Arthox

*Sorry in advance for the scattered, half-conscious thoughts*

I haven't drank in a long time, and every time I have relapsed, I don't fall down the rabbit hole. I'm just worried I'm replacing the void alcoholism has left with other, unhealthy vices. Sure, I'm exercising, eating healthy, taking vitamins and drinking water and all that, but I'm also playing video games like 18 hours a day which is unhealthy. Just like I learned to tell my brain not to drink, I've also taught my brain to say no to being unconscious. I sleep for 4 hours tops, and then *POP*, wide awake again. And then I play more video games. When I start to get burnt out on the one I can play for 5 hours straight, I listen to music and go on a walk, or cook, but when I'm doing those I'm usually also gaming. And when I take a break from gaming it's to play another game that's more focused on quick reflexes and communication rather than math and memorization. Sometimes I play both at once, while watching cam girls and discovering new music or reading. I've become addicted to black coffee and Cherry Pepsi and I can't stop eating. Especially saltine crackers and Jolly Ranchers. I'm just eating for fun, but I'm not gaining any weight. It's all healthy meals I cook for myself and my metabolism is stupid fast. I've got a pretty active social life, and I make sure I pay exclusive attention to the people I'm around and don't take out my phone. I'm spending all day tomorrow with friends. We're gonna go on a hike and do some shopping. Maybe go to a meeting of some sort because I'm trying to get one of my friends to go, and he doesn't realize that he needs help.

I feel numb, but also like I feel too much. My body's trembling in a really bad way right now from sleep deprivation and physical exhaustion, but I also have Bob Marley looping through my head and I feel happy. I don't know. Gonna drink copious amounts of iced tea and hypnotize myself with games while I wait for the rest of the world to wake up.