Reminder: addiction kills
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Reminder: addiction kills
We lost my brother in law last week to addiction; heroin and when he couldn’t get his hands on that, alcohol. He was found face down at a friends house.
As I watched them do last rites over his coffin, it got me thinking about the suffering of sobriety, vs the suffering of our families when they lose us to something like this. Essentially, their suffering is something we choose, every time we go back to the drug.
I take a hard line approach for myself like this, I know softer language in self talk may be better for those earlier in sobriety, but I don’t take any sh1t at this point from my addiction.
Sometimes the tone of my posts here get more blunt or more intense and that’s because my own recovery is not done. It will never be done. This is an ongoing process. And sometimes it’s easy and flows like the breeze, and sometimes, I have to slap myself silly to stay away from it.
Don’t take my posts personally, please. My posts here are a venue to keep my own self sober, which is the single most important task I have for myself, day in, day out. Staying sober is first and foremost. Any thought of drinking is swiftly dealt with. I know the sneaky f**k I’m dealing with, it’s dark and black and wants me dead.
My brother in law was a creative, handsome, genuine, artistic, super smart and charismatic person, he was a great match for my husbands beautiful and sophisticated sister. He sank gradually but surely into the hands of the beast, never really taking recovery seriously. Last ten years, he had lost his family, his home, his job, everything. He was couch surfing at a friends house when he was found dead.
If you’ve just gotten sober, take a minute to appreciate life. Us addicts: we never really know when we will see our families again after years of estrangement, and sometimes, the last time they see us is in a wooden box.
It’s not worth it, friends.
As I watched them do last rites over his coffin, it got me thinking about the suffering of sobriety, vs the suffering of our families when they lose us to something like this. Essentially, their suffering is something we choose, every time we go back to the drug.
I take a hard line approach for myself like this, I know softer language in self talk may be better for those earlier in sobriety, but I don’t take any sh1t at this point from my addiction.
Sometimes the tone of my posts here get more blunt or more intense and that’s because my own recovery is not done. It will never be done. This is an ongoing process. And sometimes it’s easy and flows like the breeze, and sometimes, I have to slap myself silly to stay away from it.
Don’t take my posts personally, please. My posts here are a venue to keep my own self sober, which is the single most important task I have for myself, day in, day out. Staying sober is first and foremost. Any thought of drinking is swiftly dealt with. I know the sneaky f**k I’m dealing with, it’s dark and black and wants me dead.
My brother in law was a creative, handsome, genuine, artistic, super smart and charismatic person, he was a great match for my husbands beautiful and sophisticated sister. He sank gradually but surely into the hands of the beast, never really taking recovery seriously. Last ten years, he had lost his family, his home, his job, everything. He was couch surfing at a friends house when he was found dead.
If you’ve just gotten sober, take a minute to appreciate life. Us addicts: we never really know when we will see our families again after years of estrangement, and sometimes, the last time they see us is in a wooden box.
It’s not worth it, friends.
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Sassy, I am so sorry for your and your family's loss.
This year I relapsed after two and a half years sober. That sobriety was the culmination of long, long fought attempts at sobriety, previously only odd days here and there, the longest being 11 days. I know, without a shadow of any doubt, I'd be dead now, if I hadn't stopped again, this time forever. I've no choice, forever it must be, For me, to drink again is to die, sooner than predestined. I must always ignore that alcohol addiction siren call.
This year I relapsed after two and a half years sober. That sobriety was the culmination of long, long fought attempts at sobriety, previously only odd days here and there, the longest being 11 days. I know, without a shadow of any doubt, I'd be dead now, if I hadn't stopped again, this time forever. I've no choice, forever it must be, For me, to drink again is to die, sooner than predestined. I must always ignore that alcohol addiction siren call.
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Originally Posted by Tatsy 
Sassy, I am so sorry for your and your family's loss.
This year I relapsed after two and a half years sober. That sobriety was the culmination of long, long fought attempts at sobriety, previously only odd days here and there, the longest being 11 days. I know, without a shadow of any doubt, I'd be dead now, if I hadn't stopped again, this time forever. I've no choice, forever it must be, For me, to drink again is to die. I must always ignore that alcohol addiction siren call.
This year I relapsed after two and a half years sober. That sobriety was the culmination of long, long fought attempts at sobriety, previously only odd days here and there, the longest being 11 days. I know, without a shadow of any doubt, I'd be dead now, if I hadn't stopped again, this time forever. I've no choice, forever it must be, For me, to drink again is to die. I must always ignore that alcohol addiction siren call.
I too will die from this if I drink, if not the next relapse, then one of the following for sure. I have no control after the first drink, that has been well established. At 2 years and change myself, relapse isn’t a option, but Tatsy...I do know how people go back out at this time, I can see it right in front of my face.
So I stay here and post.
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Sorry for your loss. I got a lot out of your thoughts on your own addiction. Very insightful.
Also, I do not take offense to you (or anyone else) when you offer blunt or intense comments. Thanks again.
Also, I do not take offense to you (or anyone else) when you offer blunt or intense comments. Thanks again.
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I didn’t even mention the most tragic part. I’m not sure anyone was sad that it happened. Most of the people closest to him, including his kids (ages 5-19) and his mom, said that mostly they felt relieved.
I think it can be hard to understand the toll years and years of addiction can take on a family.
You can keep relapsing to the point that while you’re alive and actively giving in to your addiction, people who love you have to give up on you in order to save themselves.
I think it can be hard to understand the toll years and years of addiction can take on a family.
You can keep relapsing to the point that while you’re alive and actively giving in to your addiction, people who love you have to give up on you in order to save themselves.
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Originally Posted by Stayingsassy
I didn’t even mention the most tragic part. I’m not sure anyone was sad that it happened. Most of the people closest to him, including his kids (ages 5-19) and his mom, said that mostly they felt relieved.
I think it can be hard to understand the toll years and years of addiction can take on a family.
You can keep relapsing to the point that while you’re alive and actively giving in to your addiction, people who love you have to give up on you in order to save themselves.
I think it can be hard to understand the toll years and years of addiction can take on a family.
You can keep relapsing to the point that while you’re alive and actively giving in to your addiction, people who love you have to give up on you in order to save themselves.
I bolded the last part of your quote because I think it's very insightful.
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Originally Posted by AAPJ
Sassy when read your original post in this thread the same thought came to my mind. I did not post it because I did not know your situation and did not want to lean negative. But I had a similar experience when a high school friend died from alcoholism and drug addiction in his early 40s his family reacted the same way. They were more relieved than sad. I don't blame them. We were his fun party buddy's who watched his crazy antics with amusement. Jail and institutions were a big part of his story. But the unpleasant job of cleaning up his messes fell on his family. Year after year after year. He wore them out. They had nothing left to give. As we all got older most of his party buds from high school and college concluded that his behavior was too extreme and reckless. We all stopped socializing with him. He died alone and friendless. Very sad.
I bolded the last part of your quote because I think it's very insightful.
I bolded the last part of your quote because I think it's very insightful.
I felt sad, though. I felt sad for him. That the last decade of his life he never found peace, he never got to hold his wife again, he never got another chance to be a connected dad.
In September my father in law said he was trying to get clean, and had told him he wanted to try to reconnect with his wife. I’m sure what happened is he tried, and she likely told him he needed to show over time he could be trusted.
I think this death resulted from a relapse after a period of being clean. I don’t think this was anything he thought would happen.
When I told my mom about his death? She said, “that poor, poor man.”
People connected to the addict can move on with their free lives. Addicts are in a trap, a trap that can be escaped but rarely is. The addict loses: always, unless he or she finds a permanent way out of the cycle. I know in a way nonaddicts don’t just how trapped he felt.
I say that with the full agreement that loved ones often simply have to move on.
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I'm sorry for your loss Sassy.
I know I've written about my sister's ex who died of a heroin overdose in his 20s. It's probably part of what got/kept me sober initially, things were getting bad beyond the point of hiding it, and I couldn't be another tragedy in her life (dead or alive). I've made the comparison with heroin and if anything.. it is more tragic to know someone you love is just as hopelessly addicted to a perfectly legal substance, and could spend another decade if not longer destroying their life without facing serious physical consequences. Although I don't know if I would've had another decade with the choices I was making.
Any yet, facing the holidays and my family and going back to my home state is hard. Drinking remains firmly off the table but I find myself wishing for an alternative. So thanks for your post and the reminder.. sober discomfort is always temporary and something we can survive.
I know I've written about my sister's ex who died of a heroin overdose in his 20s. It's probably part of what got/kept me sober initially, things were getting bad beyond the point of hiding it, and I couldn't be another tragedy in her life (dead or alive). I've made the comparison with heroin and if anything.. it is more tragic to know someone you love is just as hopelessly addicted to a perfectly legal substance, and could spend another decade if not longer destroying their life without facing serious physical consequences. Although I don't know if I would've had another decade with the choices I was making.
Any yet, facing the holidays and my family and going back to my home state is hard. Drinking remains firmly off the table but I find myself wishing for an alternative. So thanks for your post and the reminder.. sober discomfort is always temporary and something we can survive.
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I am sorry for your loss. Addiction doesn't discriminate. It doesn't care who it takes. You are 💯% correct.... this is a KILLER illness. I hear that alot in the rooms of AA and I am glad. I need to hear it. Thanks for sharing.
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Sorry for your loss Sassy. I've seen people die firsthand as a result of drinking too and there's really no way to make any sense out of it. Be strong and kind to yourself and peace be with you and your family during this tragedy.
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