ciowa

A buddy of mine quit drinking a few weeks before me but he is not in any recovery program. The reason is he insulted somebody when he was drunk and the person wants to settle it with violence. He believes trying to do recovery steps won't matter because he will have to violate everything when he defends himself from an assault. I don't have any solution for him. Has anyone ever experienced something like this?

bradly22

It's perfectly ok for your friend to defend himself if need be. That isn't against the law.

fini

i have not heard of any recovery program that would not “allow” you to defend yourself against an assault.
has your friend taken responsibility fir insulting the other person and tried to set things right?

Dee74

Sounds like the kind of situation I'd get myself into when drinking.

If your friend can't talk it out with the guy, I'd advise your friend to avoid him.

D

ciowa

Yeah he offered an apology but the other person said he was gonna punch him when they saw each other. My buddy isnt afraid but i think a physical fight might be a pretry big trigger

nez

In what way would it violate recovery work?

sortofhomecomin

I have not done the steps but I'm pretty sure there is nothing in them, or in the AA Big Book, that in any way prohibits self-defense.

ScottFromWI

Sounds like maybe just avoiding that other person might be the best ideal. Or contacting the police if there is a real/existing threat of assault.

In any case, none of that should hinder work on recovery.

ciowa

Thank all of you for the suggestions. I agree that getting on the recovery path is the best thing for him. He was afraid what people would say about him if he got into a fist fight at his age and how it might escalate into a bigger feud, but my advice is to do the good work and if he as to defend himself then try do so but then try once again to reach out to the other person to let it finally go. The other person is still drinking so thats why they won't just move on.

SoberCAH

This circumstance should serve as a clue to your friend that he needs to strongly consider getting sober.

I would try writing the guy a letter.

There's no guarantee that it will help matters, but it's worth the try.

I go through life walking a path which doesn't lend itself to this kind of nonsense, but trouble can certainly cross our paths at any time.

I wish him well, most importantly with his sobriety.

Please keep us posted.

faith823

This is all part of addiction. Fear, shame and guilt. Reason's to keep on drinking.
Drinking at feelings, situations and people we can not control. I would talk about these reasons we convince ourselves to drink with him.
It will just add to more wreckage in his life if he does engage in a physical confrontation while drunk. Please let him know how proud you are of him when he chooses recovery. How he overcame the situations he had to deal with that resulted while drinking , offending and insulting people. This is how I act drunk- something else takes over me! This may be a lesson that he can live through in active recovery and help another person.
I need to turn every situation that my addiction tells me is hopeless into hope.