Auchieshuggle

I am an alcoholic. I'm not new to the forums, I have posted on here many times before. Today I called an ambulance due to having a severe panic attack, which I believed was a heart attack.

I suffer from OCD, a neurotic anxiety disorder. It is well known that sufferers of OCD are more likely to abuse alcohol, and I have been a heavy drinker for more than twenty years. I have been promising to stop drinking for at least fifteen years, with limited success.

I drink on average about 100 UK units a week, whilst one is advised not to exceed 14 units. I have recently made a huge effort to stop drinking, and managed six consecutive days at the beginning of October. I have then managed a few other days, here and there. I use diazepam (valium) to control the withdrawal on days when I am not drinking, though occasionally I have completely clean days where I take nothing at all.

I have read about the Kindling Effect, and was wondering whether today's episode could be attributable to that. Over the last seven days I have only drunk on Sunday (six pints of beer, 1 double whisky and half a bottle of wine = approx 21 units) and Wednesday (6 pints and four cans of beer = approx 20 units). I took 5 mg valium yesterday...could today's panic be a result of alcohol withdrawal?

Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

doggonecarl

If you've read about Kindling then you know the best way to avoid suffering the effects is to quit drinking. And you've been struggling with that. What have you done to support your decision to quit drinking?

Andante

Yes.

Withdrawal becomes progressive and cumulative. The only way to prevent it from continuing to get worse is to stop drinking entirely.

Auchieshuggle

I enrolled at an addiction clinic and took Acamprosate, but to no avail. I have attended AA meetings, though recently my anxiety is so bad that I am frightened to leave the house and when I do so I suffer extremely debilitating panic attacks which often lead to me drinking. I am having weekly telephones sessions with a counsellor, and I am trying to overcome the resentment which I think make subconsciously fuel my drinking.

I am also trying to eat healthily and remove stresses from my life. But it's often a catch twenty-two situation - drink causes anxiety, which in turn leads me to drink. I have taken two valium today, and will probably take one tomorrow - but withdrawal from valium is said to be worse than alcohol, plus my GP is reluctant to prescribe it.

Thanks for your reply.

@Andante - thanks also for taking the time to reply. I am confident it is alcohol withdrawal, too. I hope it is, and that I am not going to be feeling like this for ever and become one of those recluses who doesn't leave their home.

Dee74

The only way to break that cycle is not to drink and find other positive ways to deal with your anxiety.

don't fall for the lie that things will never get better - they will - as long as you stay sober and work on ways to manage your anxiety



There are some useful ideas for anxiety scattered around SR Auchieshuggle

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...disorders.html (Coping with anxiety and panic disorders)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-sobriety.html (Anxiety in sobriety)

we have an entire forum dedicated to anxiety :
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/anxiety-disorders/

D

Andante

Just to add that I see a bit of cart-before-the-horse thinking in your post. I recognize it because I had the same difficulty when I was still drinking too. I was convinced that the reason I drank was to relieve anxiety, even after it should have become abundantly clear to me that it was the alcohol that was causing the anxiety. I eventually took the leap of faith that quitting drinking altogether would eventually bring relief from my anxiety in the long term, even if the process of quitting made it worse in the short term.

It worked.

Auchieshuggle

I agree with you, though it's easier said than done. Having a panic attack is no small thing - the best way I can describe it to somebody who has never had one, is to imagine drowning and the panic you'd feel. I nearly drowned in the sea as a child and the panic was just as intense yesterday as it was then.

Alcohol does relieve my anxiety, albeit temporarily, but when I feel extremely anxious it's easy for me to just take a drink. However I am totally aware that drinking exacerbates my anxiety.

Yes, I need the strength and the courage to do this. I'm over the 48 hour mark now.

biminiblue

We do understand.

Anyone who has become alcohol addicted understands everything you have written. It is part and parcel of alcohol withdrawal, and it lasts for a while. It is the price of getting clean. I'm not going to do it again. Once was more than enough.

Hang on, get through the attacks, take your Valium as prescribed and then start to wean off that at your doctor's advised schedule. I got off the benzos too, and it wasn't bad or difficult with a taper schedule. Medicine has this down, you do have to trust the process though.

All that panicky discomfort/panic attacks will go away. I went through it, and so did anyone with continuous sober time.

Keep going. It's uncomfortable but it does get better...in time. Not in a week, it slowly improved for me over a period of months.

ScottFromWI

I used alcohol to attempt to self medicate my anxiety for decades, and I experienced exactly what you are several times. As others have mentioned, complete abstinence is the only solution - but it seems impossible at the time. Basically, alcohol is a central nervous system depressant - so when you take it away your brain goes into hyper mode so to speak. Panic, sweats, pacing the halls, racing heart - I remember it all vividly. I was to the point of it being a medically dangerous situation and had dangerously high blood pressure/pulse rates. I ended up in the ER more than once when I tried to quit cold turkey - please don't be afraid to ask for medical help if you feel you need it.

The good news is that withdrawals are always finite - and once you are through them they are 100% preventable.

Regarding the anxiety itself, It is also entirely possible that you have an underlying anxiety disorder....but it's not possible to know until you are free of alcohol for a while. I personally sought help through counseling and indeed did have GAD, and i've found some very effective ways of managing it. But that is down the road - main thing you need to do now is make sure you stay safe. Seek medical help if you need it, get some rest if you can, stay away from stimulants like caffeine, take a walk, stay here on SR and meet people who understand.

Dee74

Hi Auggie

Sorry I should have made clear I've suffered from anxiety and panic attacks all my life too

I've found breathing exercises like these can help
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...techniqes.html (3 Anxiety breathing techniqes)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...echniques.html (Breathing Techniques)


I also like the 5 4 3 2 1 technique.
https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/behav...r-anxiety.aspx

You're right it's hard to apply any technique when you're panicking, thats why I think it's important to practice these things regularly when you're not anxious or panicked?

D

Auchieshuggle

Thanks for your advice. Uncomfortable is an understatement, but I know that what you suggest is the only way forward.

Thanks for your reply. I was diagnosed with OCD about fifteen years ago - as a result of my drinking, in fact.

I am unsure whether that insufferable panic is a result of withdrawal or my condition, as I had only drunk twice in the week preceding it.

Thank you for those. I will take a look now!

BackandScared

Auchies, I think many/many among us have been where you are at. Many have memories of anxiety from childhood so we don't totally relate alcohol with it. we have always been anxious. While we pretend to understand the link, we are actually denying it.

My experience: my anxiety became unmanageable. I ended in hospitall believing I was dying 3 times. I scared my children and family. I was very scared myself. My latest attempt to quit (a bit over 4 month ago) was so scary that I have not touched a drop of alcohol since. I knew, for the first time, it was without a doubt an episode of withdrawals. They were becoming worse and the only way out was to drink to appease them. All day long. Knowing the dependence -and the anxiety- would just become worse over time.

I could not even imagine my next 5 years drinking. How much worse it was going to be. So I stopped. Guess what? My anxiety is gone! I need a real trigger to suffer anxiety. I am prone to anxiety and small problems may cause an intense burning sensation on my chest. I am learning to deal with it. but I am not anxious all the time. Not at all.

YOu are adding valium to your particular mix from hell. I bet you were never prescribed those for withdrawals. Wherever you are getting your dossage from, like alcohol, it will become worse.

You have survived your latest episode. Even if you want to catalogue it as anxiety only, the problem is not only in the mind. Your heart and your blood pressure go crazy. Your body is suffering. It may not be a heart attack, but it is not only a mind trick either. Your physical dependence to alcohol is causing 90% of it. Look after yourself

Auchieshuggle

Hi,

Much of what you wrote resonated with me. I was a very anxious child and soon learned of this 'magical' elixir which completely banished my anxiety...well until the next day.

You're correct - I was prescribed the valium for anxiety, but justified its usage as I am anxious when hungover. However, before I was diagnosed with OCD, an irresponsible doctor used to prescribe benzos for me when I was anxious as a result of my hangover!

I am hoping to get through today without taking valium or - obviously - drinking, as I am now 80 hours sober.

I have just done ten minutes on the exercise bike to try to prove to myself (or rather my subconscious) that I am not going to have a heart attack, and I got through it without panicking. I now just need to venture outside of my front door, and go to the shop and back. Then progressively I will do more on the bike, and walk a bit further. I am still terribly anxious though...

biminiblue

Auchie, think months, not days. Seriously. It does get a lot better quite quickly, but the full recovery takes time.

I was so miserable for that first week. I went to AA meetings where I got some measure of comfort and connection. I didn't keep going long-term but it truly was helpful to get me out of my own head which was not a safe place in early days. Meetings forced me to get dressed and get out around people instead of being miserable. They had cookies and tea, and they were very welcoming. The Serenity Prayer was on a constant loop in my head, and it quieted me. I posted here in my Class of March thread. That was a good place to vent or just share ideas with others in that same spot.

Here's the thread on this site for people quitting in November:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-1-a.html (Class of November 2019 Part 1)

I ate good nutritious food (and a side of plenty of ice cream.) I took a walk outdoors every day. I showered and I made my bed and I cleaned the dishes and dusted the furniture and I listened to quiet instrumental classical music on the internet. I curled up on the couch with my down comforter and binge-watched Netflix. I treated myself like I was recovering from a life-threatening illness because I was. I added to a Gratitude list every day.

Dee mentioned breathing exercises. Those are tremendously helpful. Try this one right now. It works.

Box Breathing


You can make it through. It's rough, no doubt about it. You never have to go through this again.

BackandScared

Auchies, it was very helpful to me reading a post by a blogger 'mummywasasecretdrinker' with the title: 'The obstacle course'.

While it may take months/years/a life-time to deal with the anxiety and other problems we carry with us (I think all humans have one thing or another; the perfect person does not exist), it takes only days to get rid of the anxiety provoked by withdrawal.

80 hours is awesome!! You have got through the worst in terms of facing a really life-threatening scenario. The anxiety and symptoms can last longer, but not much longer. It was about 10 days for me, feeling much better after day 4 in terms of anxiety.

After 10 days, alcohol-induced anxiety was gone as physical effect. It makes life much easier. Be under no illusion that the withdrawals are dangerous and take a toll on your body. It is normal the body reacts anxiously and even commands us to seek help. But you have done the most difficult and dangerous bit. Keep it up

Auchieshuggle

Thanks very much for the links! The box breathing one is particularly useful.

I have stuffed myself all day. My appetite is insane.

I'm less anxious now than I was, and I hope and pray that it continues to lessen each day. Thanks for your advice.