Moving from hyper vigilant to think about longer term goals
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by Briansy 
I _am_ listening!
You've been starting threads on this site for two and a half years.
So far, how much sober time have you strung together? About a month/40 days, continuous?
Lots of people have spent quite a bit of their personal time and life energy to try to help steer you to this ONE thing that you just don't want to do.
It's simple. You ready?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 1,602
Originally Posted by biminiblue
Are you though?
You've been starting threads on this site for two and a half years.
So far, how much sober time have you strung together? About a month/40 days, continuous?
Lots of people have spent quite a bit of their personal time and life energy to try to help steer you to this ONE thing that you just don't want to do.
It's simple. You ready?
You've been starting threads on this site for two and a half years.
So far, how much sober time have you strung together? About a month/40 days, continuous?
Lots of people have spent quite a bit of their personal time and life energy to try to help steer you to this ONE thing that you just don't want to do.
It's simple. You ready?
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I feel I am, yes.
Every single act in every single day has to point you toward never picking up another drink/drug or poker chip or whatever your game of choice is.
If you can't do it alone, get help outside this forum. We cannot do this for you. This may not be enough for you. Are you drinking today?
I won't post in your threads again. I am not trying to hurt you, but honestly: it doesn't seem like you do want to quit and a forum is too comfortable for some people - it's too easy to sit back and request ideas and then do nothing.
Good luck to you Brian.
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Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 1,602
Originally Posted by biminiblue
Then the answer is quite simple.
Every single act in every single day has to point you toward never picking up another drink/drug or poker chip or whatever your game of choice is.
If you can't do it alone, get help outside this forum. We cannot do this for you. This may not be enough for you. Are you drinking today?
I won't post in your threads again. I am not trying to hurt you, but honestly: it doesn't seem like you do want to quit and a forum is too comfortable for some people - it's too easy to sit back and request ideas and then do nothing.
Good luck to you Brian.
Every single act in every single day has to point you toward never picking up another drink/drug or poker chip or whatever your game of choice is.
If you can't do it alone, get help outside this forum. We cannot do this for you. This may not be enough for you. Are you drinking today?
I won't post in your threads again. I am not trying to hurt you, but honestly: it doesn't seem like you do want to quit and a forum is too comfortable for some people - it's too easy to sit back and request ideas and then do nothing.
Good luck to you Brian.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,188
Reading this thread, an episode of Kitchen Nightmares popped into mind. It's one of my favourites where Ramsay is dealing with a pizza place owner in complete denial. In one of their many fairly rough exchanges, the owner blurted out something along the lines of "I want to franchise this place and go global," to which chef replied "if you can't get one right, how on Earth do you think about two?".
I am not trying to be hurtful, but that reply by the chef is what it all ultimately comes down to. There's little point in drawing up grandiose plans for one's sobriety in the early days. Especially if the thought of 'forever' is still fairly difficult to stomach. Furthermore, sobriety itself will show you a way, as you discover and explore what you really like and want. There are ideas and then there's reality. The two often have a tendency of being mismatch. Man makes plans and God laughs and what not.
In terms of goals and terms ...for example, my sobriety goals have the longest term the moment I wake up - because that's when there's the greatest amount of time between me going to bed again
I can't not drink tomorrow today, and neither can you.
Reading around SR, at times I see people who are very elated in the early days but unfortunately take it too far and drink again. Something about sobriety leaves them dissatisfied, I'm guessing. Perhaps it's precisely the presence of such plans that undermine what a person in early recovery is (or ought to be) focused on - staying sober this minute, hour or day.
Sobriety gives us an 'everything and nothing', because it only really gives us a chance - to do something other than drink alcohol and to be something other than a drunk. Whether we seize this chance and opportunity is up to all of us. Some do, some don't. The standards set for what sobriety Ought to bring someone are certainly peculiar at times, and they are certainly way higher than what anyone ever expects from booze.
I guess what I'm saying is ... just keep being sober today. And when tomorrow becomes today, also be sober today. And so on. Bigger plans will reveal themselves to you when you achieve that mindset and keep going with that simple course of action.
Good luck
I am not trying to be hurtful, but that reply by the chef is what it all ultimately comes down to. There's little point in drawing up grandiose plans for one's sobriety in the early days. Especially if the thought of 'forever' is still fairly difficult to stomach. Furthermore, sobriety itself will show you a way, as you discover and explore what you really like and want. There are ideas and then there's reality. The two often have a tendency of being mismatch. Man makes plans and God laughs and what not.
In terms of goals and terms ...for example, my sobriety goals have the longest term the moment I wake up - because that's when there's the greatest amount of time between me going to bed again
I can't not drink tomorrow today, and neither can you.
Reading around SR, at times I see people who are very elated in the early days but unfortunately take it too far and drink again. Something about sobriety leaves them dissatisfied, I'm guessing. Perhaps it's precisely the presence of such plans that undermine what a person in early recovery is (or ought to be) focused on - staying sober this minute, hour or day.
Sobriety gives us an 'everything and nothing', because it only really gives us a chance - to do something other than drink alcohol and to be something other than a drunk. Whether we seize this chance and opportunity is up to all of us. Some do, some don't. The standards set for what sobriety Ought to bring someone are certainly peculiar at times, and they are certainly way higher than what anyone ever expects from booze.
I guess what I'm saying is ... just keep being sober today. And when tomorrow becomes today, also be sober today. And so on. Bigger plans will reveal themselves to you when you achieve that mindset and keep going with that simple course of action.
Good luck
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Originally Posted by Briansy
Sorry to take up so much of your personal time and energy Bimini. It must be a relief knowing you won't have to expend any more of it on me.
I"m glad you are 13 days sober Briansy - keep at it.
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Respectfully bowing out as well. I've thought through my ability to be helpful here, like Bimini - and Briansy, I wish you all the best. I know that when I did finally quit, there were lots of people's words that finally bubbled back up into a collective source of help for me. Hoping that you find that same help one day from any and every possible person or situation along your journey that contributes to your sobriety and recovery.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
Briansy,
I know how hard this is to do long term. Especially when for me, most of my adult life was spent in relapse mode. It's the instant gratification...something tangeable that will immediately change how we feel about ourselves. This is how addictive behavior manifests itself. That's why it's so hard to change.
It's not for me to say or anyone else when you're ready or how serious you are. I look at this place like a virtual meeting room with hundreds of chairs for anyone who is suffering or is in recovery to sit down and share their story. You've earned that chair any way you look at it. People need to hear you just as much as they need the people who have decades. This only works when we extend the hand out to another sufferer. Alone-this cannot be overcome. So, I emplore you to keep sharing like you have and keep talking about the struggle.
Early sobriety sucks. It does for everyone and nobody who has any real time is gonna tell you any differently.
All I'm gonna say to you is to hang in there. I'm glad you have 13 days . Now make it another. An then another. If s#it starts to hurt, come here and keep doing what you're doing. I appreciate your candor. We need to help everyone we can get better from this, and I'm glad you're here.
Hang in there.
I know how hard this is to do long term. Especially when for me, most of my adult life was spent in relapse mode. It's the instant gratification...something tangeable that will immediately change how we feel about ourselves. This is how addictive behavior manifests itself. That's why it's so hard to change.
It's not for me to say or anyone else when you're ready or how serious you are. I look at this place like a virtual meeting room with hundreds of chairs for anyone who is suffering or is in recovery to sit down and share their story. You've earned that chair any way you look at it. People need to hear you just as much as they need the people who have decades. This only works when we extend the hand out to another sufferer. Alone-this cannot be overcome. So, I emplore you to keep sharing like you have and keep talking about the struggle.
Early sobriety sucks. It does for everyone and nobody who has any real time is gonna tell you any differently.
All I'm gonna say to you is to hang in there. I'm glad you have 13 days . Now make it another. An then another. If s#it starts to hurt, come here and keep doing what you're doing. I appreciate your candor. We need to help everyone we can get better from this, and I'm glad you're here.
Hang in there.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 1,602
Originally Posted by BullDog777
Briansy,
I know how hard this is to do long term. Especially when for me, most of my adult life was spent in relapse mode. It's the instant gratification...something tangeable that will immediately change how we feel about ourselves. This is how addictive behavior manifests itself. That's why it's so hard to change.
It's not for me to say or anyone else when you're ready or how serious you are. I look at this place like a virtual meeting room with hundreds of chairs for anyone who is suffering or is in recovery to sit down and share their story. You've earned that chair any way you look at it. People need to hear you just as much as they need the people who have decades. This only works when we extend the hand out to another sufferer. Alone-this cannot be overcome. So, I emplore you to keep sharing like you have and keep talking about the struggle.
Early sobriety sucks. It does for everyone and nobody who has any real time is gonna tell you any differently.
All I'm gonna say to you is to hang in there. I'm glad you have 13 days . Now make it another. An then another. If s#it starts to hurt, come here and keep doing what you're doing. I appreciate your candor. We need to help everyone we can get better from this, and I'm glad you're here.
Hang in there.
I know how hard this is to do long term. Especially when for me, most of my adult life was spent in relapse mode. It's the instant gratification...something tangeable that will immediately change how we feel about ourselves. This is how addictive behavior manifests itself. That's why it's so hard to change.
It's not for me to say or anyone else when you're ready or how serious you are. I look at this place like a virtual meeting room with hundreds of chairs for anyone who is suffering or is in recovery to sit down and share their story. You've earned that chair any way you look at it. People need to hear you just as much as they need the people who have decades. This only works when we extend the hand out to another sufferer. Alone-this cannot be overcome. So, I emplore you to keep sharing like you have and keep talking about the struggle.
Early sobriety sucks. It does for everyone and nobody who has any real time is gonna tell you any differently.
All I'm gonna say to you is to hang in there. I'm glad you have 13 days . Now make it another. An then another. If s#it starts to hurt, come here and keep doing what you're doing. I appreciate your candor. We need to help everyone we can get better from this, and I'm glad you're here.
Hang in there.
Dee or Scott, would you mind deleting it?
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
This has turned into a bit of an upsetting thread.
Dee or Scott, would you mind deleting it?
Dee or Scott, would you mind deleting it?
I spent far too many years hitting the delete button (AKA bottles of alcohol) in my efforts at avoiding upsetting things. In recovery, I have learned the delete button is a band-aid, not a solution.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 8,007
Hey B
I can understand both sides. In my first year of sobriety, I was very sensitive, very emotional and as well, very obsessed with my recovery. When I posted on SR, I received candid responses which appeared insensitive and cavalier.
On the other hand, I also very much understand the perspective of the posters who appear a bit tough. They are being candid. Which means they are being frank and have your best interests at heart at the same time.
My advice is that whilst your feelings are understandable, do not let them control your actions. Rather let your mindful self take control over your actions. Be patient with yourself. Over time, your perspectives will change. As well, understand that folks on SR post with best intentions.
Most importantly, do not give up. Ever.
I can understand both sides. In my first year of sobriety, I was very sensitive, very emotional and as well, very obsessed with my recovery. When I posted on SR, I received candid responses which appeared insensitive and cavalier.
On the other hand, I also very much understand the perspective of the posters who appear a bit tough. They are being candid. Which means they are being frank and have your best interests at heart at the same time.
My advice is that whilst your feelings are understandable, do not let them control your actions. Rather let your mindful self take control over your actions. Be patient with yourself. Over time, your perspectives will change. As well, understand that folks on SR post with best intentions.
Most importantly, do not give up. Ever.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 1,602
Yes, Kaneda, it's all fine. I see both sides too but making a big song and dance with the "I'm out" and "I can't help this guy" is a bit much - all you have to do is just not post - not sure what making me feel crap about my supposed intentions or commitment achieves. It's just unnecessary and disappointing. And needlessly aggressive. But, as you say: perspective. And crack on. Cheers.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,352
Originally Posted by Briansy
Really appreciate that, Bulldog. This has turned into a bit of an upsetting thread.
Dee or Scott, would you mind deleting it?
Dee or Scott, would you mind deleting it?
I understand your upset, but at the same time I really like the last two posts.
I agree with the crack on sentiment
Of course if you want the thread closed you can PM Scott - he's the Moderator in this forum.
The ignore function is also there to be used if required.
To avoid further drama, I'll confine my myself to saying if anyone else wants 'out' of this thread, just don't post in it anymore - no one else here needs to know if you're in out or bass ackwards
Dee
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SR
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if anyone else wants 'out' of this thread, just don't post in it anymore
For some reason, probably because I am an alcoholic and even though in recovery, still a work in progress; so the simple solutions plumb evade me a lot of the times.
Reminder to self: Keep it simple.
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