silentrun

My daughter is 23 and lives out of state. She is home for the holidays.

I was driving with my daughter yesterday and she started talking about things. She brought up her most regrettable thing from high school and it was the night she got caught drunk at a dance. Then she said, "but I can't regret it because it got you to stop drinking."

So nearly 7 years later we had a real talk about my alcoholism and my worries for her. I tried previously but it wasn't of interest to her. She regrets "being mean" to me. She wasn't ever mean to me. She wasn't ever responsible for me but SHE had regrets! She thinks she should have been more supportive. I'm so glad she brought it up. I've always worried about how it affected her. I thought maybe I normalized the behavior and was worried about that. I never imagined she felt somewhat responsible over it.

faith823

Hi Silent run,

That is very healthy and positive to be able to have a discussion regarding the past around your alcoholism. I think in a -round-about way she is acknowledging she didn't understand it and was mad/frustrated at the alcoholic behavior. It also demonstrates how grateful and proud of you she is now. I think it is normal and humanizing when healthy teens mature into adulthood to reconcile a there emotions, regrets and how they dealt with issues in their life. I remember being very emotional, regretting and lashing out at my Mom for incidents I had no control of. Regardless of the situation.
Congrats on your sobriety and having the love and openess with
your daughter to discuss overcoming your alcoholism.
Happy New Year:gro uphug::gro uphug:

silentrun

Thank you Faith. She's 23 now and one of her friends is showing the signs of alcoholism. She wanted to know how to handle it. I recognize her feeling responsible as a touch of codependency. Being the codependent was my role and I've worked through a lot of that so I was able to relate and also pass along what I've learned.

Soberwolf

Your daughter is 23 ? I'm 37 I thought you were my age silentrun it's so good to see you

I kinda went through this with my 24yo niece

silentrun

I was one of those "wine moms" only I was a whiskey mom. I didn't start abusing alcohol until my 30s. It took 10 years between 1st blackout (when I realized something had changed) at 34 until 44 when I was about to pass into end-stage alcoholism. She was 6 when this all started. I turned her mother into a clinically depressed mess. The last 2 years were sheer hell for me and I'm sure for her too.