Reminder: addiction kills
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
It's never easy to get that call or find that person who has gotten to the end of their addiction. In many ways, I imagine those who loved him may have found relief in the thought that he won't suffer anymore, except now it's theirs to suffer through.
That's what is so insidious about this illness. If it over takes the person suffering, if that person relapses, overdoses, their death may stop their own suffering, but you bet your a$$ it's now the pain of everyone who loved him.
That's most of the reason why I protect my sobriety the way I do. Call it an ego or a God complex or whatever, but I'm not gonna make those who depend on me suffer over my own selfish desire to be numb. That's as simple as it can be made for me. I go through all my paranoia, OCD, PTSD, rage, anxiety, nightmares and depression so they don't have to. This was the plot I dug for myself and it's my responsibility to make sure I do everything I can to mend as many relationships as I can before it's my time to go.
I hate addiction...I hate all of it. I hate that I was it's bit$h for so long. I hate that it's stolen very dear friends of mine and a part of my soul...pieces of myself that will never heal....all we can do to win the day; is not to pick up.... no matter what.
No matter what.
May he rest in peace and his loved ones heal.
God, I hate this f%^king disease.
That's what is so insidious about this illness. If it over takes the person suffering, if that person relapses, overdoses, their death may stop their own suffering, but you bet your a$$ it's now the pain of everyone who loved him.
That's most of the reason why I protect my sobriety the way I do. Call it an ego or a God complex or whatever, but I'm not gonna make those who depend on me suffer over my own selfish desire to be numb. That's as simple as it can be made for me. I go through all my paranoia, OCD, PTSD, rage, anxiety, nightmares and depression so they don't have to. This was the plot I dug for myself and it's my responsibility to make sure I do everything I can to mend as many relationships as I can before it's my time to go.
I hate addiction...I hate all of it. I hate that I was it's bit$h for so long. I hate that it's stolen very dear friends of mine and a part of my soul...pieces of myself that will never heal....all we can do to win the day; is not to pick up.... no matter what.
No matter what.
May he rest in peace and his loved ones heal.
God, I hate this f%^king disease.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Bulldog,
...pieces of myself aren’t going to heal, either.
It doesn’t mean I can’t live with it, I can and I will. But I’m a little broken.
I’m sure my BIL felt broken too, and many of us here recognize that feeling in sobriety, also. Wondering why we aren’t cured. Fixed.
Keeping that focus on family helps tremendously. We can be a little broken, and still manage not to inflict ourselves on family and community any more, for the rest of our lives. I’m a hundred percent convinced I can do that.
It isn’t easy, but it’s a very simple choice to make.
...pieces of myself aren’t going to heal, either.
It doesn’t mean I can’t live with it, I can and I will. But I’m a little broken.
I’m sure my BIL felt broken too, and many of us here recognize that feeling in sobriety, also. Wondering why we aren’t cured. Fixed.
Keeping that focus on family helps tremendously. We can be a little broken, and still manage not to inflict ourselves on family and community any more, for the rest of our lives. I’m a hundred percent convinced I can do that.
It isn’t easy, but it’s a very simple choice to make.
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Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 1,602
Originally Posted by Stayingsassy 
Keeping that focus on family helps tremendously. We can be a little broken, and still manage not to inflict ourselves on family and community any more, for the rest of our lives. I’m a hundred percent convinced I can do that.
.
.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by Stayingsassy
I didn’t even mention the most tragic part. I’m not sure anyone was sad that it happened. Most of the people closest to him, including his kids (ages 5-19) and his mom, said that mostly they felt relieved.
I think it can be hard to understand the toll years and years of addiction can take on a family.
You can keep relapsing to the point that while you’re alive and actively giving in to your addiction, people who love you have to give up on you in order to save themselves.
I think it can be hard to understand the toll years and years of addiction can take on a family.
You can keep relapsing to the point that while you’re alive and actively giving in to your addiction, people who love you have to give up on you in order to save themselves.
I'm not that long into sobriety but I have already seen so many people lost - and leaving so many in their wake. A few people did give up on me; it was absolutely the right thing for them to do, tho they are glad I am well now. I have been coming to terms, tho it is early in his life in years, that my step son might end up becoming a casualty and I will have distanced myself completely at a certain point.
The word HONESTY is one that I feel cannot be stressed enough. Until I was honest about everything and unless I stay that way, this disease will win.
Sending love S.
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Originally Posted by Briansy
You're very lucky, Sassy. I know life isn't always easy for you, but you seem to have a really solid immediate family in your kids and husband. That's not a small variable in the overall well being calculation for anyone. Sorry, not directly relevant to the thread, just a bit of an aside. No doubt that this aspect is helping to keep you sober too but that is absolutely not to minimise the fact that it needs to come from you first and foremost - like it did for your BIL.
People who are lonely or trying to do this on their own have an opportunity in sobriety: to find people they connect with, to fall in love with, to make great friends with....it comes with sobriety. It’s part of the package. Nothing keeps us isolated more than drugs or alcohol do.
A sobriety dream can be making those connections and growing that family, or that sense of family, with people you grow to love. Which in turn helps keep you sober.
Now that I think about it many of us who have longer sobriety have close relationships with either an SO or kids or family.
Maybe this is something specific that can be worked on when the drugs and alcohol are gone. Finally making real, lasting, rewarding and loving human relationships.
Mine were already there. For others, people are just waiting out there for you to be part of their lives.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Once I heard that "connection is the opposite of addiction," something clicked. No one wants to be alone, desperate, afraid, and all the things that we can feel when we are in the throes of our disease. Connection and support are antidotes to the isolation addiction brings.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Originally Posted by Healthyandsober
Im so scared i don't seem to get it i can't stop and it will kill me and people will remember me like that that poor person I'm more than this
It all starts with a desire to quit, and day one.
Then tons, and tons, of support. I used SR, some people use AVRT, some people go to AA, get a sponsor and work the steps: whatever gets and keep you sober is the right recovery option for you.
Stick around and post, healthy. Sobriety isn’t easy, but it is possible.
We can all do this together.
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Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 1,602
Originally Posted by Stayingsassy
You are right, briansy. It’s easier to quit with people you love counting on you. That’s a fact.
People who are lonely or trying to do this on their own have an opportunity in sobriety: to find people they connect with, to fall in love with, to make great friends with....it comes with sobriety. It’s part of the package. Nothing keeps us isolated more than drugs or alcohol do.
A sobriety dream can be making those connections and growing that family, or that sense of family, with people you grow to love. Which in turn helps keep you sober.
Now that I think about it many of us who have longer sobriety have close relationships with either an SO or kids or family.
Maybe this is something specific that can be worked on when the drugs and alcohol are gone. Finally making real, lasting, rewarding and loving human relationships.
Mine were already there. For others, people are just waiting out there for you to be part of their lives.
People who are lonely or trying to do this on their own have an opportunity in sobriety: to find people they connect with, to fall in love with, to make great friends with....it comes with sobriety. It’s part of the package. Nothing keeps us isolated more than drugs or alcohol do.
A sobriety dream can be making those connections and growing that family, or that sense of family, with people you grow to love. Which in turn helps keep you sober.
Now that I think about it many of us who have longer sobriety have close relationships with either an SO or kids or family.
Maybe this is something specific that can be worked on when the drugs and alcohol are gone. Finally making real, lasting, rewarding and loving human relationships.
Mine were already there. For others, people are just waiting out there for you to be part of their lives.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
Thanks for sharing this painful personal episode, Sassy.
We hurt for you.
Addiction is a dichotomy of miracles on the one hand and tragedies on the other.
I appreciate your hard-line, blunt approach to discussing recovery.
For me, it's a life and death matter, irrespective of how long I've been sober.
I don't tip-toe around the topic either.
I hope that God blesses your family with healing.
We hurt for you.
Addiction is a dichotomy of miracles on the one hand and tragedies on the other.
I appreciate your hard-line, blunt approach to discussing recovery.
For me, it's a life and death matter, irrespective of how long I've been sober.
I don't tip-toe around the topic either.
I hope that God blesses your family with healing.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Healthyandsober,
God is right there where S/he has always been.
There is absolutely no answer to "why me" that will satisfy you. Genetics, dumb luck, fate. It just is. I'm sorry.
You can get this, I know you can.
You are here begging and wishing for a solution, so that's proof right there.
Never give up.
xo
O
God is right there where S/he has always been.
There is absolutely no answer to "why me" that will satisfy you. Genetics, dumb luck, fate. It just is. I'm sorry.
You can get this, I know you can.
You are here begging and wishing for a solution, so that's proof right there.
Never give up.
xo
O
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