Dropsie

Sass,

First holidays are so hard when we lose family we love. It makes me so sad to hear you suffering. It makes me suffer, literally.

For me, I realised a few months ago that I really am happy sometimes, and sad too. With my friend's death, more sad but I really feel it and not in a bad way. Not so healthy though me thinks as I have been trying to pretend he is not gone the last day or so which I have never done with all the losses I have had (does work sometimes though which makes the loss easier to bear).

I am not sure if its the keto or the dopamine finally adjusted after so many sober years, but its nice. Especially the happy part.

I do think we all get there eventually. To that point where we can feel again, and really do not want to drink ever. Then we need to be careful because we can forget why, but the cravings are totally gone.

I am sure that you will get there, and my feeling is that it will be in 2020. I found the difference between 2 years and 3 years big in hind sight. It was kind of physical in the sense that drinking really was no longer relevant in my day to day life. Not to say I never think about it, but never crave or even really want to drink. Its just a pleasant memory. I know its a false memory because it was never pleasant, at least not in the end, but I know that and let it pass.

I do think at least for me the sugar does not help, but you know that.

so maybe we give it another few days and hit the healthly lifestyle hard in 2020.

X