a couple of the days
4. Could you stay in a hotel?
5. How about if the pup hangs out in the car (I don't know where you are, so don't know if weather would permit that) and you visit him often? Poor option, maybe - I'm just brainstorming. Combo of 4 & 5 could work...
Another discussion about bringing the pup to Sister's home (calm, lead with your feelings, Sohard) is definitely in order.Other practical thoughts:
1. Can everyone come to your place for MLK?
2. Could you skip this holiday and stay home?
3. Is it commutable? Could you drive up for a few hours for a couple of the days
4. Could you stay in a hotel?
5. How about if the pup hangs out in the car (I don't know where you are, so don't know if weather would permit that) and you visit him often? Poor option, maybe - I'm just brainstorming. Combo of 4 & 5 could work...
1. I travel to my sister bc my 80 year old mom (who lives in a non pet friendly condo) lives by her and can’t travel. So, they definitely can’t come to me.
2. I’m planning to skip MLK now. But, the same problem will exist whenever I’d like to come see both my mom and sister/niece/nephew. I don’t want to feel held back from family bc of a dog who I love, who is harmless, who has helped me get and stay sober.
3. Not commutable. A few states are between us.
4. Yes on hotel. But then screw it, why am I making such an effort?! I should get welcomed in their freaking home, to spend time with my niece and nephew and sister, and not shoved to a hotel bc of a DOG (and it’s nothing to do with the dog, it’s all my crazy brother in law).
My only option (as I see it) is to accept the situation as is. It’s just infuriating and wrong.
I know, people have much worse things to be upset about. Like, I could be my sister and married to my brother-in-law. Shudder.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 7,323
With my family, I've learnt there is no winner or loser. We all lose. By this I mean, with the passage of time, these arguments become irrelevant and we become more distant. I try my best to let bygones be bygones for the sake of not cutting off ties completely.
If it was me, I would rather spend time with my dog rather than difficult relatives. Over time, these relatives will outlive my dog. And they will forget. My dog doesnt care what I look like
If it was me, I would rather spend time with my dog rather than difficult relatives. Over time, these relatives will outlive my dog. And they will forget. My dog doesnt care what I look like
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,033
Lost my post so I must not supposed to be trying to be wise yet.
Let me just say for now that accepting might be the only option, but if that's the case, maybe we can figure out a way to get rid of the infuriating and wrong part.
Also, if you tell your sister how hurtful this is to you, is there any chance she'll tell you straight up what the deal is and help you figure out a more palatable solution?
I'm off to bed, but I'll check you out tomorrow.
xo
O
Let me just say for now that accepting might be the only option, but if that's the case, maybe we can figure out a way to get rid of the infuriating and wrong part.
Also, if you tell your sister how hurtful this is to you, is there any chance she'll tell you straight up what the deal is and help you figure out a more palatable solution?
I'm off to bed, but I'll check you out tomorrow.
xo
O
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,161
Good for you girl, so proud of you!
I had a really bad day over the holidays and had the same give me a scotch thoughts, which I thought were truly long gone.
Always serves to remind me that I am addicted, else why would I automatically think of a drink so many years later when the sh$t hits the fan.
On the merits, now I see what is going on maybe a bit with your last mention of her husband, which explains some cause otherwise she was being way out of line.
I have been married to the difficult dude that everyone had to tiptoe around and am now dealing with the same in my sister in law.
It stinks, but it was very hard for me to disobey himself without huge issues for me and my daughter, so I was grateful when people understood. They did not like it, nor should they, but they saw I was in a bind.
I would still be pissed as hell, but if possible would try to take one for the team and see whether there are things you could do going forward to manage around him.
Why do people have to be jerks?
I had a really bad day over the holidays and had the same give me a scotch thoughts, which I thought were truly long gone.
Always serves to remind me that I am addicted, else why would I automatically think of a drink so many years later when the sh$t hits the fan.
On the merits, now I see what is going on maybe a bit with your last mention of her husband, which explains some cause otherwise she was being way out of line.
I have been married to the difficult dude that everyone had to tiptoe around and am now dealing with the same in my sister in law.
It stinks, but it was very hard for me to disobey himself without huge issues for me and my daughter, so I was grateful when people understood. They did not like it, nor should they, but they saw I was in a bind.
I would still be pissed as hell, but if possible would try to take one for the team and see whether there are things you could do going forward to manage around him.
Why do people have to be jerks?
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Thinks Obladi/Dropsie.
I tried talking to my sister. She can’t hear me. I think she’s in self protection mode and would rather not face who she is married to. I get it.
and yes, the world would be better without the jerks.
I tried talking to my sister. She can’t hear me. I think she’s in self protection mode and would rather not face who she is married to. I get it.
and yes, the world would be better without the jerks.
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Originally Posted by Sohard
Thank you Tetrax/Derringer. I started to scare myself. I literally was checking my phone apps to see if I still had my minibar delivery one. I was just checking out of curiosity, which is screwed up. I keep thinking, maybe It’s okay to drink. But it helps me to remind myself that I already ran this experiment many times in the past. It never works out.
Entertaining thoughts or even taking the steps to drink isn't strange- but also stuff we learn to fight and redirect. Every day isn't perfect and regrouping has been my best bet for handling this junk.
Keep going. Life gets so much better, easier more frequently, and I have (mostly!) learned to take the bad with the good that outweighs it.
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
Whenever I get to where I would kill for a drink, I just remember that a drink would kill. I have done it enough times to realize that for this alcoholic, it is the truth.
When my mother was passing and I was her care giver, I had to take good hard look at personalities, interactions, and how it effected me. The personalities involved were my sister and my brother in law. I allowed it to get ugly for me for a while. People were not behaving up to my standards. I was the equivalent of my two year old self standing in the corner the corner, crying, stamping my feet, and throwing a tantrum. Things were not going the way I thought they should.
Until I realized that I could not change personalities my chances at serenity were nil. I was expecting people to be what I wanted them to be, which is sheer folly because they can only be what they are.
It was not an easy pill to swallow, but it restored my serenity. I let go of my ego that wanted things to be the way I wanted it to be. This allowed my two year to come out of the corner and become the man that I wanted to be.
When my mother was passing and I was her care giver, I had to take good hard look at personalities, interactions, and how it effected me. The personalities involved were my sister and my brother in law. I allowed it to get ugly for me for a while. People were not behaving up to my standards. I was the equivalent of my two year old self standing in the corner the corner, crying, stamping my feet, and throwing a tantrum. Things were not going the way I thought they should.
Until I realized that I could not change personalities my chances at serenity were nil. I was expecting people to be what I wanted them to be, which is sheer folly because they can only be what they are.
It was not an easy pill to swallow, but it restored my serenity. I let go of my ego that wanted things to be the way I wanted it to be. This allowed my two year to come out of the corner and become the man that I wanted to be.
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