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angry at life maybe someone can set me straight

Old 12-16-2019, 06:07 AM
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zjw
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angry at life maybe someone can set me straight

I got sober over 8 years ago. I worked really hard to clean up the messes and get myself back in order. Lost weight got healthy and fit got out of debt life wasnt perfect but incredibly improved.

since i lost my job lifes just taken a nosedive. and A a considerable portion of whats gone wrong is out of my control or well no matter how hard i try it just seems to be getting worse and worse. I'm back in debt now I struggle so hard to bother with good diet and excercise (tho i still get it done whew). I'm stressed out to the max like non stop and i have man telling me to do things to help rectify my situation that honestly are gong to more then likely push me over the edge as i would have no time for excercise and would struggle even more to keep my diet in order.

I'm faltering. I learned early on to keep my life manageable i worked so hard to do so. I had a good routine that worked for me far from perfect i had my issues but it was working. now all thats out the window.

so my point is often i think if i can do all the right things and out of my control it all goes to hell. Then whats the point. Whats the point of all the progress i made and so on. I suppose it gave me a few good healthy years. But I feel like i'd have just as much chance of success doing nothing and drinking as i would doing something and staying sober. it seems like it makes little difference.

as a result the AV is hard at work "see it makes no diff wtf you do your screwed either way might as well drink if anything it'll ease the misery"

I know deep down alcohol is no solution. but since i have no idea what is. I struggle.

Its annoying some drink and loose it all. Me I get sober and I think i might loose it all here hows that for fair!

In the end i'll get through and all. But i'm really having a hard time staying on the straight and narrow. I feel horrible i barely sleep and struggle to keep up with anything.

I'm basicly just stressed out to the max and I want a break. Last night i got to thinking I dunno how much londer i can go on with things going how they are. I find myself getting angry about this or that but in reality i'm just frustated about my situation in general.


what are some tips to get this AV to stop poking at me? I am trying really hard to be grateful for what i do have which is an awful lot.

I wanna scale back some of my activities so i can have some more time for self care to keep my sanity in check. But i have no idea how to scale them back. The phones still gonna ring people are still gonna need me to handle htis or that and i'n still gonna have to do it cause I gotta make money. The issue is its a TON of stress for very little reward. Or well my ability to deal with stress maybe isnt good enough so maybe its not a lot for some but for me it is and i'm struggling.
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Old 12-16-2019, 06:12 AM
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one quote i recall someone saying on this board that kinda is applicable here. it was something along the lines of at least right now i got hope. I might have much else but i got that. If i drink tho? i wont even have that.

i know i just gotta keep moving forward. I get it. but i'm wearing thin.
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Old 12-16-2019, 06:36 AM
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I am sorry for your troubles. Unemployment and final hardships are tough and a lot of people are going through them.

A job would resolve all that and I hope you land one soon. Put your focus there.
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Old 12-16-2019, 06:44 AM
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Originally Posted by doggonecarl View Post
I am sorry for your troubles. Unemployment and final hardships are tough and a lot of people are going through them.

A job would resolve all that and I hope you land one soon. Put your focus there.
i'm in a tough spot. I got a business that i'm getting going. its making money just not enough and i dont have time for a conventional job. Its one or the other. OR if something comes along a little less convnetional that i can figure out how to squeeze in.

There are zero jobs i can do that will pay me enough income to support our situation. In order for a job to work I gotta lower my overhead IE get out of the house etc.. find something smaller. Thats a huge undertaking with a large family and having lived in this house for years upon years. It can be done tho if it comes to it. But even that I honestly have no idea how i'd handle that and run this business. It would be easier to just pack of a few fav items and walk from it.
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Old 12-16-2019, 07:34 AM
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>>The issue is its a TON of stress for very little reward. Or well my ability to deal with stress maybe isnt good enough so maybe its not a lot for some but for me it is and i'm struggling.<<

Life is not fair, easy or painless and we will never always get what we want. Discomfort is the price of admission if you want to have a meaningful life. The strain of life is what builds our strength. If there is no strain, there will be no strength. The number-one contributor to growth is difficult circumstances.

You can do this and you know it! You are in a growth spurt! We can’t control all our circumstances, but we can control how we think about our circumstances and how we respond.

Mathew 11:28 "Come to me all those who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest."
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Old 12-16-2019, 07:42 AM
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Sorry you are having such a hard time of things zjw. Not sure if this might be an option or not, but many public universities have small business development centers that offer free and low cost consultation to businesses that are starting, growing or changing. Might be worth a shot. Or possibly your local chamber of commerce for similar resources.

On that same vein, maybe you could talk to a career counselor or your local job service. While it may seem like there are "no jobs" - there are actually a lot of them. Sometimes the problem is getting the right people in front of the right situation. If you are capable of running your own business it's a pretty safe bet that you have the skills that someone else would like to have in an employee.

Bottom line though, just be tenacious and look for solutions vs. reasons why it "wont" work.
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Old 12-16-2019, 07:53 AM
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yeah scott i do feel the right person could look at my crudentials "reinvent" me and possibly find me something.

But its a long shot finding that right person. years ago i found one and it was very helpful but i like tripped over that.

I honestly cant think of a job i even want to have short of bagging groceries or a variety of other things that dont pay enough.

i saw a meme the other day things i like to do in a circle, things I want to do in a circle these 2 circles merged. Then another circle things that make money in a circle all by itself.

Thats how i feel about jobs nothing i wanna do pays squat. ther emight be something else i can do that might pay more and I just dont realize it but just speculating as to what those could also be and i cant think of a one that i'd actually wanna do.

I dont particularly mind what i'm doing but it has to remain manageable or i'll go bonkers and it has to make enough money. I'm doing ok at keeping it manageable but its not making money so my lifes unmanageable in many ways as a result.

all of those programs out there are good. I simply dont have time and honestly the payoff with the time put in isnt all that great.

I member one itme years ago going to a chamber function. was a whole lot of broke struggling people like me trying to get somewhere. Then sitting quietly alone ignoreing everyone was the few that where doing fine and just enjoying a night out iwth the boys at the chamber function.

It was just a waste and I had to pay for my drinks and all with money i really didnt have at the time. But I was trying to be positive and drum up sales.
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Old 12-16-2019, 07:54 AM
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i feel lost to be honest.
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Old 12-16-2019, 10:10 AM
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Originally Posted by zjw View Post
yeah scott i do feel the right person could look at my crudentials "reinvent" me and possibly find me something.

But its a long shot finding that right person. years ago i found one and it was very helpful but i like tripped over that.

I honestly cant think of a job i even want to have short of bagging groceries or a variety of other things that dont pay enough.

i saw a meme the other day things i like to do in a circle, things I want to do in a circle these 2 circles merged. Then another circle things that make money in a circle all by itself.

Thats how i feel about jobs nothing i wanna do pays squat. ther emight be something else i can do that might pay more and I just dont realize it but just speculating as to what those could also be and i cant think of a one that i'd actually wanna do.

I dont particularly mind what i'm doing but it has to remain manageable or i'll go bonkers and it has to make enough money. I'm doing ok at keeping it manageable but its not making money so my lifes unmanageable in many ways as a result.

all of those programs out there are good. I simply dont have time and honestly the payoff with the time put in isnt all that great.

I member one itme years ago going to a chamber function. was a whole lot of broke struggling people like me trying to get somewhere. Then sitting quietly alone ignoreing everyone was the few that where doing fine and just enjoying a night out iwth the boys at the chamber function.

It was just a waste and I had to pay for my drinks and all with money i really didnt have at the time. But I was trying to be positive and drum up sales.
A long shot is a lot better than "no shot", right? I have personally gone back to school as my empolyment has been in a rocky place for the past several years. Not suggesting that that you also go back to school, but I mention it because it was a HUGE departure for me and something I would not have considered had I not talked to someone about it.

Bottom line- you have skills and the ability to learn new ones. Lamenting the past won't get you a new vocation, but talking to someone who can help will certainly help you feel lest loss in the process.
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Old 12-16-2019, 10:51 AM
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As you know, I've been in favor of you downsizing for years.

The pressure isn't worth it.

I know it will be a struggle, and your family will resist, but I think letting go of the big house and the overhead is far better than you relapsing. Besides, a relapse could easily lead to losing everything anyway, including your growing business.

What about an IT job at a state university or community college? I know where I work we always are short-handed and your skills would be in demand. Even if it involved relocating, that might be an option. . .
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Old 12-16-2019, 04:41 PM
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so my point is often i think if i can do all the right things and out of my control it all goes to hell. Then whats the point. Whats the point of all the progress i made and so on.
The point is recovery can't be conditional on having things go the way we want. Look at it this way: if you drink you'll still be broke and poor plus you'll also be drunk. When I'm sober I at least have hope. Sounds like it would be a good idea to do a gratitude list then figure out how you can help another alcoholic. Good luck!
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Old 12-16-2019, 04:55 PM
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I'm unemployed, directionless and getting evicted in my first year of sobriety so I know how ya feel bud!

I just like to hope that maybe recovery will feel worth it some day. I mean, hopefully I might REALLY appreciate it after all this BS.
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Old 12-16-2019, 05:32 PM
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As someone who has dragged his sorry ass out of the pit I can testify the sun is still shining and can be seen again. Whatever you decide to do there are things you can do that will help you be more content with whatever you decide to do. It's what sobriety is all about. Through serenity comes clarity. Learn to relax the core of your being. Yoga, mindfulness meditation, a good diet, exercise - but always in moderation. Acquiring a moderate outlook in everything means letting go of extremes. It's an overall change of habit that takes time. As you relax your mind and body, focus changes. Initially, though, all the crap will reveal itself so it can seem like it's a good idea to be ignorant so it's time to be persistent and patient as the crap thinking rises and passes away. In time, as that which has been denied is coped with you might find that what was believed to be a problem isn't a problem any more.

Anger management?
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Old 12-16-2019, 05:41 PM
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It's great that your business is still growing and making money! I'm always rooting for the underdog or the entrepreneur. I know if I want to keep my own business dreams alive I'm gonna have to take drastic action to get out of my comfort zone this year. Find a mentor (or more than one), start doing social media marketing, network every chance I get, say yes to any and everything I can that will help me grow and learn.

In your case, it may even be possible to outsource some of your tasks to a freelancer or intern of some kind? Also to find paying freelance work you could do for someone else on a flexible schedule? I try to live by the motto of work smarter not harder, although when I still have no solid incoming work that's kind of a mute point lol. But you do already have a foundation to build on.. so just don't give up.
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Old 12-17-2019, 03:05 AM
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Originally Posted by zjw View Post
as a result the AV is hard at work "see it makes no diff wtf you do your screwed either way might as well drink if anything it'll ease the misery"
I have thought this at times as well. But then I see folks in my AA group who have cancer. They are receiving the ultimate screwing. They don't drink. Many of them have a death sentence staring them in the face and yet they stay sober. It's amazing.
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Old 12-17-2019, 05:53 AM
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tetrax it does get better as crap as my situation is now it is better then when i got sober. my gripe is that it seems like the steps and actions I have taken now to make like better that WHERE working are meaningless becasue well life can turn around and slap ya down no matter how much of a good boy your being. And maybe i feel i had more "control" over all this and my EGO is like WTF. But combine that with just tired of the day in and day out beating from life well you got someone now whos worn out and is like why am i bothering when nothing i do seems to be helping.

I was lucky too in early sobriety little by little and painstakingly slow my choices where improving my circumstances i was able to see it and while man times I didnt have much reason to keep going forward i did anyway and one by one my good choices made life better. Only for in one clean swoop it all came crashing down.

yeah AAPJ my AV is the opposite it fantsizes about getting some terminal illness so it can have a drink Sick isnt it? for my AV a terminal illness is like the booze jackpot.

Oh well another day I'm just gonna keep going. I feel better today not a whole lot but a little bit.
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Old 12-17-2019, 06:33 AM
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What about a little perspective focus zjw?

Where would you, and your family be now, if you hadn't quit drinking so many years ago and your alcoholism continued to progress?

You are a success story no matter what the economic situation is now. You are able to be a present father and husband, and you've gotten a business going against a tough economic downturn.

Maybe it is time to have that tough discussion with your wife, family, and in-laws that you need to reduce your overhead or risk relapse. Not easy, but perhaps if they really know your struggles, you can make some progress to balance your life a bit more.

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Old 12-17-2019, 09:23 AM
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Hawkeye your posts are pretty spot on. Iím getting a lot of outside pressure to do the impossible and I really gotta ask myself who am I and who is it I wanna be and what are my limits. Early on I told everyone like you suggest that my sobriety is at steak maybe they need a reminder. Iím not gonna lie Iíve had some really difficult cravings and temptations lately and itís scarring the crap out of me.
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