Two years later....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 307
Two years later....
Well, here I am back after two more years of on-off binging, following another four years (six years in total). Two years ago, I was on SR almost every day (under another name), and once had almost two months under my belt. But then I began listening to the old AV – and believing him – and went back to what I did best: DRINK.
Now, two years later, I am back, but much, much worse off than I was back then. I have lost my business, gotten divorced, lost my townhouse, sold my car, sold everything I could, with the intention to start fresh somewhere else. But still I kept drinking, averaging almost a bottle (750ml) of Scotch a day. Five or six a week. OK, I took lots of breaks while on the binge – 2 days, 3, sometimes 4, but then the AV and my body told me all is fine, and – although I knew I was killing myself – went back to the drink.
Which brings me to my present situation. I’m a 55 year old male, who now lives with his father and stepmother, 78 and 63 years old. Both hard-line alcoholics, to the tune of a bottle or more of brandy a day. To make it worse, there are two more houses on our stand, both occupied by family (one with 4 adults, one with 2), and they also, are extremely heavy drinkers, all of them brandy and coke fans. My father cannot handle more than two drinks before he starts screaming at the stepmom (I think his liver is totally shot), and she screams and swears back. They start at three in the afternoon – sometimes earlier – by five they can hardly talk, and by six in the evening the old man is already in bed, passed out. Stepmom normally follows about an hour later. The quiet is Heaven… Yesterday afternoon, (Christmas), the stepmom fell in the kitchen ( she began drinking as soon as she came back from an early church service – about 7 am), and promptly went to sleep right there on the floor. Her son and his wife (who lives in one of the houses) had to come help her up, all of them totally blotto…
Me? Well, I’ve begun writing again in the hope of making enough money (I’ve published before) to get out of this hell I find myself in. Better still – even though I’m surrounded by heavy drinkers – alcoholics like me - today is my day 15 without a drink, the longest I’ve gone in two years. And I don’t EVER want to go back…
Now, two years later, I am back, but much, much worse off than I was back then. I have lost my business, gotten divorced, lost my townhouse, sold my car, sold everything I could, with the intention to start fresh somewhere else. But still I kept drinking, averaging almost a bottle (750ml) of Scotch a day. Five or six a week. OK, I took lots of breaks while on the binge – 2 days, 3, sometimes 4, but then the AV and my body told me all is fine, and – although I knew I was killing myself – went back to the drink.
Which brings me to my present situation. I’m a 55 year old male, who now lives with his father and stepmother, 78 and 63 years old. Both hard-line alcoholics, to the tune of a bottle or more of brandy a day. To make it worse, there are two more houses on our stand, both occupied by family (one with 4 adults, one with 2), and they also, are extremely heavy drinkers, all of them brandy and coke fans. My father cannot handle more than two drinks before he starts screaming at the stepmom (I think his liver is totally shot), and she screams and swears back. They start at three in the afternoon – sometimes earlier – by five they can hardly talk, and by six in the evening the old man is already in bed, passed out. Stepmom normally follows about an hour later. The quiet is Heaven… Yesterday afternoon, (Christmas), the stepmom fell in the kitchen ( she began drinking as soon as she came back from an early church service – about 7 am), and promptly went to sleep right there on the floor. Her son and his wife (who lives in one of the houses) had to come help her up, all of them totally blotto…
Me? Well, I’ve begun writing again in the hope of making enough money (I’ve published before) to get out of this hell I find myself in. Better still – even though I’m surrounded by heavy drinkers – alcoholics like me - today is my day 15 without a drink, the longest I’ve gone in two years. And I don’t EVER want to go back…
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Hello,
Welcome back. You never have to go back to drinking! Congrats on 15 days alcohol free. I am sure you are feeling better physically. I am sorry about your family. That must be devastating for you to be around. If you have to be around it , please use it as resolve and a lesson of what alcohol can contribute to our lives. Is there a AA meeting you can find and be around people in recovery?
It looks like you are in a position like me. (I am back with my parents) I am grateful I have a place I can be and work on my recovery. If I stay sober it can only get better a day at a time from here. Please keep posting and sharing the unfolding of your new sober life!
Welcome back. You never have to go back to drinking! Congrats on 15 days alcohol free. I am sure you are feeling better physically. I am sorry about your family. That must be devastating for you to be around. If you have to be around it , please use it as resolve and a lesson of what alcohol can contribute to our lives. Is there a AA meeting you can find and be around people in recovery?
It looks like you are in a position like me. (I am back with my parents) I am grateful I have a place I can be and work on my recovery. If I stay sober it can only get better a day at a time from here. Please keep posting and sharing the unfolding of your new sober life!
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
I'm so glad you came back, Rockbottom. What a tragic tale - but (as Faith mentioned) let the drunken family members serve as your inspiration to get & stay sober. Congrats on your 15 days! A wonderful start. We know how hard it is, and we are here to listen and help.
Please post as often as needed. You know what misery lies at the bottom of that bottle of Scotch - no need to experiment ever again. Be proud!
Please post as often as needed. You know what misery lies at the bottom of that bottle of Scotch - no need to experiment ever again. Be proud!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 307
Thanks, everyone for your support and positive messages. Hevyn and Dee I remember well and have continued reading your posts and replies over the last few months - when I began realizing I had to do something drastic about my situation.
Surlyredhead; I'm lucky that way, I suppose - I've never had to go to rehab or had real trouble to stop. Day one, up to around day 10, I think, is always the most difficult. The shakes and night-sweats and bad dreams... And the always present LUST after a taste of alcohol...I don't have to tell you about them, we all go through it; but thanks God - no DT's or really bad withdrawals for me - although I'm sure, with time, if I carry on drinking, they, too, will come.
Faith and Hevyn, you're right. Just seeing my old Dad aggressive and screaming his hate and venom and every second word a swearword (he's an angry-at-life, virulent Racist), and Stepmom hopelessly and falling-over drunk on a daily basis (they don't skip a single day, believe me), helps me to not drink. I see myself - if I continue drinking - exactly like my dad in 20 years from now, and it scares me, believe me.
So...today is day 16, and today, I WILL NOT DRINK.
Surlyredhead; I'm lucky that way, I suppose - I've never had to go to rehab or had real trouble to stop. Day one, up to around day 10, I think, is always the most difficult. The shakes and night-sweats and bad dreams... And the always present LUST after a taste of alcohol...I don't have to tell you about them, we all go through it; but thanks God - no DT's or really bad withdrawals for me - although I'm sure, with time, if I carry on drinking, they, too, will come.
Faith and Hevyn, you're right. Just seeing my old Dad aggressive and screaming his hate and venom and every second word a swearword (he's an angry-at-life, virulent Racist), and Stepmom hopelessly and falling-over drunk on a daily basis (they don't skip a single day, believe me), helps me to not drink. I see myself - if I continue drinking - exactly like my dad in 20 years from now, and it scares me, believe me.
So...today is day 16, and today, I WILL NOT DRINK.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 11,351
Hi RB , to be able to get to 2 weeks 8 that roxic environment is a testament to your nature.
Is there anywhere else you could live. This sistuation is not conducive to your sobriety.
I ALWAYS wanted to publish a book, itmwas my dream.
The fact youve done it before is awesome.
Keep clocking up those days my friend and keep your nosebin that book.
Id love to read your published book if you wish to remain anon.
Totally your call of course.
Keep it up, youre awesome xxxxx
Is there anywhere else you could live. This sistuation is not conducive to your sobriety.
I ALWAYS wanted to publish a book, itmwas my dream.
The fact youve done it before is awesome.
Keep clocking up those days my friend and keep your nosebin that book.
Id love to read your published book if you wish to remain anon.
Totally your call of course.
Keep it up, youre awesome xxxxx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 307
Thanks to all of you who took the time to support/reply. Soberwolf, Sudz, SzoozyQ(I'll send you the links to my Author Page and Amazon Books), and HeadEast. I will reply to all of you once I'm allowed to PM again (after 15 posts). Have a great weekend all of you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,068
Hello RB and welcome back. Sorry for your living situation but I am going to try and put a positive spin on it if you will indulge me for a moment?
What you described is rather unpleasant. Sounds like end stage alcoholism to me. And that's the point. I can see this as a real inspiration to not drink instead of a temptation to drink. These people are miserable. For me it would be harder to not drink if I was around non-alcoholic drinkers.
Does this make any sense to you?
What you described is rather unpleasant. Sounds like end stage alcoholism to me. And that's the point. I can see this as a real inspiration to not drink instead of a temptation to drink. These people are miserable. For me it would be harder to not drink if I was around non-alcoholic drinkers.
Does this make any sense to you?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 307
It does, sort of, AAPJ. Like I said before - I can see myself as my dad in 20 years from now. But probably even worse off, at that. At least he has money. Enough to last him and stepmom until they've drank themselves to death, at least. Me? I have nothing but the money I got for my car, which is why I have to drastically make some changes, the most important of which is to stop with the booze. Permanently this time. Today is almost gone here (South Africa) and day 17 sober with it. Tomorrow will be day 18, and then almost three weeks... Yes, I'm counting all the time...
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